Dating and Hygiene - Please come clean !

Dates, Dating, Crushes and More...

Well, well, well so you like someone huh?  Great!  Liking someone is so much fun!  Now if you like someone and you think you would like to one day date them? Well, there is something we need to discuss.  I have met amazing people.  I have met great people in the church, great people at my daughter's University, great friends of my kids etc.  Now sometimes someone we know has a great personality, they are even quite cute, and they are interesting BUT they wonder why they are not getting that girl or guy they have a crush on.

I sit and I ponder.  Should I tell them why?

It is hard.  It is hard to be honest with someone.  But often times it is necessary to be honest with someone you care about.  I think, I ponder and then I decide to stay quiet.  But the person suffers, they are clueless, they don't understand why they are "so unlucky" when it comes to love.  Well, since I don't have the guts to tell them face to face, and since it has happened dozens and dozens of times - I decided to write about it.  I hope this post while short and to the point will help thousands of humans, here we go.

Simple concept:

No matter how cute you are, how nicely you dress, how rich you are, how smart you are, how funny, what great eyes you have...well no hygiene no luck in dating.

Here is the list:

Clean teeth is not optional.  No gunk, and no bad breath.  And no people that is not too much to ask!  If you ate a pizza and part of the crust stuck to your front teeth and you know it and can see it, TRUST me everybody can see it, and it's not good.  Here, let me put it bluntly: it is disgusting.  But, you say, I didn't have my toothbrush.  Well, I say, carry it with you.  You can excuse yourself and quickly go to the bathroom and have a little brushing.  But having said that, mouth hygiene is cumulative.  You can not expect to never take care of your teeth and then the day you want them clean, you think they magically will be sparkling.  Care for your mouth and oral hygiene.  I am not talking the colour of the teeth.  Different people have different colours, because of different reasons, that is fine.  I know people with yellowish teeth that do not have one cavity and whose teeth are the cleanest I know.  I know people with white teeth that have gunk on them constantly and that would make someone run.  Each day, after each meal:  brush your teeth.  It is that simple.  Once a day, maybe at night, floss your teeth - it's important.  

Baths/Showers are not optional.  Take a shower every day - period.  If you think you stink - you stink!  If you stink don't expect people to want to date you.  Stench is disgusting and it says a lot about who we are.  If we can not take care of ourselves well enough to take a simple shower and stay clean, then how can we take care of anything else?  Men are looking for women that can be good moms one day.  Women are looking for men that would make good partners and fathers one day.  If you can not take care of the most basic thing in your life, keeping yourself clean, then how do you think you come across?  And it is unpleasant, and keep in mind stench in the body comes from bacteria.  Either your arm pits, your butt, or your personal parts are sweaty or worse, and full of bacteria - SHOWER!  Shower and use soap.  Soap up the armpits, the butt, and all important parts.  Nothing stays without soap.  Rub and scrub and then rinse it off.  5 minutes that is all it takes for a new you.  

Ear wax yuk!:  Every few days you need to clean your ears.  Some people use cotton swabs, some people hate them.  If you hate cotton swabs, take a small towel and wash your ear with it.  Gently massage the nooks and crannies of it. Whatever you do, please do something because the ears collect wax and eventually the wax overflows.  There is nothing more gross than to look at someone and when they turn to the side, you see white/yellowy wax gunk on the ear.  It is an instant turn off, and instant: NO!  An instant: RUN!  

 Please wash your hair at least every three days.  The head can stink and there is nothing worse than a stinky head.  Also hair gets greasy and it looks disgusting.  If you have dandruff, buy "Head and Shoulders" or put coconut oil or find a solution.  Dandruff is an instant put off.  Cut your hair every so often and keep it tidy.  Nobody likes a slob!  There I said it, someone had to!

Clean clothes.  You can not expect to never wash your clothes and for them to smell good.  You need to understand if your clothes smell bad, YOU smell bad too.  Clothes absorb food smells and our bad smells AKA sweat.  Please use a T-Shirt no more than two days, one if you stink it up. Pants no more than four days. Here is a great concept:  change your underwear every day  General rule: If you think your clothes stink, everyone can smell them too!  Oh yes!  And do not let your clothes sit wet for long periods, that makes them stink terribly.  If you forget your clothes in the washer for more than six hours, or when you sniff them they smell, you have to wash them again.

