What to Do When the Narcissist’s Mask Comes Off
So, how do narcissistic people mess with our minds? The answer is simple: in so many ways, they leave our heads spinning. And honestly, it would be funny if it wasn’t so heart-crushing. A narcissist will gaslight us, lie, manipulate, dismiss us, minimize our feelings, break our hearts, and more. It can be frustrating, exhausting, and just downright maddening to have a narcissist in our lives.
Now, you may be wondering, what exactly do I mean when I say "narcissist"? Well, let’s break it down:
Narcissistic People:
- Always looking for ways to create an advantage for themselves in any situation (it's all about them, after all).
- Lack empathy (their motto: Who cares about your feelings?).
- Live in a world of grandiosity and egocentricity—they’re always the star of the show.
- Selfish to the core (don’t expect them to share the spotlight).
- The “Grandiose Narcissist” parent is always desperate to be liked and will go to great lengths to make sure they are adored.
- Master of deflection—it’s never their fault, always someone else’s.
- Validation-seeking (they need constant praise, like always).
- Arrogant, thinking they know more than experts in any field.
- Constantly criticize others while invalidating or minimizing your accomplishments.
- Generous... as long as it makes them look good (it’s about them again, isn’t it?).
- A know-it-all (if you don’t know something, they’ll be happy to tell you why they’re right).
- Even with many perks, they’ll constantly feel they aren’t getting the recognition they “deserve”.
- Not very grateful—they’re entitled to everything done for them.
- Occasionally shames or insults their own child (nothing says love like a passive-aggressive comment, right?).
- Dismissive of other people’s efforts (nothing you do is ever good enough).
- Never satisfied or content with anything—this manifests as constant criticism, complaining, anger, frustration, and contempt. It’s like living in a storm cloud, and guess who’s always the lightning rod?
- Always sees themselves as better—they’re the king or queen, and the rest of us are just... peons.
- The grandiose narcissist might even tell you to your face that you’re stupid and that they know everything. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how they roll.
- They’re judgmental, critical, and argumentative (a never-ending debate, with them always winning, of course).
- Insecurity is at their core—don’t let their bravado fool you.
- Chronic dissatisfaction, especially at work—there's always someone or something to blame.
- As parents, they flip-flop between competing with their child and seeing them as an extension of themselves (so if your success makes them look good, they won’t correct you... but if you embarrass them, watch out).
The Narcissist in a Nutshell:
- They deflect responsibility, shift blame, and triangulate (pitting people against each other).
- They love to devalue—criticizing you and making you feel less than. And let’s not forget, they always have to look good in everyone else’s eyes.
- They compare themselves to others, and no, they’re never satisfied with what they have.
- Special occasions? Not unless it’s on their terms (and, of course, if it makes them look amazing).
- No kindness. No empathy. No respect. No accountability. They would have to acknowledge they have flaws to do that—and we all know that’s not happening.
Some people describe narcissists as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. Funny thing is, they often have a lot of self-control. They can be charming, extroverted, and interesting—or introverted and vulnerable. Either way, they make you want to dive into their lives, thinking you can "save" them. But here's the kicker—you don’t see their true face until it’s too late. Many people are already deep into a friendship or relationship with a narcissist before their mask falls, and we finally see them for who they really are.
So, Is It Easy to Deal with a Narcissist?
Nope, not at all. But sometimes, either we’re in too deep, or they might even be someone in our family. So what’s left? Damage control. The narcissist is like in a mental prison. They have lied to themselves so long, they do not know how to stop. Sometimes they just don't want to stop, period.
And the worse part is that when the mask comes off, it's not like we can confront them, we actually shouldn't. So what do we do? Well, when the mask comes off, let them. Let them try to fool us, try to get away with their schemes, manipulation, and tactics. Let them double down. Let them continue to gas light. Just let them. Arguing won't change them, logic won't touch them, appeals for empathy won't make a difference.
When the mask comes off, just let them. Let them say whatever and then try to walk away. Then pray, pray hard for yourself and for them. And remember, as Christians, we are called to love, even our enemies. That doesn’t always mean we have to stay in close contact with them, though. Sometimes, it means we need to cut them off and pray from a distance. Other times, it means learning to live with them, picking our battles wisely, and knowing when to walk away from a fight or discussion.
In the next post, I’ll dive into strategies for managing a narcissist without losing yourself in the process.
