Saturday, January 30, 2021

Like someone? Flirt with a purpose

In this rather messy world every now and then we meet someone special who grabs our interest.  We befriend them and we invest time and effort in the relationship.  As the relationship progresses we might  find ourselves having feelings for "our friend".  We might  try to ignore it, but feelings have a way of coming out.  And before we know it we are flirting.  

We give some subtle compliments, we let the person know they are somewhat special to us, we try to see them more often.  We don't call this liking.  We don't even allow ourselves to recognize it as liking in our brain, and we suppress what our heart already knows.  We like someone, but we are terrified to acknowledge our feelings.  

Why do we do this? Sometimes we want to let somebody know we like them, but  we simply lack nerve.  Afraid? You  might ask. Afraid of what?  Well, afraid of:  of rejection, of your friends finding out and making fun of you, afraid of the next step, afraid of your parents reaction to your first crush and the list goes on.  Yup, sometimes we are just cowards.  

Sometimes we lack clarity, true, and we really don't  know what is the next step.  But sometimes, the problem is worse, let's be honest sometimes we don't want clarity.  Why?  Because with clarity comes decision making, and decision making is hard business. But we can't forget the other person is a real human being.  Yes, shocking huh?  A real human with feelings, and they deserve honesty and clarity.  You deserve to be honest and clear both to the other person and to yourself.    Just because we refuse to acknowledge  we are flirting, and we call it something else, it does not mean we are being truthful.  We can't have our own definitions for words.  If you call someone a pet name, if you ask them to do something special, if you ask them if they like you etc - newsflash you are flirting.  Just because we refuse to recognize our feelings it does not mean they are not there.

So what can we do? 

Well, stringing people along is not fair, and should never be one of our options.  First people have feelings,  it's unfair and just plain wrong to play with their feelings.  And second, because it eventually can all  blow up on our faces.  We can end up losing that person that was most important to us and that cared most for us.  We all have feelings, we can't be so self involved that we ignore the fact that we might be hurting someone that does not deserve it. 

If we do nothing at all we might miss out on the best thing we had going for us. Often the best things in life are for those who have courage, for humans who are ready to face their fears and insecurities, and take that next step.  

  • Guys you need to ask girls on dates! That makes your intentions clear to the girl and yes to your own brain!  
  •  Girls don't flirt just to have one more guy in the list of people who like you, that is just vain and cruel.  
  • If you are not interested in dating for whatever reason, well say it from the get-go.
  • If you have not made up your mind and like more than one human, well then don't act like you are smitten by someone and make them believe that you are into them.  

The problem is not to not be sure, no, that is not the problem people!  The problem is, to not be sure, but act as if you are sure.  Look if you are looking for someone special don't play with people's feelings.  People don't like being played with and they will erase you.  One day you  might just realize that you lost the best thing you had going for you!

Flirt but flirt with a purpose.  

Date but date with a purpose. 

Fall in love but don't fall in love by accident.  

You deserve better and so does she/he!

Monday, January 18, 2021

Am I a crush or a friend?

Clarity Please 

Navigating the waters of liking someone is not easy in the year 2021, and it won't get any easier in the future.  So what can one do?  Well for one, we can try our best to not be part of the problem.  
Do on to others as you would like them to do to you!   Does that age old Bible wisdom ring a bell?  When we deal with people and their feelings we need to be very careful.  It is easy to feel important and get lost in the excitement of the moment.  But we can not lose sight of the fact that it is a person we are dealing with.  Stringing a guy/girl along is not only unkind it is cruel.

If we hate the way others are behaving towards us, we need to start changing the world by having the courage to be the ones to act different.  When someone shows interest or affection for you, cherish them.  It is not every day that someone gets to experience the love or admiration from someone else. Don't be confusing, don't send wrong signals, don't lie with your words or with your body.  Look manipulating people is unkind and simply wrong.  We need to clarify our feelings and intentions when someone shows interest in us from the get go!