Clothes General.  You can't look like a slob.  If you want to be attractive try at least a little bit.  There is a fairly good looking guy at my daughter's University but he uses thin sweat pants that look like Pyjamas and you can almost see his private parts, no good.  Look a clean pair of jeans and a nice T Shirt goes a long way.  You don't have to spend millions in clothes just don't be a slob.Your shoes/feet should not stink, here is a general rule if you can smell them - everyone can smell them too.  

Try to avid stinky food.  I don't care how much you like it !  Stinky food gives you bad breath and it stinks up your clothes including your jacket in the winter.  Avoid stinky food.

Check yourself.  Not everyone has time to shower every day.  But you need to wake up early enough to have time to check yourself.  Smell yourself, if you think you stink, you stink!  Use baby wet wipes and deodorant or wet a towel and rub.  Whatever you need to do, but take care of it.  Also look in the mirror. Look carefully at your eyes, make sure there are no eye gunk, or any crust.  Even better, maybe you do not shower every morning, BUT you should wash your face every morning and every night before bed.  If you do that you should be pretty ok with your face issues.  Check your teeth after you eat out, simply excuse yourself and go to the bath room and swish with water and take a look.  If they look clean you are good to go.

Face full of pimples.  Look pimples are a pain in the neck, I get it.  And some pimples we can not avoid.  But I am here to tell you that there are many pimples that we can avoid.  If I have ten pimples but could have only three - why then chose to have ten!  It makes no sense.  So here are some tips, wisdom the ages.  Do theses things and your life will improve when it comes to pimples.  Wash your face every morning after waking up, and every night before going to bed.  JUST DO IT!  I am trying to help you here, so no discussions, say I am your borrowed advisor/friend.  Also pay attention when you got that nasty pimple, what did you eat that was out of the usual?  I am gonna tell you some things that 100% give nasty pimples from my experience:  Costco pastries, including muffins and chocolate chip cookies.  Cheap pastries in general.  Cheap Chocolate specially Cadburys, I only eat Lyndt and I am very careful.  Certain cheeses, you have to be like a hawk and notice and immediately stop eating the cheese that you guess is the problem.  Cheap greasy products, use Olive Oil and butter and Coconut Oil only.

Remedies:  If you get pimples.  Wash your face.  Use a good quality coconut oil at night.  Yes you apply it to your face, yes it heals and does not give pimples.  Also you can use a dash of Tea Tree Oil mixed with the coconut oil in stubborn pimples.  And do not mess with your pimples, not unless they are white and ready to pop, then you gently press them, hopefully not with your nails.

If you want to go an extra mile, pick a nice perfume or cologne, don't use too much of it, just a tad, and go out smelling like heaven.  If you don't have money for cologne , no problem.  Clean is always the best smell in the world! 

Well, these are some tips for you.  Change these things and I am pretty sure: your dating life will improve. 

 Remember we can not always blame the world, change needs to start with us!

OBVIOUSLY:  This is to let you know that I am not a doctor or a psychologist etc and my advise is only based on my life experience.  My advise is given as a friend would give it to a friend.  Simply my opinion.

Advent - Time of Hope

Almost Christmas...but not yet!  Oh yeah it's called Advent.  

This year has been tough, and is actually an understatement.  Not that the ones before were easy - Covid, the beginning of the conflict in the Middle East, Israel, Gaza, Ukraine, Russia.   Remember? Who can forget, my head is spinning.  But we are not here to talk about Covid, or the beginning of those horrible conflicts that are going on around the world.  We are here to talk about 2024, and how to feel joy regardless of what is going on in your city, your country, the world.  

There is uncertainty and fear for many.  There are horrible situations that you might be going through.  How in the world can we be expected to feel joy?

Well God tells us, in Phillipians 4:8,  that: "in every situation...whatever is:

• True
• Good
• Holy
• Honorable
• Just
• Lovely
• Commendable
• If there is any excellence
• Anything worthy of praise

Think about these things !"

So yes there are terrible things some people are going through - that is a fact.  But if we have to go through something, and there is nothing we can do about it, at least we can mitigate the hardships and the evil we encounter, and we can draw some good and get enough strength and healing to go through it.  

We can always receive grace, we can always receive healing, God always wants to comfort us and draw us close to His Heart.  All we need to do is our part.  So go ahead and think about that list, don't let anyone or anything steal your free will.  There must be something you can think of, something you can hold on to, something you can chose to think about - other than whatever evil is surrounding you. 

 God is ready!  Ready to hold us in His arms, we just have to let Him!  

All we need to do is to use the power of our will.  Control our minds and  not let ourselves sink into the depths of depression. self pity and despair - that will not help.  That will make things worse, it will change us, consume us, finish us!  

Do not let your circumstances take the best of you! 

Rise above, by asking Jesus Christ to come to your aid.  

Even if all you have is a tiny bit of strength use it for the prayer :  Jesus Help me!

He will come right away. 

God promises that when we do our part "and the God of peace will guard our hearts and minds"  He will come to our aid.  He alone knows what we need most.  He will surround us with protection, strength and peace.  

This Advent there is a lot we can do, no matter what our circumstances.  Why?  Because we have the power to pray and God is on our side.  We have the power to offer up our hardships for a greater good to come out of them.  And we have the power to hope in Him who is our Saviour.  He will come, He will help, He will heal.  This Advent chose Hope!

All we have to do is ask, and trust.  

May the God of peace that surpasses all understanding be with you!

Love from miles away

I love every single one of my readers.  Not only I love and appreciate you, but I pray for you often.  I know that"Blogger" has not made it easy for some of you to get in touch with me.  I am writing a quick note to give you an email address, and my Instagram etc, where you can send suggestions, questions, comments or prayer requests.  

My email:  light_in_u@yahoo.com  (Subject: Princess in Overalls)

My Instagram:  Sacred Heart Rosaries (Please Follow Me)

I hope that this is enough for you to be able to contact me in an easier way!  I can't wait to hear from you.  Please check out my book:  "Princess in Overalls"  in AMAZON.COM, and AMAZON.CA.  You can find it by writing the name of the book plus my name next to it in the search bar like this:

Princess in Overalls by Carolina Prada

"Princess in Overalls" is in Kindle as well.

I am also in the process of putting it in Audible so keep your eyes open!

I love this community and can't wait to be more helpful to you and be much more active!

Many blessings from Canada,

Carolina Prada

Letting go of Bad Friends - Sometimes for a season

Is being alone that bad?  How can we chose to put up with so much?  Why do we insist in putting our soul at risk?  Do we not see just how precious we are?  Do we not understand, that valuable things need to be protected and cherished? We are  much more valuable than we think! We are so much more valuable than anything out there, we must not let people treat us like we are not. 

We shouldn't put up with people who do not give us the value we deserve.  We have the strength and the grace in us, to live a happy life without people who harm us and bring us down.  We need to be picky, and to select only great people around us.  

Maybe that means we will only have one good friend, so be it !  Maybe that means we will have none for a time.  Be strong, focus on the things you enjoy.  Work on your dreams.  Learn.  This life is so much more than just settling for mediocre people. Do you not see the beauty around you? 

The wrong "friend"  can change your life, and for the worse.  Do you not see, how much the wrong person can hurt you?  Your mental health?  Your feelings?  Your confidence? There are many broken people out there, that would love nothing more than to break you too!  There are a lot of jealous, envious, bitter, narcissistic, plain old evil people out there.  It is up to you to protect yourself.  You owe it to yourself to be selective, and to perhaps opt for a time of journeying on your own if necessary.

I am praying for you, please pray for me too.  Do not lose heart.  There are many of us out there still.  Even when all seems lost - it is not.  Hold on to our Lord Jesus.  Everything passes everything is perfect.  

You can do this!

Being Kind to Beautiful

Sometimes we meet someone whose life seems perfect.  They are beautiful.  They are loved.  They seem to have everything.  Everything we don't have.  

It is hard.  It is hard to know someone who has everything we ever wanted.  A person who seems to have it all.  And the worse part is - they don't even seem to understand just how lucky they are.  But we do.  We realize it, and it stings.  Yes, it makes us upset, even angry.  But why?

 One word: envy.  

