Love so Tender - Love Bombing?

                                                       Love Bomb?  Be Strong!

Go Slow — A Word of Warning About Love Bombing

When I was 15 years old, there was a guy who liked me—a lot. He was not a good choice for me, and deep down, I knew it. But this guy—let’s call him Dan—was relentless. He pursued me intensely.

One day, he parked his car in front of my house, blasted a trendy song, and started dancing while facing my bedroom window. He pressed both hands to his heart and then pointed at my room. Other times, he would show up with gifts—and I mean a whole Bloomingdale’s bag full of perfume, swimsuits, and more. He wrote love letters and declared his love for me daily.

To anyone watching, it probably looked like he was madly in love. But in between these displays of “true love,” he would flirt with other girls—and I mean flirt hard. Sometimes, he even put me down. He’d say things like, “You chew gum like a cow,” or that I had “lizard lips” and needed filler, or that I was “too pale” and should get a tan.

At the time, I didn’t know anything about narcissism. I was kind of smitten—he was rich, handsome, and gave me so much attention. But looking back now, it’s clear: he was a narcissist (there’s more to the story, trust me), and I had fallen for his love bombing.

Now that I’m a mom, I wish I could say it’s gotten easier to spot a love bomber. But the truth is, it hasn’t. When someone—whether a guy or a girl—comes on strong with attention, words of affirmation, and extravagant gifts, it’s incredibly hard to resist.

But resist we must.

We need to take relationships slow. We need time to truly get to know people—their intentions, their character. My parents used to say that in the first year of dating, it’s wise not to accept major gifts—only small things like chocolates, flowers, or a stuffed animal. Even after a year, they advised against accepting anything expensive, like jewelry or a trip. They believed (and they were right!) that big gifts create complicated emotional ties. You feel obligated. You feel like you owe something.

And that’s a fair point, don’t you think?

So here’s the truth:

When you like someone or are starting a new relationship—go slow.

When in doubt—go slow.

When you see a red flag—go even slower.

Time is the great revealer of a person’s true intentions. Anyone can say beautiful things—just ask ChatGPT (and honestly, Chat is pretty amazing). And anyone—especially someone wealthy—can buy expensive things to impress.

But in the end, it’s not the gifts or the sweet words that matter most.

It’s the actions.

Actions speak louder than gifts and words.

Come on—you can do this.
Be strong.
And know that I’m praying for all of you.

I love my readers! 

Mental Prison? If you have a narcissist in your life, just let them!

What to Do When the Narcissist’s Mask Comes Off

So, how do narcissistic people mess with our minds? The answer is simple: in so many ways, they leave our heads spinning. And honestly, it would be funny if it wasn’t so heart-crushing. A narcissist will gaslight us, lie, manipulate, dismiss us, minimize our feelings, break our hearts, and more. It can be frustrating, exhausting, and just downright maddening to have a narcissist in our lives.

Now, you may be wondering, what exactly do I mean when I say "narcissist"? Well, let’s break it down:

Narcissistic People:

• Always looking for ways to create an advantage for themselves in any situation (it's all about them, after all).
• Lack empathy (their motto: Who cares about your feelings?).
• Live in a world of grandiosity and egocentricity—they’re always the star of the show.
• Selfish to the core (don’t expect them to share the spotlight).
• The “Grandiose Narcissist” parent is always desperate to be liked and will go to great lengths to make sure they are adored.
• Master of deflection—it’s never their fault, always someone else’s.
• Validation-seeking (they need constant praise, like always).
• Arrogant, thinking they know more than experts in any field.
• Constantly criticize others while invalidating or minimizing your accomplishments.
• Generous... as long as it makes them look good (it’s about them again, isn’t it?).
• A know-it-all (if you don’t know something, they’ll be happy to tell you why they’re right).
• Even with many perks, they’ll constantly feel they aren’t getting the recognition they “deserve”.
• Not very grateful—they’re entitled to everything done for them.
• Occasionally shames or insults their own child (nothing says love like a passive-aggressive comment, right?).
• Dismissive of other people’s efforts (nothing you do is ever good enough).
• Never satisfied or content with anything—this manifests as constant criticism, complaining, anger, frustration, and contempt. It’s like living in a storm cloud, and guess who’s always the lightning rod?
• Always sees themselves as better—they’re the king or queen, and the rest of us are just... peons.
• The grandiose narcissist might even tell you to your face that you’re stupid and that they know everything. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how they roll.
• They’re judgmental, critical, and argumentative (a never-ending debate, with them always winning, of course).
• Insecurity is at their core—don’t let their bravado fool you.
• Chronic dissatisfaction, especially at work—there's always someone or something to blame.
• As parents, they flip-flop between competing with their child and seeing them as an extension of themselves (so if your success makes them look good, they won’t correct you... but if you embarrass them, watch out).

The Narcissist in a Nutshell:

• They deflect responsibility, shift blame, and triangulate (pitting people against each other).
• They love to devalue—criticizing you and making you feel less than. And let’s not forget, they always have to look good in everyone else’s eyes.
• They compare themselves to others, and no, they’re never satisfied with what they have.
• Special occasions? Not unless it’s on their terms (and, of course, if it makes them look amazing).
• No kindness. No empathy. No respect. No accountability. They would have to acknowledge they have flaws to do that—and we all know that’s not happening.

Some people describe narcissists as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. Funny thing is, they often have a lot of self-control. They can be charming, extroverted, and interesting—or introverted and vulnerable. Either way, they make you want to dive into their lives, thinking you can "save" them. But here's the kicker—you don’t see their true face until it’s too late. Many people are already deep into a friendship or relationship with a narcissist before their mask falls, and we finally see them for who they really are.  

So, Is It Easy to Deal with a Narcissist?

Nope, not at all. But sometimes, either we’re in too deep, or they might even be someone in our family. So what’s left? Damage control. The narcissist is like in a mental prison.  They have lied to themselves so long, they do not know how to stop.  Sometimes they just don't want to stop, period.  

And the worse part is that when the mask comes off, it's not like we can confront them, we actually shouldn't.  So what do we do?  Well, when the mask comes off, let them.  Let them try to fool us, try to get away with their schemes, manipulation, and tactics. Let them double down.  Let them continue to gas light.  Just let them.  Arguing won't change them, logic won't touch them, appeals for empathy won't make a difference.  

When the mask comes off, just let them.  Let them say whatever and then try to walk away.  Then pray, pray hard for yourself and for them.  And remember, as Christians, we are called to love, even our enemies. That doesn’t always mean we have to stay in close contact with them, though. Sometimes, it means we need to cut them off and pray from a distance. Other times, it means learning to live with them, picking our battles wisely, and knowing when to walk away from a fight or discussion.

In the next post, I’ll dive into strategies for managing a narcissist without losing yourself in the process.

To believe or not to believe - choosing our companion...

 When it comes to believing...

When it comes to believing, trust your eyes, and trust your gut.  So what do I mean by trust your eyes? Well for example you are starting to date a guy, and you are wondering if he is a good choice for you.  You are seeing some red flags, and boy they are not good.  But every time you think about it, you remember things he has said and you want to dismiss the red flag.  

You don't want to over think, you do not want to judge.  You want to give the benefit of the doubt.  You do not want to make him sad, and you do not want to look paranoid.  So, what do you do?  You rationalize, you excuse and you find all the reasons why the "red flag"  is not really a "red flag".  

Or, you decide to bring it up and give him a chance to explain, a chance to apologize etc.  What is wrong with that?  He or she seems to always have a rational explanation, an apology, they plead for one more chance, and you comply.  Is that a wise thing to do you might wonder...is that the best choice of action?

Look: it is easier to finish a relationship that is not right for you - while it is in the early stages.  

Yes, the sooner the better.  There is less attachment, less pain, less drama, less complication.  when it comes to relationships, being a boyfriend, a guy you are starting to date or a friend - trust your eyes!  Your eyes don't lie.  

