Match this!: O Death, Where Is Your Sting?

When tragedies happen, when people we love die, we tend to wonder why God let it happen, especially if death seems unfair, untimely or just plain wrong. We hurt, our heart is overwhelmed with loneliness, and we long for the person who has died. We are sure that God must have made a mistake! Our emotions fluctuate madly, from sadness to anger, from rage to depression. We develop doubts about everything we hold dear, and we feel afraid. But, worst of all, we feel betrayed by God.

 In the book As I Lay Dying, Richard John Neuhaus talks about death and about grieving. He expresses many deep truths about this topic, but there are two statements that were specially striking to me: “There is a time simply to be present to death whether one’s own or that of others without any felt urgencies to do something about it or get over it. The time of mourning should be given its due.” and “This life is now coming to an end; this life never lived before and never to be lived again.”[1]

Grieving is something we all have to go through. The more we are aware of God’s love for us in our life and in our situation, the faster we will heal. Only God can and will bring healing to our heart. Only God will fill us with the peace we so badly need. Only God can surround us with His loving presence and help us from within.  All in His time.

            Dying is also something we all have to go through. Let’s think carefully about this fact: We all die. Yes, we are tired of hearing that, but think carefully. In one hundred years, almost every person currently on this earth will be gone everyone in Brazil, in Russia, in the USA. Even babies now in their mothers’ wombs, even they will most likely be dead in a hundred years. “How does this help me?” you may ask. “This does not help make things easier when someone I love dies.”

It may not help with the pain we feel, but it will help us not to fight with God. It will help us not to feel that He did something unfair or cruel. Once we understand that God did not do something cruel, but that death is simply something that we all have to go through because without death there is no life, then we can surrender our pain to Him. Then we can say, “Lord, I have no strength, and I feel as if I am drowning in my sorrow. Please help me. You are my everything, You love me, and I know You will help me out of this sorrow. Please make me whole once more. Please heal my heart.” This is the key that makes the difference between healing and moving on or drowning in our sorrow.

If we try to ponder these things in advance, then, when the time comes, we will be able to better bear the situation and remain afloat. When someone we love dies, the pain we feel is all about us we feel lonely, we miss that person, we have a hole in our lives. We ask questions. Will we survive the pain, or will we become the walking dead? Will we recover and become a blessing to others? Will we “finish our race”(2 Timothy 4;7), or will we be finished?

Jesus said that unless a grain of wheat dies, it will not flourish and grow into a brand new plant. (John 12:24) On earth, we are made brand new by God’s mercy but only if we are able to open up to His truth and surrender to His will. Only through death can we really flourish and be renewed to the fullness of the promise God gave us through His Son, Jesus.

Death not only brings new life to the person who goes to heaven, but many times death brings new life to the people who stay behind on earth. The death of someone we love makes us look deeply into our lives; it obliges us to reconsider the way we have been living up to that point. In the beginning, when we lose someone, we are overwhelmed by intense emotions: deep pain, immense emptiness and great sorrow. But this time is also a time of great grace. Happy the person who can say, “I kept faith, even when I said ‘I am greatly afflicted!’” (Psalm 116:10)

In times of great sorrow, we need to lean on those who are trying to reach out to us, trust those who are trying to console us and share their love with us. God is always reaching out to us through others. If we recognize our utter helplessness and extend our hand to hold the hand that is being extended to us, we will find comfort. In due time, we will find peace. And, little by little, we will heal and regain enough strength to carry on with our lives. Before we know it, we will be completely recovered, and we will be able to say: “Gracious is the LORD and just; yes, our God is merciful…Return, my soul, to your rest; the LORD has been good to you.

 For my soul has been freed from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. I shall walk before the LORD in the land of the living.” (Psalm 116:5,7-9)

            God is not unfair or unjust when someone dies. He simply has called home a beloved child. We all have a different time appointed for our death. In the Bible, God reminds us that “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21) How beautiful it is to know for sure that to die is gain. God is not being cruel when someone dies. All have died. All will die. We have to die, or else how could we come to Him? How could we enjoy the promises of heaven? The Bible also says: “All these died in faith...But now they desire a better homeland, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.” (Hebrews 11:13,16) We have a life to live, a mission to fulfill, and when our time is up, we have a home to go to.

Wisdom to contemplate:

“But the souls of the just are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them. They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead; and their passing away was thought an affliction, and their going forth from us, utter destruction. But they are in peace.”  

(Wisdom 3:1-3)

“But the just man, though he die early, shall be at rest. For the age that is honorable comes not with the passing of time, nor can it be measured in terms of years. Rather, understanding is the hoary crown for men, and an unsullied life, the attainment of old age. He who pleased God was loved; he who lived among sinners was transported—snatched away, lest wickedness pervert his mind or deceit beguile his soul.” (Wisdom 4:7-11)

Note:  If you like this chapter please leave me a comment or send me an email!  

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[1] Richard John Neuhaus, As I Lay Dying: Meditations on Returning (Basic Books, 2002), pp. 44, 30.

Fear of the Worst

       

     I am amazed at how many times painful situations can change our lives for the best. I believe it is important to “rejoice always” as the Bible says (Philippians 4:4) and always be grateful to God no matter what. To rejoice means to celebrate, to be glad, to be very pleased.

As we go through life, we sometimes face difficult situations, sad moments and challenging times moments in which what we experience is not what we would have chosen or what we had planned. For example, we can receive bad news, have to say goodbye to a friend or loved one, go through a separation, a divorce or be fired from a job. When these things happen, we find it hard to rejoice, and we might feel it is hard to be grateful to God. At these times, we need to remind ourselves of the importance of being always grateful and ask God to give us the grace to rejoice. As it says in Philippians, we need to “rejoice always”! Not sometimes. Not only when things happen as we wish. Not only when we are happy and we think the situation is fair. Not only when things go our way. No, it says “always.”

It also says “Have no anxiety at all.” (Philippians 4:6) This leaves room for zero anxiety, zero distress, zero sorrow, zero worry and zero fear. But we are humans, biological as well as spiritual creatures. Sometimes our heart aches, our emotions get the best of us, our brain does not understand why things have to change or why things have to be so hard. It is sometimes hard to rejoice or feel grateful. It is human to feel sad. So what are we to do? How can we rejoice always?

            In the Bible, we are advised to do three things: Be grateful, pray and think about the good!

Be grateful. The Bible says we should be “giving thanks always and for everything.” (Ephesians 5:20) Let’s be grateful to God every day, all the time, no matter what, especially when we are not in the mood or when we are weighed down with burdens. Let’s never say, “I can’t be grateful for this or for that.” We can feel grateful because in a bad situation we had the opportunity to learn a lesson or because within a bad situation things could always have been worse. In every situation, we can find something to be grateful for. For example, when someone we love leaves us, we can be grateful that we had the blessing of meeting that person and having had that person in our lives.

To feel grateful, we need to remember two things. First, we need to remember as St.  Francis said that “nothing is ours! Great wisdom will come to us as we meditate upon this thought until we become firmly convinced of it we own nothing. Everything has been entrusted to us for a limited time only.” The chance to share our love with others is a gift from God. Sometimes we get possessive and forget that nothing is ours and everything is God’s. If we have anything even for a limited time, it is thanks to His greatness, kindness and loving heart. It is a gift.

            We are blessed to have all the things we treasure in our lives, all our friends, our family, our children, our opportunities, our experiences, our health, our youth, our intelligence and our skills. But when the time comes to say goodbye, when time is up, we need to let go. We need to keep the good memories, learn whatever lesson the experience left behind, grieve what needs to be grieved and then find the courage to keep on going.

            When God calls for a change in our life and/or in the life of a friend or loved one, we need to be ready to lovingly say: “Yes!” Sometimes we can be like spoiled children, whose parents have taken them to Disneyland and who have a tantrum when the vacation is over and it is time to go home. Instead of saying thank you for all they have enjoyed there and appreciating how good and loving their parents were, these children have a tantrum because they want to stay longer. They disregard the precious gift their parents have given them, and they focus instead on what they can no longer have. Let’s not be like spoiled children. Let’s be loving, obedient children of our heavenly Father.

            The second thing we need to remember in order to feel grateful in every situation is to be humble. Humble means: meek, docile, calm, submissive, obedient, soft and gentle. It is the opposite of being proud and having a big ego. It is the opposite of “I want it my way,” “I don’t want it this way” and “I don’t like it that way.” We can be excited and full of joy at what lies ahead, but we must also be detached from everything and be ready to give it up if necessary. Let’s be meek and humble of heart, like Jesus (Matthew 11:29), so that we can let go when God calls us to let go.

Pray. In order to rejoice always, the second thing the Bible advises us to do is to “pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). In Philippians 4:6, we are called to pray “with thanksgiving.” If we are upset and ungrateful and complaining, then we are not praying with thanksgiving! Once we have a life of prayer, then we can be sure that “the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7) Even if we do not understand why, even if the situation is hard to accept, we must pray and try to rejoice, and then God’s peace will guard our hearts.

Think about good things. The Bible says: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8) We can manage our brain well and keep our emotions in check, but we need to want to do it, and we need to put effort into it. We must make a conscious choice to focus on all the good we have. We choose where we set your eyes, either on all that is good in our life or on all that is bad. If someone says, “There is nothing good I can think of right now,” we should remember that there is always God’s love to feel happy about. We should never say, “I cannot thank God for this” or “I have nothing to be grateful for.” Instead, as Mother Teresa advised, “we should make a commitment to see every experience, whether good or bad, happy or sad, as a magnificent opportunity to do something beautiful for God.” In the toughest moments we encounter, we give glory to God if we gather the strength to smile and trust and thank, even if that is all we can do.

Wisdom to contemplate:

“And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:14-15)

“No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)