Love so Tender - Love Bombing?

                                                       Love Bomb?  Be Strong!

Go Slow — A Word of Warning About Love Bombing

When I was 15 years old, there was a guy who liked me—a lot. He was not a good choice for me, and deep down, I knew it. But this guy—let’s call him Dan—was relentless. He pursued me intensely.

One day, he parked his car in front of my house, blasted a trendy song, and started dancing while facing my bedroom window. He pressed both hands to his heart and then pointed at my room. Other times, he would show up with gifts—and I mean a whole Bloomingdale’s bag full of perfume, swimsuits, and more. He wrote love letters and declared his love for me daily.

To anyone watching, it probably looked like he was madly in love. But in between these displays of “true love,” he would flirt with other girls—and I mean flirt hard. Sometimes, he even put me down. He’d say things like, “You chew gum like a cow,” or that I had “lizard lips” and needed filler, or that I was “too pale” and should get a tan.

At the time, I didn’t know anything about narcissism. I was kind of smitten—he was rich, handsome, and gave me so much attention. But looking back now, it’s clear: he was a narcissist (there’s more to the story, trust me), and I had fallen for his love bombing.

Now that I’m a mom, I wish I could say it’s gotten easier to spot a love bomber. But the truth is, it hasn’t. When someone—whether a guy or a girl—comes on strong with attention, words of affirmation, and extravagant gifts, it’s incredibly hard to resist.

But resist we must.

We need to take relationships slow. We need time to truly get to know people—their intentions, their character. My parents used to say that in the first year of dating, it’s wise not to accept major gifts—only small things like chocolates, flowers, or a stuffed animal. Even after a year, they advised against accepting anything expensive, like jewelry or a trip. They believed (and they were right!) that big gifts create complicated emotional ties. You feel obligated. You feel like you owe something.

And that’s a fair point, don’t you think?

So here’s the truth:

When you like someone or are starting a new relationship—go slow.

When in doubt—go slow.

When you see a red flag—go even slower.

Time is the great revealer of a person’s true intentions. Anyone can say beautiful things—just ask ChatGPT (and honestly, Chat is pretty amazing). And anyone—especially someone wealthy—can buy expensive things to impress.

But in the end, it’s not the gifts or the sweet words that matter most.

It’s the actions.

Actions speak louder than gifts and words.

Come on—you can do this.
Be strong.
And know that I’m praying for all of you.

I love my readers! 

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Dating and Hygiene - Please come clean !

Dates, Dating, Crushes and More...

Well, well, well so you like someone huh?  Great!  Liking someone is so much fun!  Now if you like someone and you think you would like to one day date them? Well, there is something we need to discuss.  I have met amazing people.  I have met great people in the church, great people at my daughter's University, great friends of my kids etc.  Now sometimes someone we know has a great personality, they are even quite cute, and they are interesting BUT they wonder why they are not getting that girl or guy they have a crush on.

I sit and I ponder.  Should I tell them why?

It is hard.  It is hard to be honest with someone.  But often times it is necessary to be honest with someone you care about.  I think, I ponder and then I decide to stay quiet.  But the person suffers, they are clueless, they don't understand why they are "so unlucky" when it comes to love.  Well, since I don't have the guts to tell them face to face, and since it has happened dozens and dozens of times - I decided to write about it.  I hope this post while short and to the point will help thousands of humans, here we go.

Simple concept:

No matter how cute you are, how nicely you dress, how rich you are, how smart you are, how funny, what great eyes you have...well no hygiene no luck in dating.

Here is the list:

Clean teeth is not optional.  No gunk, and no bad breath.  And no people that is not too much to ask!  If you ate a pizza and part of the crust stuck to your front teeth and you know it and can see it, TRUST me everybody can see it, and it's not good.  Here, let me put it bluntly: it is disgusting.  But, you say, I didn't have my toothbrush.  Well, I say, carry it with you.  You can excuse yourself and quickly go to the bathroom and have a little brushing.  But having said that, mouth hygiene is cumulative.  You can not expect to never take care of your teeth and then the day you want them clean, you think they magically will be sparkling.  Care for your mouth and oral hygiene.  I am not talking the colour of the teeth.  Different people have different colours, because of different reasons, that is fine.  I know people with yellowish teeth that do not have one cavity and whose teeth are the cleanest I know.  I know people with white teeth that have gunk on them constantly and that would make someone run.  Each day, after each meal:  brush your teeth.  It is that simple.  Once a day, maybe at night, floss your teeth - it's important.  

Baths/Showers are not optional.  Take a shower every day - period.  If you think you stink - you stink!  If you stink don't expect people to want to date you.  Stench is disgusting and it says a lot about who we are.  If we can not take care of ourselves well enough to take a simple shower and stay clean, then how can we take care of anything else?  Men are looking for women that can be good moms one day.  Women are looking for men that would make good partners and fathers one day.  If you can not take care of the most basic thing in your life, keeping yourself clean, then how do you think you come across?  And it is unpleasant, and keep in mind stench in the body comes from bacteria.  Either your arm pits, your butt, or your personal parts are sweaty or worse, and full of bacteria - SHOWER!  Shower and use soap.  Soap up the armpits, the butt, and all important parts.  Nothing stays without soap.  Rub and scrub and then rinse it off.  5 minutes that is all it takes for a new you.  