Sometimes we don't grasp just how envious we can become.  We are unkind, sometimes even downright mean; and still we justify the way we act, and how we reject others.  We justify our lack of kindness.  And the worse part is, the more this person we so deeply envy is kind to us, the more our unkindness is made evident, and the more we hate them.  

Sounds familiar?  Maybe, the answer is yes.  Then you really need to read my post about envy.  

But maybe the answer is no.   Maybe you are that person, the one that gets tired of being the object of envy.   Tired of jealousy directed at you.  Tired of someone that seems determined to hate you no matter how kind you are to them.  You love people, but it doesn't seem to matter.  Sometimes one or more of those people you so deeply care about,  seem determined to shun you.  With no real reason, they mistreat you, with no explanation they reject you.  

My advise is: don't fret.  If you are not being appreciated, it's not your fault.  If others are jealous of you , it's on them.  Why long for those who don't give you the value you deserve?  You need to be strong.  For your own good, be strong.  Times change, people change too.  Get busy, give some time and most importantly, pray.  Whatever you do, don't make too much of it.  Because it's not you that is broken, it's them,  It's not you that needs to change, it's them.  It's not you that is sinning, it's them.  If you know someone that is bitter and envious of you, pray for them.  

Some people are incapable of feeling happy for people who shine, but is that a reason to stop shining?  If they themselves are doing badly, if their life is miserable then please try to understand them.  Pray for them.  Pray, because, for those who choose to justify jealousy and envy life does not improve.  Life just becomes more miserable with every bad action they take.  Every time they gossip, every time they snob you, every time they weave their little schemes and intrigues, every time they lie about you, every single time: they bring more misery unto themselves.

God always blesses us with at least one person who is special, one who can truly appreciate us.  Someone who loves us from the heart.  Let that be enough.  Because with relationships, truly, it is not quantity but quality that matters.  Open your eyes and find the people in your life who truly love you.  And be grateful.

 Remember, part of being grateful for something/someone, is to realize that you have enough.  Enough love.  Enough support.  Enough comfort.  Enough admiration.  Enough encouragement.  Don't be greedy, embrace the freedom of understanding that you do in fact have enough.  

God gives us enough, He always gives us more than enough.  He who is kindness and love itself, blesses us beyond our understanding, with enough of everything we need, to be happy and holy.

As for that person/people who does not appreciate you? Maybe they can change one day.

... but  maybe you too could change today!

Teens ignoring teens

                                           

What makes us cool or accepted?  Is it our age?  Is it the way we look?  Is it our intelligence?  Is it perhaps our sense of humour?  How are we perceived?  

Have you ever wondered?  Does it really matter?  Should you even care?  

What is a loser?  Who decides?  Is it the majority?  

What if it is a majority of losers that is deciding?  lol

We are all insecure, all trying to love and to be loved.   Why is it that we give so much importance to what other people think of us?  Why is it that people can be so cruel sometimes?  

If you are lonely, if you have ever felt left out, well then read on.  All these questions and more are questions that matter, they  matter because they affect our self confidence and can affect our emotions.  These are questions that start mattering at the teen years, but honestly they never really stop hunting us.  So instead of sticking our head in the ground like an ostrich, lol, lets stop running away from these questions and face them head on.

Sometimes people find friends in their teen years that last a life time.  Sometimes people find friends in their teen years and then they move on, and lose contact with those people and never see them again.  Sometimes you make friends and you think they care about you, and then something happens and you realize that those people that you cared so much about, were not worth your time.  

Nothing is a guarantee in life, and when are dealing with other humans it's not a sure science.  So what should we do?  How can we find happiness?  Peace?  Joy? 

 I think the key to a happy life, is to have total trust in God and confidence in the fact that everything changes.  If today things are good , if you have friends - well enjoy!  And do not worry about the future.  If today you are lonely and feel rejected by others, well have hope and remember that things don't last forever.  Situations change, things turn around and before you know it, you are out of the dark.

God never gives us more that what we can handle, and if we trust in Him, everything that happens can be for our good.  It all can help us grow in holiness and in virtue.  Don't give up, keep hoping regardless of how your situation looks like and you will be alright. 

 In this life there are ups and downs.  Nothing is written in stone.  Everything changes, if you give enough time.  Remember you were made perfect, there is only one of you, you are full of gifts and if people can not see that  - well that is their loss.  If they do not appreciate you, if people don't get you, remember you are valuable and move on.  

You don't need people that do not understand how precious you are.  Who needs that?  Get busy, distract yourself and before you know it you will find people that deserve you, and that place where you fit perfectly.  

The Bible says do not give pearls to pigs or holy things to dogs.  Why?  Because they will destroy them.  If you are hurting or you feel rejected, remember it may not be you that needs to change, it might not be you who is broken,  it might be that you simply need to pick better friends.  

It is better to be alone for a while, than in bad company!

Expecting great from little humans

                                          

Can we expect "great" from a small kid?  Great character, great behaviour, great love? Should we teach what is right and what is wrong from a young age?  

Oh heavens yes!  

Do me a favour if you have a small sibling, don't enable them when they act badly.  They are capable of understanding, and they are capable of great things.  Why would we not help them be great?  

Truth be told,  I have seen plenty a kid maybe between 4-9 years old that are spoiled rotten by parents that seem to be under the impression, that these children are incapable of being:  kind, respectful, loving etc.  There parents allow these "little terrors" to rule their house.  These "little ones" run around terrorizing older siblings and friends of the family.  They are rude, harsh, aggressive and extremely disrespectful and annoying to all who are around them.  Do you know someone like this? Maybe even in your own house?

God made us with an incredible capacity to love.  Our spirits are made for greatness.  When parents and siblings don't correct "the little ones" in a family , they are robbing them from something precious; the ability to truly shine!  They are also smashing any opportunity to becoming well adjusted, well functioning humans.  What do you think , do you think that it is easier to learn obedience, respect and kindness from the time you are a little baby....or do you think that it will be easier to learn after years of getting away with a reign of terror?  Kind and loving do not happen by magic!

Honestly bad habits become part of who we are.  If a person acts the same terrible way over a period of time - it will become a bad habit.  Act that same terrible way over a prolonged period of time and it will become part of who you are. 

So if you have a small sibling at home that is out of control, well first of all pray about it.  Then address it with your mom and dad.  If all else fails, at least you can try to teach what is good and right to them.  Believe me you will be doing a labor of love.  True love teaches what is true and right and expects great things from people.  We need to love one another.  We need to believe that we can be great.  We need to teach holiness and hope for holiness, so that holiness can shine in a soul.  

If you know a small person who:

• Disrespects those older than them
• Are cruel and unkind with their siblings  and piers
• Are harsh and threatening towards people
• Manipulate their parents
• Want to act as if they are way older than they truly are, etc

If you know kids like these, speak up.  Don't tolerate bad behaviour, you will be doing them a service.  Otherwise these "little tyrants" will grow up to be monsters....and it might be to late to fix things at this point.  

Don't be part of the problem....be bold, pray and act.  All things are possible for those who love God!  Believe and things will change.

Lonely and Depressed: Don’t Let Your Faith Dwindle!

The Bible tells us: “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.”(Hebrews 11:1) What do we hope for? We hope for God’s promises to become a reality in our lives. Faith believes these promises will be fulfilled. Faith is experiencing God’s love, even though we might not see Him with our eyes. Faith is the glasses, placed on the eyes of our heart, through which we see God. Faith is a gift.

In the Bible, God also tells us: “The victory that conquers the world is our faith.” (1 John 5:4) This is a huge statement to meditate on, because faith is something we should never take for granted.

Is our faith real, or is it a counterfeit? Does it arise out of the passing emotion of the moment, or is it everlasting? Is it there to stay, or will it be stolen by the enemy when trials, persecution or temptations come? In my opinion, a great benefit comes from second-guessing ourselves and not being too proud about the greatness of our faith. Why? We can become too excited and too overconfident, and then we will be in danger because this is when the enemy will attack us. Scripture says “Be sober and vigilant.  Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him steadfast in faith…”(1 Peter 5:8-9) Faith is a shield, and so we must always have our shield up and ready but if we are overconfident, we might not realize our shield is not as strong as it needs to be! We do not want to get too comfortable and let down our guard. Hence we must give our hearts and elevate our minds to God each morning, surrendering our will and placing our trust in Him, humbly asking Him to strengthen our faith.