If you see "red flags"  if you experience bad treatment, if the person acts as if they don't care, if they are no where to be found when you need them, if they don't listen, if they are into themselves, if they fail you time and time again.  Trust your experience with them and not your ears! By that, what I mean is: 

Do not trust the words they speak, believe your eyes.  Look carefully at their actions.

Yes, it's true they might apologize, and they may very well be sorry.   They truly might feel bad when they are talking to you.  But that does not make a difference.  It doesn't really matter,  the fact is, you want to find out if they are the right person for you.   And while an apology is nice and necessary, the fact might remain that that person might have shown enough evidence that they are not good for you!

People can be sorry, and yet they can still hurt us.  People can be sorry, and yet continue their bad behaviour, they might continue to do it again and again.  

It is your job to protect yourself.  It is your job to actively pursue your happiness.  You can forgive, but that doesn't mean that you should continue in the relationship.  You can forgive but you should not forget.  If we do not learn the lessons that life is teaching us, well we will continue to suffer.  And that seems hopeless.  And we need hope in our lives.  We need to fight hard so we do not end up in a hopeless situation.

Sometimes, we can forgive, but with gentleness and calmness we can still chose to end a relationship.  Not because we don't wish the other person well.  Not as revenge, not in anger.  Simply because we recognize that moving on is the best thing for both people.

Take a big breath, think, pray, and then make your decision.  

Remember :

Choose your hard.

Breaking up is hard, but staying with the wrong person is unthinkable!  

You can do this!  I believe in you!  and yes I will be praying for you !  

Dating and Hygiene - Please come clean !

Dates, Dating, Crushes and More...

Well, well, well so you like someone huh?  Great!  Liking someone is so much fun!  Now if you like someone and you think you would like to one day date them? Well, there is something we need to discuss.  I have met amazing people.  I have met great people in the church, great people at my daughter's University, great friends of my kids etc.  Now sometimes someone we know has a great personality, they are even quite cute, and they are interesting BUT they wonder why they are not getting that girl or guy they have a crush on.

I sit and I ponder.  Should I tell them why?

It is hard.  It is hard to be honest with someone.  But often times it is necessary to be honest with someone you care about.  I think, I ponder and then I decide to stay quiet.  But the person suffers, they are clueless, they don't understand why they are "so unlucky" when it comes to love.  Well, since I don't have the guts to tell them face to face, and since it has happened dozens and dozens of times - I decided to write about it.  I hope this post while short and to the point will help thousands of humans, here we go.

Simple concept:

No matter how cute you are, how nicely you dress, how rich you are, how smart you are, how funny, what great eyes you have...well no hygiene no luck in dating.

Here is the list:

Clean teeth is not optional.  No gunk, and no bad breath.  And no people that is not too much to ask!  If you ate a pizza and part of the crust stuck to your front teeth and you know it and can see it, TRUST me everybody can see it, and it's not good.  Here, let me put it bluntly: it is disgusting.  But, you say, I didn't have my toothbrush.  Well, I say, carry it with you.  You can excuse yourself and quickly go to the bathroom and have a little brushing.  But having said that, mouth hygiene is cumulative.  You can not expect to never take care of your teeth and then the day you want them clean, you think they magically will be sparkling.  Care for your mouth and oral hygiene.  I am not talking the colour of the teeth.  Different people have different colours, because of different reasons, that is fine.  I know people with yellowish teeth that do not have one cavity and whose teeth are the cleanest I know.  I know people with white teeth that have gunk on them constantly and that would make someone run.  Each day, after each meal:  brush your teeth.  It is that simple.  Once a day, maybe at night, floss your teeth - it's important.  

Baths/Showers are not optional.  Take a shower every day - period.  If you think you stink - you stink!  If you stink don't expect people to want to date you.  Stench is disgusting and it says a lot about who we are.  If we can not take care of ourselves well enough to take a simple shower and stay clean, then how can we take care of anything else?  Men are looking for women that can be good moms one day.  Women are looking for men that would make good partners and fathers one day.  If you can not take care of the most basic thing in your life, keeping yourself clean, then how do you think you come across?  And it is unpleasant, and keep in mind stench in the body comes from bacteria.  Either your arm pits, your butt, or your personal parts are sweaty or worse, and full of bacteria - SHOWER!  Shower and use soap.  Soap up the armpits, the butt, and all important parts.  Nothing stays without soap.  Rub and scrub and then rinse it off.  5 minutes that is all it takes for a new you.  

Ear wax yuk!:  Every few days you need to clean your ears.  Some people use cotton swabs, some people hate them.  If you hate cotton swabs, take a small towel and wash your ear with it.  Gently massage the nooks and crannies of it. Whatever you do, please do something because the ears collect wax and eventually the wax overflows.  There is nothing more gross than to look at someone and when they turn to the side, you see white/yellowy wax gunk on the ear.  It is an instant turn off, and instant: NO!  An instant: RUN!  

 Please wash your hair at least every three days.  The head can stink and there is nothing worse than a stinky head.  Also hair gets greasy and it looks disgusting.  If you have dandruff, buy "Head and Shoulders" or put coconut oil or find a solution.  Dandruff is an instant put off.  Cut your hair every so often and keep it tidy.  Nobody likes a slob!  There I said it, someone had to!

Clean clothes.  You can not expect to never wash your clothes and for them to smell good.  You need to understand if your clothes smell bad, YOU smell bad too.  Clothes absorb food smells and our bad smells AKA sweat.  Please use a T-Shirt no more than two days, one if you stink it up. Pants no more than four days. Here is a great concept:  change your underwear every day  General rule: If you think your clothes stink, everyone can smell them too!  Oh yes!  And do not let your clothes sit wet for long periods, that makes them stink terribly.  If you forget your clothes in the washer for more than six hours, or when you sniff them they smell, you have to wash them again.

Clothes General.  You can't look like a slob.  If you want to be attractive try at least a little bit.  There is a fairly good looking guy at my daughter's University but he uses thin sweat pants that look like Pyjamas and you can almost see his private parts, no good.  Look a clean pair of jeans and a nice T Shirt goes a long way.  You don't have to spend millions in clothes just don't be a slob.Your shoes/feet should not stink, here is a general rule if you can smell them - everyone can smell them too.  

Try to avid stinky food.  I don't care how much you like it !  Stinky food gives you bad breath and it stinks up your clothes including your jacket in the winter.  Avoid stinky food.

Check yourself.  Not everyone has time to shower every day.  But you need to wake up early enough to have time to check yourself.  Smell yourself, if you think you stink, you stink!  Use baby wet wipes and deodorant or wet a towel and rub.  Whatever you need to do, but take care of it.  Also look in the mirror. Look carefully at your eyes, make sure there are no eye gunk, or any crust.  Even better, maybe you do not shower every morning, BUT you should wash your face every morning and every night before bed.  If you do that you should be pretty ok with your face issues.  Check your teeth after you eat out, simply excuse yourself and go to the bath room and swish with water and take a look.  If they look clean you are good to go.

Face full of pimples.  Look pimples are a pain in the neck, I get it.  And some pimples we can not avoid.  But I am here to tell you that there are many pimples that we can avoid.  If I have ten pimples but could have only three - why then chose to have ten!  It makes no sense.  So here are some tips, wisdom the ages.  Do theses things and your life will improve when it comes to pimples.  Wash your face every morning after waking up, and every night before going to bed.  JUST DO IT!  I am trying to help you here, so no discussions, say I am your borrowed advisor/friend.  Also pay attention when you got that nasty pimple, what did you eat that was out of the usual?  I am gonna tell you some things that 100% give nasty pimples from my experience:  Costco pastries, including muffins and chocolate chip cookies.  Cheap pastries in general.  Cheap Chocolate specially Cadburys, I only eat Lyndt and I am very careful.  Certain cheeses, you have to be like a hawk and notice and immediately stop eating the cheese that you guess is the problem.  Cheap greasy products, use Olive Oil and butter and Coconut Oil only.

Remedies:  If you get pimples.  Wash your face.  Use a good quality coconut oil at night.  Yes you apply it to your face, yes it heals and does not give pimples.  Also you can use a dash of Tea Tree Oil mixed with the coconut oil in stubborn pimples.  And do not mess with your pimples, not unless they are white and ready to pop, then you gently press them, hopefully not with your nails.

If you want to go an extra mile, pick a nice perfume or cologne, don't use too much of it, just a tad, and go out smelling like heaven.  If you don't have money for cologne , no problem.  Clean is always the best smell in the world! 

Well, these are some tips for you.  Change these things and I am pretty sure: your dating life will improve. 

 Remember we can not always blame the world, change needs to start with us!

OBVIOUSLY:  This is to let you know that I am not a doctor or a psychologist etc and my advise is only based on my life experience.  My advise is given as a friend would give it to a friend.  Simply my opinion.

Advent - Time of Hope

Almost Christmas...but not yet!  Oh yeah it's called Advent.  

This year has been tough, and is actually an understatement.  Not that the ones before were easy - Covid, the beginning of the conflict in the Middle East, Israel, Gaza, Ukraine, Russia.   Remember? Who can forget, my head is spinning.  But we are not here to talk about Covid, or the beginning of those horrible conflicts that are going on around the world.  We are here to talk about 2024, and how to feel joy regardless of what is going on in your city, your country, the world.  

There is uncertainty and fear for many.  There are horrible situations that you might be going through.  How in the world can we be expected to feel joy?

Well God tells us, in Phillipians 4:8,  that: "in every situation...whatever is:

• True
• Good
• Holy
• Honorable
• Just
• Lovely
• Commendable
• If there is any excellence
• Anything worthy of praise

Think about these things !"

So yes there are terrible things some people are going through - that is a fact.  But if we have to go through something, and there is nothing we can do about it, at least we can mitigate the hardships and the evil we encounter, and we can draw some good and get enough strength and healing to go through it.  

We can always receive grace, we can always receive healing, God always wants to comfort us and draw us close to His Heart.  All we need to do is our part.  So go ahead and think about that list, don't let anyone or anything steal your free will.  There must be something you can think of, something you can hold on to, something you can chose to think about - other than whatever evil is surrounding you. 

 God is ready!  Ready to hold us in His arms, we just have to let Him!  

All we need to do is to use the power of our will.  Control our minds and  not let ourselves sink into the depths of depression. self pity and despair - that will not help.  That will make things worse, it will change us, consume us, finish us!  

Do not let your circumstances take the best of you! 

Rise above, by asking Jesus Christ to come to your aid.  

Even if all you have is a tiny bit of strength use it for the prayer :  Jesus Help me!

He will come right away. 

God promises that when we do our part "and the God of peace will guard our hearts and minds"  He will come to our aid.  He alone knows what we need most.  He will surround us with protection, strength and peace.  

This Advent there is a lot we can do, no matter what our circumstances.  Why?  Because we have the power to pray and God is on our side.  We have the power to offer up our hardships for a greater good to come out of them.  And we have the power to hope in Him who is our Saviour.  He will come, He will help, He will heal.  This Advent chose Hope!

All we have to do is ask, and trust.  

May the God of peace that surpasses all understanding be with you!

Love from miles away

I love every single one of my readers.  Not only I love and appreciate you, but I pray for you often.  I know that"Blogger" has not made it easy for some of you to get in touch with me.  I am writing a quick note to give you an email address, and my Instagram etc, where you can send suggestions, questions, comments or prayer requests.  

My email:  light_in_u@yahoo.com  (Subject: Princess in Overalls)

My Instagram:  Sacred Heart Rosaries (Please Follow Me)

I hope that this is enough for you to be able to contact me in an easier way!  I can't wait to hear from you.  Please check out my book:  "Princess in Overalls"  in AMAZON.COM, and AMAZON.CA.  You can find it by writing the name of the book plus my name next to it in the search bar like this:

Princess in Overalls by Carolina Prada

"Princess in Overalls" is in Kindle as well.

I am also in the process of putting it in Audible so keep your eyes open!

I love this community and can't wait to be more helpful to you and be much more active!

Many blessings from Canada,

Carolina Prada

Letting go of Bad Friends - Sometimes for a season

Is being alone that bad?  How can we chose to put up with so much?  Why do we insist in putting our soul at risk?  Do we not see just how precious we are?  Do we not understand, that valuable things need to be protected and cherished? We are  much more valuable than we think! We are so much more valuable than anything out there, we must not let people treat us like we are not. 

We shouldn't put up with people who do not give us the value we deserve.  We have the strength and the grace in us, to live a happy life without people who harm us and bring us down.  We need to be picky, and to select only great people around us.  

Maybe that means we will only have one good friend, so be it !  Maybe that means we will have none for a time.  Be strong, focus on the things you enjoy.  Work on your dreams.  Learn.  This life is so much more than just settling for mediocre people. Do you not see the beauty around you? 

The wrong "friend"  can change your life, and for the worse.  Do you not see, how much the wrong person can hurt you?  Your mental health?  Your feelings?  Your confidence? There are many broken people out there, that would love nothing more than to break you too!  There are a lot of jealous, envious, bitter, narcissistic, plain old evil people out there.  It is up to you to protect yourself.  You owe it to yourself to be selective, and to perhaps opt for a time of journeying on your own if necessary.

I am praying for you, please pray for me too.  Do not lose heart.  There are many of us out there still.  Even when all seems lost - it is not.  Hold on to our Lord Jesus.  Everything passes everything is perfect.  

You can do this!

Hurricane - When all hell breaks loose

Hurricane - When all hell breaks lose

What do we do when all hell breaks lose?  Like a hurricane that comes and destroys everything on its way, hard situations can sometimes come one after the other.  Like waves that have reached our necks, just when we think the worse has passed one more thing happens.  And we struggle, we struggle and we fight; but at the same time we feel exhausted and we want to give up - we look around and it seems like nobody cares. We feel alone, rejected, abandoned.

 I know a few people in these kind of situations right now.  Actually some of the best people I know, are currently struggling with many many hardships.  What can we do?  

Well the best thing we can do is pray.  Pray and know that, truly, God holds us in the palm of His hand.  And yes it is true that sometimes the more we pray the more things go wrong.  But you know what, keep on praying.  Our Lord is faithful.  You truly can count on Him.  If we are patient and we put our trust in Him- eventually things will get better.  the key to this is - Eventually :)

I tell you something, lets be there for each other!  You can send me an email if you ever want me to pray for you, and I promise you I will pray for sure.  Sometimes we can feel disconnected from people that are similar to us, but we can change that.  We can connect - we can take care of each other!  Know that I am here for you and that every time you send me an email or leave a comment!

 I will pray for you!  💝

Help or Be Helped: Would You Be My Angel?

            So many people nowadays believe in angels, in interacting with them, seeking their help, trying to talk to them, trying to see them. But today there is also much confusion about angels, because the secular view of angels has invaded the media. There are books, films, songs you name it about angels. A lot of people have become obsessed with angels and have become insensitive to their friends, coworkers, neighbors and even family members. In their pursuit of angels, they have forgotten the most important thing: giving praise and glory to God by loving one another. They are so busy trying to interact with an angel that they lose touch with their personal relationship with others and many times even with God. Now, I am going to propose another view on angels.

            I am not saying angels don’t exist or that they are not important¾please don’t get me wrong. What I have a problem with is when people’s obsession with angels makes them overlook the teachings of Jesus Christ and leads them to neglect their relationship with God. Once Jesus Christ is a priority in our lives, we can then learn to love and respect the angels.

             Why do we obsess about angels? I think because we crave a stronger, more solid relationship with God. We want to be more spiritual, but we approach it in a proud and even selfish way: “I and my angel”, “I have a unique relationship with angels”, “I am special because I communicate with angels”, “I am unique and good because I see my guardian angel.” In the end, we might end up forgetting others. We can become so focused on ourselves that we forget the main thing God wants us to do¾which is to love one another and take care of each other. Jesus Christ left us a message about loving one another. If we can focus on this, then we can be like living, breathing angels to each other. The message of Jesus was a powerful message of love in every sense of the word love in the sense of giving without expecting back, forgiving, not judging, treating others as we would like to be treated, helping those who are different, helping those who are in need, helping the sad, the lonely and the hungry.

            We can be angels to each other. We can give more time to others. We can listen to them, offer them our company, give them our support. We can be more patient with each other and more kind. We can change the world with our love, moving forward step by step, without having any grandiose expectations of “becoming enlightened” or “interacting with angels.” We can be content to just be ourselves, a simple person with many defects but capable of loving all the same.  Knowing deep in our hearts that we are a unique child of God made in His image to love and to be loved.

             Jesus came so that we would become children of God. Why do people get lost and start almost worshiping angels, obsessing about them…and all the while neglecting their relationship with God? All we need to say is: “God, Father, I need help,” and He will immediately send His angels so that we won’t even hit our foot against a stone. (Psalm 91:12) When we trust God and ask for His help, we know that His help will come through His angels in heaven or through those people who, out of love, become, even if for a moment, angels on earth.

Wisdom to contemplate:

“Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; anticipate one another in showing honor. Do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the holy ones, exercise hospitality. Bless those who persecute (you), bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation. Do not repay anyone evil for evil; be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all. If possible, on your part, live at peace with all. Beloved, do not look for revenge but leave room for the wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ Rather, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.’ Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good. (Romans 12:9-21)

True love ?

            We all wonder…does true love really exist? Will it happen for me? When will it happen in my life? Some of us go through life trying to appear strong and independent. Many of us go through life alone, struggling with loneliness and convincing ourselves that love is not a reality but a myth. We think Hollywood has exaggerated things and that people are fooling themselves, and we tell ourselves that we are smarter than that. We see ourselves as realistic, mature, independent and self-reliant! Besides, we are too busy, too this or too that to believe in love. After all, there are so many fish in the sea. We convince ourselves that it is illogical to think that there is only one perfect match for us and that we have to go out into the world to find him or her. It is ludicrous to think we need to put up with one person and one person only for the rest of our lives; after all, we are sexual creatures, we need variety, and times have changed! Right?

            Wrong! I am sorry if I disappoint you, but I am of a very different point of view. I believe people tell themselves lies as a defense mechanism, to protect themselves. They often convince themselves of ideas that have been taught to them by their own brains, a bitter psychology professor or the media. Many times, we tell ourselves that love does not exist, so we can excuse the fact that we are incapable of commitment. Maybe we need to face the fact that we need to change a few things about ourselves. Maybe, of all the chapters in this book, this will be the one that you will really disagree with. But look at it from the bright side if you can discern what is good and valuable for you and ignore what is bad, then what you are reading is already worth it. If you don’t like what I say but you feel in the very depths of your soul that I am right, then maybe you should reorganize your priorities and your life. 

        Do not be afraid to change your mind! Love is a reality, not a myth. But someone who does not believe in love will never find it. Perfect people are a myth, not a reality, but a perfect match does exist for each one of us. The idea that we can only fall in love with a perfect person is nonsense; it is unreasonable and unrealistic. But loving someone as a package, with all of his or her good and bad characteristics, is a possibility. Hoping for things to run smoothly and without any obstacles from the very beginning is unrealistic, but working things out one problem at a time is a wise approach. If two people keep in mind their love for each other and focus on the goal of being happy together, then, no matter what disagreement or argument happens, they will be able to overcome it.

 This is what I want to say to you in a nutshell. Now let me be a bit more specific. The most important thing is to always be honest with ourselves. Yes, we need to examine ourselves and find out what kind of person we are, what our priorities in life are and what we want or don’t want. This is essential in order for us to steer our lives into the right direction.

            If, from the bottom of your heart, you know that you never want to marry and that you will be happier by yourself than with a partner, then you can skip this chapter. If you are called to live a single life, then you need to embrace that call. Those called to the single life can live very fulfilling joyful lives, lives that God uses to touch and bless others. But, if, in the depths of your heart, you know that you believe in love and you want to find your soul mate, if you feel you are called to marriage, or if you would like to understand people who do , and/or give advise to those who need it then this chapter might be a good read!

            I believe we all have a soul mate. I know this sounds corny, but it does not make it less real. Many people are bullied into giving up their desire for and belief in a soul mate. But, in my opinion, there is a person out there for each one of us who will not only complete us but will also bring out the best in us, a person with whom we will become one flesh. We will no longer feel as if we are two people, but one more complete person.

            Somewhere, there is a person who will force us to extend our limits and who will not allow us to ever be mediocre. Someone who, in one way or another, will propel us to continue to improve and grow spiritually. Someone who will inspire us to be more patient, kind, humble, forgiving, encouraging, giving, trusting, truthful, hopeful, enduring and balanced. The person we fall in love with will make us push ourselves to the limit. That person will help us to become a better listener, advisor and friend. Sometimes that person will lovingly correct us or remind us of what is important. At other times, that person’s behavior will demand that we put into practice concepts that we believe in but have never acted on.

Finding this very special someone is not an easy task. But the best things in life don’t come easy. Why are we willing to try hard, look hard and work hard when it comes to our career, making money or being beautiful but not when it comes to finding true love?

             Why? Maybe because the world often teaches us to be mediocre in our dealings with love and society pushes us to have meaningless relationships. We are told that we should “have a taste of each different ice cream.” Our society applauds “not being so serious” and “having fun” and in the end all that happens is that we end up empty, frustrated and alone.

            Why do we let the world tell us what to believe? Why do we get duped into pursuing a series of meaningless relationships? Maybe because deep inside we think it is better not to believe in a great love than it is to pursue true love and never find it or, even worse, find love and then lose it. So maybe, as usual, the culprit is fear. My guess is that it is a mixture of fear, ego and selfishness. Because in order to have a great love, you have to be willing to give it everything you have and to risk everything you have for it. For a great love, you need two people who are willing to sacrifice and to compromise. In such an endeavor, there is no room for ego. There is only room for two people who have opened themselves completely to each other in order to become one, one in mind and actions, two people trying their best to endure and to overcome whatever challenges come their way.  

             Some people know that they are in love right away; other people take a while to realize it or to have the courage to accept it. When we are in love, it is important to recognize it, acknowledge it and act on it. With love, taking a chance is always worth it. Rejection you can live with, but missing out on the love of your life is something that is tragic and, many times, unfixable. The hardships that may come as part of the journey we embark on when we meet that special someone are worth it because loving is a feeling, a place, a situation, an experience that cannot be matched by anything else.

             To love is to choose to love. Yes, loving is a choice, a choice to make ourselves vulnerable, to not pretend, to not use masks and to give our hearts completely. To love is to believe we can love and be loved. To love is to dive into something with our heart full of trust and our mind set on the idea that we will be committed to it in good times and in bad, come what may. Loving requires constant revision of our “self.” It requires second-guessing ourselves and being open to accept that there are many things we need to change and many areas in which we need to improve. This is why I say that for one who does not believe in love it will be hard or even impossible to ever experience it or even understand it.

            There are no guarantees just our faith in this love we have found and our faith in God, because God is the glue that holds the two together. He is the source of all hope, the source of all patience and the source of selfless love. God’s guidance is the only way to correctly discern if what we feel is love. It is an awesome truth that one thing always remains the same that we can always count on God for help in our every decision. When we invite God to help us decide and through prayer seek for answers, then answers will be given to us. God knows the plans that He has for us, and if we invite Him into our every situation, then each time we will be given the gift that we need in order to make the best decision. He will make sure we have all tools we need in order to make the right choice. God will help us open our eyes and open our hearts. It is His delight to help us find our way in life. If we open our hearts, we will be able to discern what is good and pleasing to Him.

  

Wisdom to contemplate:

    

“Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)

“Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.” 
(Romans 12:2)

“And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.” (Philippians 1:9-10)