Needing Stitches? Help is here

Ten days ago I went to a Shawn Mendez concert.  It was wonderful.  He was full of joy and the concert concentrated on his skills;  his gifts as a musician, not a spectacle to cover up the fact that he might not be as good as people perceive him to be,  no bells and whistles - Just Shawn Mendez, his smile, his sweetness, his honesty and his guitar.  It was refreshing.  As we were dancing and singing the song "Stitches" came up.  And as he sang from his heart, I reflected upon the fact that no matter how famous, how rich, how handsome, how gifted - this man had suffered.  And as I looked around the stadium, people singing from the top of their lungs - all those people knew how it felt to hurt to the point, where you think, you might just need stitches.

All human beings have hearts.  And all hearts long for love.  Sometimes we make a mistake and we give love to the wrong person.  Our heart breaks and we grieve.  We feel that our life can't go on.  we physically feel the pain.

At these times we need to remember that everyone has gone through something similar.  I would be willing to bet that there is not a human being, that has not been heart broken to the point they nearly needed "stitches".  When we realize it's not us, that it happens to everyone  - and that it takes time and courage to find our person, our vocation, our calling, our purpose in life  - then we can begin to heal.  

Perhaps part of the pain is because we need to let go of control.  We humans usually think we know everything, but we don't.  There is a big part of life that needs faith and trust in God's plan for us.  We are not alone, we are loved and cared for by a God that has a purpose and a wonderful plan for our life.  He truly does work all things unto good for those who love him.  We need to trust and to remember we are indeed loved, and that sometimes the timing is just not right.

When our heart breaks and we fell the loneliness and pain that brings, we need to lean on God.  When you need stitches because somebody has lied, or betrayed your trust and your love -  know that God will never leave you and that his grace will always be available for healing.  

We might need "Stitches"- but the good thing about stitches is that it is the first sure step for healing.  Take care of the wound, and do your part.  Stay away from the person that hurt you.  Not because of revenge, but because you need a lot of time to heal.  A wound can get stitches and heal, or a wound can get stitches and if we keep picking at it, or hurting it over and over again, that wound will get infected and even cause a gangrene.  It is up to you to help your wound heal well.  

Wait until your wound is completely healed and you are strong. Block that person from everywhere in your social media, and do not answer their calls.  Avoid them like the plague, at least from 6 months to a year.  Some people might need to leave your life for good: they are that toxic, that unwilling to change, that selfish, that manipulative etc.   

Remember:   It is not revenge it is survival.

Time to say Goodbye? Save your tears and don't look back!

                                                     Walking Away… Save Your Tears

Love is a wonderful thing — but yes, love can also be one of the most painful things. Sometimes we give our hearts too quickly. Sometimes we give the benefit of the doubt one too many times. Sometimes we are blinded by the fact that we are finally living a dream — the dream of saying, “I’ll ask my boyfriend/girlfriend…” The dream of walking around campus holding hands, just like all those other couples we’ve seen so many times.  The dream of going on romantic dates, of celebrating anniversaries, of receiving a stunning bouquet of flowers. The dream of that special text that says “Good night, love.” The dream of going to church together, of getting a surprise café latte, of receiving a surprise visit at work. The dream we’ve longed for so many times — the dream that seemed like everyone but us was living.

But then the small red flags start to appear — little comments that put you down, small lies, temper tantrums, a lack of purpose or direction in life. When those flags start showing, it’s time to pray, reflect, and make a decision. It’s not healthy to stay with someone only because you don’t want to be alone.

If the relationship you’re in feels like a black hole… walk away. Radical acceptance is necessary so you can make good decisions — decisions that lead to a future with less pain, less drama, and less heartbreak. It’s true — breaking up is terribly hard. And in a breakup, more than one heart usually breaks. But if you don’t date for fun, and you’re truly looking for a partner for life, you need to act as soon as you see the red flags.

Do it like pulling off a bandage — all at once. No breaking up and getting back together. No. Make the decision, and then don’t look back. People usually don’t change overnight. If they ever do, they need time — one, two, even three years or more — to work on themselves. Live your life, meet new people, and if God intends this person to be part of your future, He will make sure your paths cross again — renewed and ready for a fresh opportunity for love.

Unrealistic expectations will hurt you more than facing reality. Look honestly at who they are, then be honest with yourself and with them. Sometimes people take it well, but often they don’t. Still, come what may, you must be fearless, strong, and determined.

Sometimes you might even face a smear campaign — it’s true. But remember: you know who you are. You know your intentions. And you know that God knows your heart. Be confident. And most of all, stay close to God, because only He can heal, only He can strengthen, and only He can give you the grace it takes to move on.