How can we believe in someone we do not see? God is so good and loving to His children that He has revealed Himself to us. All we need to do is to want to get to know Him. It is difficult to believe in Someone we do not personally know, to believe in that Person’s goodness, love, mercy and power. If we say we have faith in God, but we have not taken the time to get to know Him, this could mislead us we might end up thinking it is enough to just say we have faith.

            Saying we have faith is not enough. It does not necessarily mean we have faith in our hearts. We might want to have faith, might even try to have faith, but without getting to know God, our efforts are in vain. Knowing requires learning. I know math only after I learn math. Likewise, I know my classmates only after I take time to learn about who they are and what is going on in their lives.

            In the same way, learning about God can lead us to knowing God. And knowing God will lead us to loving God, and loving God will lead us to having great faith and trust in Him. Why? Because, as we fall in love with Him, we will naturally desire to do His will. As we start to do His will, our life will be turned around, and His graces will fully flow into our heart. Faith, God’s greatest gift to us, will then become firmly established in us, and we will be able to see the difference that it makes to live our lives in the presence of God.

            As we get to know God, a great desire to love Him will be unleashed. As we come to understand the greatness of His love for us and see how He loved us first, we will desperately try to love Him back, and then we will quickly come to the realization that to love Him we need to align ourselves with His will. This takes work. We cannot just lean back and say, “I believe in God, and this is enough for me.” No way! We need to put time into our relationship with Him. Only then will we come to experience the fullness of His promises. Only then will we come to enjoy the fruits of His Spirit living in us. Only then will we come to live under the shadow of His wings.

            When we get to know God, we learn that we need to follow His ways in order to be fulfilled in this world and completely happy in the next. We cannot just try to do it our way! He is all knowing, and we are not, so we need to listen to Him and do what He tells us! Through prayer, meditation and Bible reading, we come to understand what He wants from us. If we are humble and we recognize that there is much for us to learn and much for us to change, we will allow His loving hands to mold us and make us brand new. Then we will start experiencing a brand new life.

            We must make a commitment to learn His ways, doing what He tells us, obeying His loving words of advice for us. Like the psalmist, we need to pray: “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path. I make a solemn vow to keep your just edicts…Your decrees are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on fulfilling your laws; they are my reward forever.” (Psalm 119:105-106,111-112) This psalm reflects a true understanding of the fact that God loves us with an everlasting perfect love. All He wants is for us is to be safe under the shadow of His protection. His desire for us is for us to experience the joy that it is to have His love living inside our hearts. His desire for us is for us to come to everlasting life.

            We must take to heart words of advice that have been said by Christians before us. Great saints give great advice. I once read that “In the deepest solitude, God speaks to our hearts.” Maybe that is why sometimes He allows us to become a bit lonely, so that we can let go of all that is preventing us from listening to Him. Only then, when we are ready to listen, can He lovingly speak to our hearts and show us the way to be followed.

Faith makes us act. If faith does not make us act, then we have fooled ourselves, and perhaps we have no faith at all. As it says in the book of James, faith without actions is dead. (James 2:17) And faith that is dead is no faith at all. True faith saves us because it leads us to go to Him and to follow Him with our hearts and with our actions. Have we come to know God yet? What are we waiting for?!

Wisdom to contemplate:

“But without faith it is impossible to please him, for anyone who approaches God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6)

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)

“No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

“For we walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7)

“Jesus said to him, ‘“If you can!” Everything is possible to one who has faith.’ Then the boy’s father cried out, ‘I do believe, help my unbelief!’”

 (Mark 9:23-24 )

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me.” (John 14:1)

Acquaintance, Date, Match: Lies or love?

So…let’s keep talking about love. How do we know when, and if, it is love that we are feeling? Many of us have thought that we were “in love” on more than a few occasions. We have been sure that “this time this is the one.” At least for us girls, it starts very early; we have strong feelings and can’t fight them. Like fools, all we do is think about the person who has stolen our hearts. And as soon as we are not around that person, we wonder when he will call. So we wait desperately next to the phone, dreaming of that last tender kiss. We go to bed dying of anticipation for the next school day, wondering if that special person will be there, hoping that at least we’ll get to say hi.

            In my opinion, “love” is no less “love” because it is in the heart of a young person; it can be as strong as, or even stronger than, the feelings we may experience when we grow older. We daydream in the same way while we listen to love songs or gaze into the sky on a starry night. We wish with the same intensity that it will last forever. We plan and dream about the same things, and then we suffer and hurt the same way when the relationship comes to an end.

             So how can we tell when love is for real? I think the answer to this question is not what is most important. Are you surprised? Maybe a bit confused? Let me explain. Love is real. Love is out there for every single one of us who believes in it. What will determine if we will find the love of our lives? What will determine if we will be happy and if one day we’ll be able to experience the great blessing of real love in our lives?

            When we feel in love, we should not be afraid; we should just let things flow. But there are a few rules we should follow if we want to have a better chance at finding true love. First, we must be real. No acting. No role playing. Do you know what I mean? Many times we try to give a certain impression, as if we are picking a character we are going to play in a movie. We decide what type of partner we want to be and what kind of relationship we want to have without being ourselves or allowing things to happen naturally.

            But if we force things in one way or another, if we pretend to be someone we are not, or if we act in some way that we normally wouldn’t, then we start out without truth. And when there is no truth, there is no chance for a good relationship. We have to start our relationships with as much honesty as we possibly can. We must be honest with our partner and with ourselves. In this way, we build the foundation of our relationship on rock.

            The second thing is to let things flow. Everything is perfect if we trust in God. Everything happens for the best when we allow things to develop naturally and we know in our hearts that we have been honest. So, if the relationship does not work out, even though we might be feeling immense pain, we can find the strength to let go. By trusting that things always happen for the best, we allow God to extend his loving hand to us. He wants us to find our soul mate. He wants us to find our calling in life. He wants us to be happy.

            So why don’t we all do this? There are many wrong reasons for why we may pick and/or hold on to the wrong person. Here are some of them:

Ø  We are lonely: We want to feel loved, special and cared for. We see couples everywhere; love is in the songs on the radio, at the movies and on the TV. We rush into a relationship because we are so tired of being alone. It seems as if we are the only one who has not been able to have a steady relationship. All of our friends seem to be married or have boyfriends/girlfriends. We feel there must be something wrong with us! Are we not lovable? We think of how our family loves us, but we think they have to because they are stuck with us. Sometimes even our family members don’t love us as they should. And so we want that special someone to come along. Someone who will sweep us off our feet. Someone who will love us because he thinks we are amazing. Someone who wants to spend every minute next to us. Someone who dreams with us. And we wonder if that is ever going to happen to us. Are we good enough, lucky enough? Millions of questions start to flood our minds, questions that cause fear and insecurity, questions that lead us to make wrong choices and big mistakes.

Ø  We feel that we are getting too old: We convince ourselves that time is running out. The funny thing about this is that it does not necessarily hit us at a particular age. We can get bitten by the “age bug lie” at any age. Once our brain believes it, that is enough. We easily fall for it and end up obsessed with the idea that by a particular age we should have found true love. If we fall for this lie, we run a very big risk of one of two things. The first one is that we can end up rushing things and settling for someone, without giving it too much thought. We are driven by the idea that we do not want to be single after a particular age, and we are terrified by the thought that we might end up alone. The second one is that we may end up in a depression because we have reached the deadline we set for ourselves and we are still alone. Last time I checked, there was no “Secret Book of Life” that tells us by what age we must be married or at what age we will find our soul mate. It is different for everyone. For each of us, it may happen at a completely different time in our lives. For some of us, it will happen in our teens, and we will marry our high school sweetheart. Others of us will experience it in our twenties, still others in our thirties, forties, fifties and so on. The important thing is not to rush and to enjoy our life as it is. Every day we live is a gift, and many things are one-time blessings, which means they will not happen twice in a lifetime. That is why, if we end up not enjoying a particular stage in our life, one day we will regret it when we realize how foolish we were and how little faith we had in ourselves and in love itself.