Ear wax yuk!:  Every few days you need to clean your ears.  Some people use cotton swabs, some people hate them.  If you hate cotton swabs, take a small towel and wash your ear with it.  Gently massage the nooks and crannies of it. Whatever you do, please do something because the ears collect wax and eventually the wax overflows.  There is nothing more gross than to look at someone and when they turn to the side, you see white/yellowy wax gunk on the ear.  It is an instant turn off, and instant: NO!  An instant: RUN!  

 Please wash your hair at least every three days.  The head can stink and there is nothing worse than a stinky head.  Also hair gets greasy and it looks disgusting.  If you have dandruff, buy "Head and Shoulders" or put coconut oil or find a solution.  Dandruff is an instant put off.  Cut your hair every so often and keep it tidy.  Nobody likes a slob!  There I said it, someone had to!

Clean clothes.  You can not expect to never wash your clothes and for them to smell good.  You need to understand if your clothes smell bad, YOU smell bad too.  Clothes absorb food smells and our bad smells AKA sweat.  Please use a T-Shirt no more than two days, one if you stink it up. Pants no more than four days. Here is a great concept:  change your underwear every day  General rule: If you think your clothes stink, everyone can smell them too!  Oh yes!  And do not let your clothes sit wet for long periods, that makes them stink terribly.  If you forget your clothes in the washer for more than six hours, or when you sniff them they smell, you have to wash them again.

Clothes General.  You can't look like a slob.  If you want to be attractive try at least a little bit.  There is a fairly good looking guy at my daughter's University but he uses thin sweat pants that look like Pyjamas and you can almost see his private parts, no good.  Look a clean pair of jeans and a nice T Shirt goes a long way.  You don't have to spend millions in clothes just don't be a slob.Your shoes/feet should not stink, here is a general rule if you can smell them - everyone can smell them too.  

Try to avid stinky food.  I don't care how much you like it !  Stinky food gives you bad breath and it stinks up your clothes including your jacket in the winter.  Avoid stinky food.

Check yourself.  Not everyone has time to shower every day.  But you need to wake up early enough to have time to check yourself.  Smell yourself, if you think you stink, you stink!  Use baby wet wipes and deodorant or wet a towel and rub.  Whatever you need to do, but take care of it.  Also look in the mirror. Look carefully at your eyes, make sure there are no eye gunk, or any crust.  Even better, maybe you do not shower every morning, BUT you should wash your face every morning and every night before bed.  If you do that you should be pretty ok with your face issues.  Check your teeth after you eat out, simply excuse yourself and go to the bath room and swish with water and take a look.  If they look clean you are good to go.

Face full of pimples.  Look pimples are a pain in the neck, I get it.  And some pimples we can not avoid.  But I am here to tell you that there are many pimples that we can avoid.  If I have ten pimples but could have only three - why then chose to have ten!  It makes no sense.  So here are some tips, wisdom the ages.  Do theses things and your life will improve when it comes to pimples.  Wash your face every morning after waking up, and every night before going to bed.  JUST DO IT!  I am trying to help you here, so no discussions, say I am your borrowed advisor/friend.  Also pay attention when you got that nasty pimple, what did you eat that was out of the usual?  I am gonna tell you some things that 100% give nasty pimples from my experience:  Costco pastries, including muffins and chocolate chip cookies.  Cheap pastries in general.  Cheap Chocolate specially Cadburys, I only eat Lyndt and I am very careful.  Certain cheeses, you have to be like a hawk and notice and immediately stop eating the cheese that you guess is the problem.  Cheap greasy products, use Olive Oil and butter and Coconut Oil only.

Remedies:  If you get pimples.  Wash your face.  Use a good quality coconut oil at night.  Yes you apply it to your face, yes it heals and does not give pimples.  Also you can use a dash of Tea Tree Oil mixed with the coconut oil in stubborn pimples.  And do not mess with your pimples, not unless they are white and ready to pop, then you gently press them, hopefully not with your nails.

If you want to go an extra mile, pick a nice perfume or cologne, don't use too much of it, just a tad, and go out smelling like heaven.  If you don't have money for cologne , no problem.  Clean is always the best smell in the world! 

Well, these are some tips for you.  Change these things and I am pretty sure: your dating life will improve. 

 Remember we can not always blame the world, change needs to start with us!

OBVIOUSLY:  This is to let you know that I am not a doctor or a psychologist etc and my advise is only based on my life experience.  My advise is given as a friend would give it to a friend.  Simply my opinion.

