Treat You Better
One of the hardest things about dating is to know when, and how to break up. It is hard, because dating someone means we think we finally feel we found "the one", it means we put our defences down, we have entered a stage which we see as sheer joy. And realizing this must come to an end is brutal.
We meet somebody and it is hard enough to figure out if they like us back. We sometimes go through weeks, if not months, or even years - trying to figure that out. Finally one day we realize the feeling is mutual. What a rush! Then you start dating, and you feel the most joy you have felt in a while.
We get attention, we get love. Sweet notes come and go. We can't get enough of that person. We get closer and closer. we get gifts, and we might get that app called "Locket", or decide to adopt a pet using "Pengu", or start sharing a Calendar etc. We get into routines that include the other person, after all we are finally dating and we feel safe. We get a good morning text every day, and every night we say good night. We know that certain days we do certain things and we dream of having even more special moments: Christmas, Valentine's, a birthday, the getting of a drivers licence....etc etc
One day out of nowhere they break our hearts. They do something so shocking, so revolting, so final that: we can no longer ignore the red flags we had been seeing but conveniently ignoring. We look in the mirror and we know, we can't continue with this person, we need to break up. So how do we go about it?
Well let me tell you it depends on a few things. It depends how how strong you feel, versus how attached you are to them. How dependent did you allow yourself to become? It also depends if you have figured out that they are master manipulators or not. Will they use their charm and try to bamboozle you into one more chance? Will they lie? Will you get second thoughts. Ideally we break up in person. But if we know that we must say good bye to somebody, but we know we might not be able to, well then you break up in whichever way you can - even through text. Yes you read that right, text is fine, you need to prioritize and protect yourself. That means you do what you need to do, even break up in unusual ways. Just make sure you are clear, to the point and that you are final. No going back and forth, no giving "one more chance". That never works.
If people have any chance to change, then people need time to think, they need time to miss us, and they need time to get help. Maybe they need a good spiritual director, priest, therapist or counselor. Let me tell you most people need time to figure things out, see where they went wrong, and miss us enough to want real change. And sad but true: Some people never change. They either don't want to or they do not have the strength etc.
So you have come to the point in which you know you must break up? You got the courage and you did it! Now what? Well my friends, now you need "no contact". Yes, you read that right, and no excuses. None!: "But, we need to remain friends", no! ... "But I am going to miss them", no! ... "But I am worried about them", no! Nothing, there is no reason good enough to remain in contact. To heal and get strong enough we need : No contact at all. No social media, no texting, no going to coffee, no talking about them non stop with friends, no keeping their stuff, no re-reading their letters and notes etc, no looking at your pictures together over and over, no hugging their gifts being a stuffy or a sweatshirt etc, nothing. Return most of the stuff - hopefully all. But whatever you keep, put it in a box and to the attic it goes. It needs to be like pulling a band aid - at once is less painful and faster. No checking what they post, and what they comment on Instagram etc. Ideally block them for 6 months to a year. And if your acquaintances can not stop trying to get you back together and bringing stories to you, cut from them for a while too.
You need time to heal. You need time to get strong. Just like when somebody has been in a house fire and have gotten really hurt. They have to go to the hospital first, but even when they are back home , they are so tender that they need time to recuperate. No sports, no going to the pool, no rough play with friends. So there! It is no different. You need time. You are like an addict to love. You need time away from whatever reminds you to your addiction. You can succeed , but it will take some sacrifice and a lot of strength!
Come on I believe in you ! You can do this!
PS: Contact me or leave me a message below if you want some extra help.