Ø  We want to get away from home: Depending on our cultural background, this may be a big incentive to rushing to find a partner. But this is not the right reason, and when we do something for the wrong reason, usually things end up going wrong. We might think that by getting out of our parents’ house we are going to be happy, but it might end up not being so. If our motivation for making a life with someone is to get out of the house, we will probably pick the wrong partner. And if we are with the wrong person, once we start sharing our life with that person, it will become clear that we have exchanged one bad situation for another, and at a big cost our happiness.

Ø  We lack self-confidence: It is very hard for our self-esteem not to be affected when everyone we know has a boyfriend or is married, everyone except us. This can be dangerous because it is in times like this that our minds can play tricks on us and convince us of many lies. We then start giving in and believing these lies, and in the end we might end up making a big mistake or becoming very unhappy. A partner does not make us a better, happier, prettier, wiser person. We make ourselves a better and happier person. Don’t count on anyone else to make you feel good about yourself. It is God who can change us and transform our lives from the inside out, through the power of prayer. A partner cannot do this for us, and in fact many times the wrong mate can greatly reduce our self-confidence. Let’s feel good about ourselves independent of other people. Let’s feel good about ourselves because we are God’s precious child, and because we are unique and God made only one of us. Only then will we feel good about ourselves next to someone else; otherwise, we set ourselves up for a miserable life.

Ø  We need some love and attention: We humans will do almost anything for attention and love. Actually, most of the things we do (good and bad) are in some way to get that love and attention we so much crave. But we need to focus on getting our love from the source of all love: God. God is love, and when we have invited God into our hearts, we have all the love we need. When our relationship with God is strong and it is His love that is feeding us, then we stop craving the attention of others. If we are not careful about this, we may end up accepting someone as a partner just to get love and attention. This can be a recipe for disaster. We might end up with a broken heart or end up breaking someone else’s heart. Neither option is good.

Ø  Our hormones are rushing us: Sometimes our hormones can really confuse us. We feel a rush of emotion and passion. We feel shaky and hot. We feel butterflies in our stomach. We feel so much emotion it shakes us from the inside out. But we need to be careful because we can feel these exact same feelings with a person who is completely wrong for us. Big passions do not equal big love. We have to try to sort things out with a cool head. Sometimes all we are feeling is a strong but temporary rush that will pass if we breathe deeply and give ourselves some time in order to think straight. Interpreting that rush as love can mean ending up with the wrong person. Be careful.

Ø   We feel pressure from our family: Sometimes, by trying to be a great help, our family members can end up becoming our worst problem. Consider and respect your family’s opinion and advice. But do not give in to pressure and do something that you will regret later on in your life.

Ø  We feel sorry for the other person: Sometimes someone can be very persistent. But we cannot accept someone as a partner only because we feel sorry for that person. How long do you think we can pretend? Such relationships don’t last, and it will be much worse when we can no longer keep pretending and things start falling apart. We should always be truthful with others and fair to ourselves. We must be kind, but we must be honest too. Love is an area where lies of any kind only bring heartache.

Ø  We get into a role, and we end up confused: Believing our own make-believe world, we might dive into a relationship that only exists in our imagination. We refuse to see the other person as he really is, and the situation as it really is. If we do this, one day we will wake up to a life that we do not want, with a person whom we do not love.

Ø  We are used to someone: Do you know what is worse than breaking off a long-term relationship and accepting that we have wasted many years of our life on the wrong person? What is worse is to not break up and waste our whole life. If we put off the inevitable, things will only get more and more complicated. Feelings will get stronger; marriage will happen; babies will come. We cannot allow “feeling comfortable” to steal our happiness. Love is the one area in life in which we must not settle for comfortable, for OK, for less risky, for less hassle. When it comes to love, we should not settle. We should seek true love with every bit of our soul.

Ø  We accept a partner for any other “wrong reason”: I could write a whole book about just this topic, but I think by now you should have gotten the point. In summary: If we believe in love, then love will be a reality for us. If we look for love, love will find us. If we are honest in regard to love, we will experience honesty in our relationships. Give love, and you will receive love! Trust in God and He will bless you with the love of your life.

Wisdom to contemplate:

“Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth.” (1 John 3:18)

“He tells the truth who states what he is sure of, but a lying witness speaks deceitfully.” (Proverbs 12:17)

“ Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ Anything more is from the evil one.” (Mathew 5:37)