If you show affection in any way, if you flirt, if you give hope and then pretend you never did - that is cruel.  I know that if you are reading this you are probably someone who would not purposely be cruel to anyone.  But sometimes we end up getting carried away and acting in an unkind way towards others unintentionally. So we need to pay attention, and live more intentional lives.  

Manipulating people is unkind and simply wrong. If you have someone that is showing you interest or affection:

    Be clear and honest from the beginning
    Do  not give them false signals, or false hope 
   Don't act to your friends as if you have never been interested, specially if it's not true 
    Don't talk about the person as if they are dying for you and use them to gain admiration 
    Be  a gentleman/ kind woman and do not use others as props to get attention for yourself
    Don't lie to yourself, you might miss out in the best thing that ever happened to you.  

In summary  look:  if you do have feelings, don't be an idiot lol.  If you don't have feelings don't be a liar.  Please keep this in mind, hearts are fragile and one day it will be your turn.  Be kind, be fair, be extraordinary. 

 Certainly todays times are calling for more extraordinary humans. 

Will you commit to being one?

Saturday, January 16, 2021

Parents, Teens and Dating: What do I do?

Guys, girls and feelings... what a dilemma.  You know just yesterday I heard about a girl whose parents will not let her date until she is 23.  She is currently 16.  This girl is not even allowed to like someone.  Now while I understand that her parents love her and only want what is best for her; and while the Bible does call for children to respect their parents, well the Bible also calls for parents to not exasperate their children.  It also says God never gives us burdens heavier than we can carry, and it calls us to be like Him.  So parents should not give their kids rules to hard to follow, or to unreasonable to bear.

Look if you are a teen or a parent reading this, just stay with me.  I am going to make a case for this poor teen.  We  all want someone special, and we all want to love and to be loved.  This poor girl's parents must have forgotten what it was like when they were young.  I remember being only six,  yes people 6 years old and feeling in love with a fellow kindergartener called Luis Ricardo.  We used to hold hands and dream with getting married one day.  Strange story yes,  nevertheless true.  Now did I end up marrying Luis Ricardo, nope, my dad got a job in a different country and we ended up moving there.  My love story with Luis Ricardo ended at the airport when he came to say goodbye with a sweet little teddy bear for me.  

What is my point?  Is my point that six year olds should date?  Nope not at all, if that is what you think you missed the point completely and you need to read more carefully lol.  My point is that any of us at any given time, are capable of having feelings for a special someone.  We are not robots that can be programmed, and we are not in control of when or for who we get romantic feelings for.    Parents are being unreasonable if they think they can try to regulate when their kids can start having romantic feelings for someone.  

I remember also in primary school, and in primary school plenty a kid had crushes and plenty a kid had  girlfriends/boyfriends.  Primary School, that was like over 30 years ago for me  gulp, but it gives you a good point of reference of how things truly have not changed all that much.  Humans are humans and will always be humans.  Wow that was deep lol.  No but for real, no matter the year, no matter the technology the human heart always remains the same.  What we choose to do with the feelings we get might have changed a lot, but that is a topic for a different post, but the feelings themselves have always been the same, from the beginning of time.  

In my opinion parents should try their best to be reasonable, and at least meet their kids half way.  Parents need to make an effort to remember how things were when they were young.  Trying to make unreasonable demands, only makes kids hide things from their parents.  Why?  Because we can't help how we feel, and we will be afraid to share what is in our mind and heart when we know our feelings are being judged harshly.  

So if your parents have unreasonable rules,  try to talk to them.  If that does not work, try to talk to someone in the family or in your group of friends you trust, that can talk to them.  If that does not work, well pray.  God always helps, and if you are patient...and you are respectful, eventually things will get better.

Having feelings is normal.  Acting on those feelings is a whole other thing.  Take your time.   Make God your priority.  Pray and all will fall into place!  

Life is good, God is love and you are extraordinary!  Don't ever forget that!  

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