One of the hardest things for parents is to accept
that their children are growing up. The second hardest thing is to allow them
to be free to grow up, while at the same time keeping a certain degree of
discipline, so that kids know their boundaries and limits because, regardless of what some people might think,
boundaries are necessary and important in order for people to grow into
responsible adults. After all, we encounter boundaries in all sorts of places and
situations as we grow up and become part of a group. Society has many rules
that have become official in the form of laws. These, too, are boundaries, and
they govern most aspects of our lives. There are housing rules and regulations
in our neighborhoods, bylaws in our cities, traffic laws on our roads and
company rules and procedures in our jobs. So, the sooner we become used to
having rules, the better our chances of growing into well adjusted people in
the future.
There is
nothing wrong with having rules. After all, we are part of a universe that is
governed by laws, such as the law of motion or the law of gravity. Scientists
understand and embrace this fact. We live as part of a world in which all our
actions carry consequences. There is nothing we can do to avoid the
consequences of our actions. If I put my hand into a fire, I get burned. If I
jump into a pool, I get wet. If I eat too much chocolate, I gain weight. Yes,
of course, we can grow up doing as we please, but if we do, we will surely encounter
many difficult and painful times that could have been avoided. By learning
about limits and following rules, we guarantee ourselves fewer hardships in the
future and an easier life much easier
in comparison to how our life would have been if we ignored all the “rules.”
Discipline teaches us about the consequences of our actions. In life, every
action we decide to take surely carries a consequence. Some things change our
lives forever, so wouldn’t it be better if we could learn to steer out of
trouble before it is too late?
In my
opinion, as a daughter and as a mother, it is as important to give freedom as
to demand obedience. In every area of life, discipline is necessary. To love
does not always mean allowing the person we love to grow without any structure,
rules or boundaries. It takes much more love to discipline than to let someone
be completely free.
Sometimes a
parent will choose to take the role of the “easygoing parent” and refuse to
discipline or impose any rules; this parent becomes the “cool one.” Then, the
other parent desperately tries to maintain an equilibrium and avoid complete
chaos, and so this parent becomes the “mean one,” always bringing order to the
house. Of course, the “cool parent” becomes the popular one, and the “tough parent”
becomes the “boring” one. I cannot stress enough the importance of maintaining
an equilibrium in the house, for the good of the children and the health of the
parents’ relationship.
Parents are teammates, not members of opposing teams.
If the children realize that their parents are on opposing teams, they will try
to take advantage of the situation. And this will create tense moments between
the parents, tense moments that could have been avoided. Loving is not
necessarily synonymous with being soft; to love our children is to teach them
to live in this world in the way in which they will be most happy and well
adjusted. To love is to show our children the straight path, hoping for the
best but understanding that each child is an individual and therefore will
follow his or her own way. All we can do is show the best path we know, and
after that we must just trust God and pray.
But if we
have never even make an attempt to show our children any kind of path, then
they will be vulnerable to all outside influences, both the good ones and the
very bad ones. We should not fool ourselves into thinking that if we don’t
teach the right way to our children, they will choose the right path on their
own. What will happen is that other people will show them “a way,” “some way”
or “their way” and, being
of such a young age, they will follow. Often it will turn out to be that total
outsiders peers, movie stars,
movies, magazines, professors or older friends will be the
ones who show our children “a way.” And many times these outsiders will end up
teaching a child, who would otherwise have been good, how to be unkind, mean,
ruthless and selfish. It is no coincidence our children were born to us. God
chose us to be their parents for a reason. We were meant to teach them what we
know concerning God’s wisdom, love and joy and if we
don’t, we might be making the biggest mistake of our lives.
Let’s pour a
lot of good ideas into our children’s heads, so at least it will balance all
the bad things they already hear! Freedom is important, but so is discipline.
The best solution to the dilemma of giving freedom versus giving direction
would be some kind of equilibrium. It seems as if I am just stating the
obvious, but sometimes stating the obvious is what really helps. When our children
are growing up, we must let them enjoy their age while at the same time
teaching them there will always be some rules they must abide by. We must be
their coach and their guiding light in the difficult road to growing up.
God, our Father in heaven, has carefully
designed a plan that will teach us wisdom, lead us to safety, protect us and
give us many graces. But for this to come to pass, we need obedience. Now, how
can we ever be obedient to a Father whom we don’t see when we have never
learned to be obedient to a father and a mother whom we do see? Obedience is a
consequence of love and trust. I trust my parents because I love them and know
they love me. I obey God my Father out of love and trust in His amazing love
for me!
Wisdom to
contemplate:
“He (Jesus) went down with them and came to Nazareth, and
was obedient to them (His parents).” (Luke2:51)
“Happy those whose way is blameless, who walk by the
teaching of the LORD. Happy those who observe God’s decrees, who seek the LORD
with all their heart. They do no wrong; they walk in God’s ways. You have given
them the command to keep your precepts with care. May my ways be firm in the
observance of your laws! Then I will not be ashamed to ponder all your
commands. I will praise you with sincere heart as I study your just edicts. I
will keep your laws; do not leave me all alone. How can the young walk without
fault? Only by keeping your words. With all my heart I seek you; do not let me
stray from your commands. In my heart I treasure your promise, that I may not
sin against you. Blessed are you, O LORD; teach me your laws. (from Psalm 119)