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Like someone? Flirt with a purpose

In this rather messy world every now and then we meet someone special who grabs our interest.  We befriend them and we invest time and effort in the relationship.  As the relationship progresses we might  find ourselves having feelings for "our friend".  We might  try to ignore it, but feelings have a way of coming out.  And before we know it we are flirting.  

We give some subtle compliments, we let the person know they are somewhat special to us, we try to see them more often.  We don't call this liking.  We don't even allow ourselves to recognize it as liking in our brain, and we suppress what our heart already knows.  We like someone, but we are terrified to acknowledge our feelings.  

Why do we do this? Sometimes we want to let somebody know we like them, but  we simply lack nerve.  Afraid? You  might ask. Afraid of what?  Well, afraid of:  of rejection, of your friends finding out and making fun of you, afraid of the next step, afraid of your parents reaction to your first crush and the list goes on.  Yup, sometimes we are just cowards.  

Sometimes we lack clarity, true, and we really don't  know what is the next step.  But sometimes, the problem is worse, let's be honest sometimes we don't want clarity.  Why?  Because with clarity comes decision making, and decision making is hard business. But we can't forget the other person is a real human being.  Yes, shocking huh?  A real human with feelings, and they deserve honesty and clarity.  You deserve to be honest and clear both to the other person and to yourself.    Just because we refuse to acknowledge  we are flirting, and we call it something else, it does not mean we are being truthful.  We can't have our own definitions for words.  If you call someone a pet name, if you ask them to do something special, if you ask them if they like you etc - newsflash you are flirting.  Just because we refuse to recognize our feelings it does not mean they are not there.

So what can we do? 

Well, stringing people along is not fair, and should never be one of our options.  First people have feelings,  it's unfair and just plain wrong to play with their feelings.  And second, because it eventually can all  blow up on our faces.  We can end up losing that person that was most important to us and that cared most for us.  We all have feelings, we can't be so self involved that we ignore the fact that we might be hurting someone that does not deserve it. 

If we do nothing at all we might miss out on the best thing we had going for us. Often the best things in life are for those who have courage, for humans who are ready to face their fears and insecurities, and take that next step.  

• Guys you need to ask girls on dates! That makes your intentions clear to the girl and yes to your own brain!  
•  Girls don't flirt just to have one more guy in the list of people who like you, that is just vain and cruel.  
• If you are not interested in dating for whatever reason, well say it from the get-go.
• If you have not made up your mind and like more than one human, well then don't act like you are smitten by someone and make them believe that you are into them.  

The problem is not to not be sure, no, that is not the problem people!  The problem is, to not be sure, but act as if you are sure.  Look if you are looking for someone special don't play with people's feelings.  People don't like being played with and they will erase you.  One day you  might just realize that you lost the best thing you had going for you!

Flirt but flirt with a purpose.  

Date but date with a purpose. 

Fall in love but don't fall in love by accident.  

You deserve better and so does she/he!

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Love Story? - Am I a crush or a friend?

Clarity Please 

Navigating the waters of liking someone is not easy in the year 2021, and it won't get any easier in the future.  So what can one do?  Well for one, we can try our best to not be part of the problem.  

Do on to others as you would like them to do to you!   Does that age old Bible wisdom ring a bell?  When we deal with people and their feelings we need to be very careful.  It is easy to feel important and get lost in the excitement of the moment.  But we can not lose sight of the fact that it is a person we are dealing with.  Stringing a guy/girl along is not only unkind it is cruel.

If we hate the way others are behaving towards us, we need to start changing the world by having the courage to be the ones to act different.  When someone shows interest or affection for you, cherish them.  It is not every day that someone gets to experience the love or admiration from someone else. Don't be confusing, don't send wrong signals, don't lie with your words or with your body.  Look manipulating people is unkind and simply wrong.  We need to clarify our feelings and intentions when someone shows interest in us from the get go!

If you show affection in any way, if you flirt, if you give hope and then pretend you never did - that is cruel.  I know that if you are reading this you are probably someone who would not purposely be cruel to anyone.  But sometimes we end up getting carried away and acting in an unkind way towards others unintentionally. So we need to pay attention, and live more intentional lives.  

Manipulating people is unkind and simply wrong. If you have someone that is showing you interest or affection:

❤    Be clear and honest from the beginning

❤    Do  not give them false signals, or false hope 

❤    Don't act to your friends as if you have never been interested, specially if it's not true 

❤    Don't talk about the person as if they are dying for you and use them to gain admiration 

❤    Be  a gentleman/ kind woman and do not use others as props to get attention for yourself

❤    Don't lie to yourself, you might miss out in the best thing that ever happened to you.  

       

In summary  look:  if you do have feelings, don't be an idiot lol.  If you don't have feelings don't be a liar.  Please keep this in mind, hearts are fragile and one day it will be your turn.  Be kind, be fair, be extraordinary. 

 Certainly todays times are calling for more extraordinary humans. 

Will you commit to being one?

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls