Saturday, January 30, 2021

Like someone? Flirt with a purpose

In this rather messy world every now and then we meet someone special who grabs our interest.  We befriend them and we invest time and effort in the relationship.  As the relationship progresses we might  find ourselves having feelings for "our friend".  We might  try to ignore it, but feelings have a way of coming out.  And before we know it we are flirting.  

We give some subtle compliments, we let the person know they are somewhat special to us, we try to see them more often.  We don't call this liking.  We don't even allow ourselves to recognize it as liking in our brain, and we suppress what our heart already knows.  We like someone, but we are terrified to acknowledge our feelings.  

Why do we do this? Sometimes we want to let somebody know we like them, but  we simply lack nerve.  Afraid? You  might ask. Afraid of what?  Well, afraid of:  of rejection, of your friends finding out and making fun of you, afraid of the next step, afraid of your parents reaction to your first crush and the list goes on.  Yup, sometimes we are just cowards.  

Sometimes we lack clarity, true, and we really don't  know what is the next step.  But sometimes, the problem is worse, let's be honest sometimes we don't want clarity.  Why?  Because with clarity comes decision making, and decision making is hard business. But we can't forget the other person is a real human being.  Yes, shocking huh?  A real human with feelings, and they deserve honesty and clarity.  You deserve to be honest and clear both to the other person and to yourself.    Just because we refuse to acknowledge  we are flirting, and we call it something else, it does not mean we are being truthful.  We can't have our own definitions for words.  If you call someone a pet name, if you ask them to do something special, if you ask them if they like you etc - newsflash you are flirting.  Just because we refuse to recognize our feelings it does not mean they are not there.

So what can we do? 

Well, stringing people along is not fair, and should never be one of our options.  First people have feelings,  it's unfair and just plain wrong to play with their feelings.  And second, because it eventually can all  blow up on our faces.  We can end up losing that person that was most important to us and that cared most for us.  We all have feelings, we can't be so self involved that we ignore the fact that we might be hurting someone that does not deserve it. 

If we do nothing at all we might miss out on the best thing we had going for us. Often the best things in life are for those who have courage, for humans who are ready to face their fears and insecurities, and take that next step.  

  • Guys you need to ask girls on dates! That makes your intentions clear to the girl and yes to your own brain!  
  •  Girls don't flirt just to have one more guy in the list of people who like you, that is just vain and cruel.  
  • If you are not interested in dating for whatever reason, well say it from the get-go.
  • If you have not made up your mind and like more than one human, well then don't act like you are smitten by someone and make them believe that you are into them.  

The problem is not to not be sure, no, that is not the problem people!  The problem is, to not be sure, but act as if you are sure.  Look if you are looking for someone special don't play with people's feelings.  People don't like being played with and they will erase you.  One day you  might just realize that you lost the best thing you had going for you!

Flirt but flirt with a purpose.  

Date but date with a purpose. 

Fall in love but don't fall in love by accident.  

You deserve better and so does she/he!

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