Painful situations can bring us together

Isn’t it ironic how in a blink of an eye our whole life can change? We often have a hard time realizing how lucky and blessed we are when everything in our lives is running smoothly. In one second our life can hang by a thread, in a moment our life can come to an end but we go about our lives refusing to think about it. It is a subject we do not want to address. We hardly ever stop to think about the frailty of our lives and about how much we need God. We end up wasting time in meaningless things and vain pursuits precious time that could have been spent deepening our relationship with God, mending broken relationships, improving ourselves, loving more, sharing more, finding more reasons to be happy and fewer reasons to be sad.

            We do not like to think about these things, but perhaps we should because then we could be somewhat more prepared when hard times come. Oftentimes, it is when we go through hardships that we find out what we are made of. It is then that we are given an opportunity to draw on the grace God has given us, an opportunity to exercise our strength, wisdom, love, patience, kindness and faith. It is in distressing times that we really come to experience the protection and mercy of God. If we can be ready for these tough times, through prayer, then a tragedy, a catastrophe or a great tribulation can be the source of spiritual growth and some of the biggest blessings in our lives.

            Sometimes, no matter how much we have prayed and how ready we think we are to face anything, when a terrible situation comes our way, we feel like St. Augustine when he wrote in his Confessions that he was “appalled at a world that could go on as though our catastrophe had not happened.” We feel drained, we feel frozen, and only hope remains.

            Many valuable lessons can be learned about hope, faith, endurance and strength. One of the greatest lessons is that the driving force behind all of these qualities is love. God has given us human beings an amazing capacity to survive the most heartbreaking moments. The great love of God that unites and that pours out from family members, friends and even strangers becomes the solid foundation that sustains us when we most need it, that great love that many times gets forgotten in the rush of everyday life.

            There are many amazing stories about people who have survived adversity and found it has not only changed their lives but touched the lives of many others as well. These are people who have survived by holding on to hope. Sometimes hope is all we need in order to make it through one more day. And one more day is all we need in order to make it through the rest of our lives¾because each new day brings renewed hope and a renewed understanding that God has given us the strength to endure difficult times and the courage to go on.

            Hope gives us strength when adversity pushes us to the limit. In adversity, hope gives us the ability to open our eyes and see what is really of value in life. Many people’s lives change forever because in hope they find meaning to their suffering. Great difficulties can pull people together, and many times great difficulties can produce forgiveness. Difficult times and problems are part of life, but it is how we choose to see these moments and how we choose to act in these times that will determine if they are in vain or not.

Wisdom to contemplate:

 “Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.” (Romans 5:5)

“He rescued us from such great danger of death, and he will continue to rescue us; in him we have put our hope (that) he will also rescue us again.” (2 Corinthians 1:10)

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Obstacles to Overcome : Can we survive the pain?

                                        

            I once read in a book that life experiences can be compared to tea: the sweeter it is the more delicious it is, but the more bitter it is the more healthy it is. Easy is not always good for us, and difficult and painful is not necessarily bad. It is marvelous when someone challenges our point of view and points out what is wrong in us. It might be something that we had not found out about ourselves before, and maybe something we wouldn’t have ever found out unless someone told us. We need to try to ignore the tone of voice the person used and not be frightened by the facial expression. We need to look beyond, seeking the lesson life has for us, seeing the opportunity to improve ourselves in every situation.

            The more someone disagrees with us, points out our faults and touches our wounds, the better it is for us! But accepting that is easier said than done. We are also called to love our enemy but it is not an easy thing to do. Loving our enemy is indeed difficult, no matter how the enemy presents itself. It could be a situation, a person or sometimes even our own selves. Dealing with the pain that other people inflict on us is a big challenge. Hypocrisy, betrayal, intrigue and humiliation are not easy things to deal with.

            So, why do people hurt us anyway? Oftentimes, people just have a lot of darkness inside but do not want to face it. They may have a lot of sin in their lives, and this makes them bitter and blind. To face their ugliness hurts their ego, so they live in denial. They find faults in everyone but themselves, they live in conflict with others, and then in their own eyes they don’t look so bad. They justify their actions to themselves and find reasons to fight with others. In this way, they convince their consciences that they are the real victims and are not at fault. They would rather be angry and look at others with disdain than face the fact that they have a defect that they need to change.

            When somebody hurts us, we must make sure we do not hate the person but that we hate the action. It is as if someone has muddy clothes we do not hate the person, but we hate the mud on the clothes. Then, if the person changes clothes (changes his or her attitude or bad behavior) and puts on clean, white clothes, the problem is solved. We need to make an effort to love the person even though we might hate the person’s actions.

             We can pray for the people who have hurt us, so that they may change. Maybe those who have hurt us don’t have a relationship with God. Perhaps they are in the dark, not even aware of their behavior and feeling righteous when they are not. We need to try to have compassion on them because, as Mother Teresa used to say, “You do not know what it feels like to be them!” Then we can pray, “Lord Jesus, bring them to Yourself, change them, save them.”

           It truly makes sense to love our enemy, even though it is hard. Why? Because the more I am challenged to exercise my beliefs, the more I am strengthened in my virtues. How can we ever be sure we are truly kind or patient unless someone challenges our patience? To be more forgiving, we need a situation that calls on us to forgive. To be more humble, we need to welcome situations that will help us to get rid of our pride. What I am trying to say is that in everything God works for our good if we let Him. How do we let Him? By remembering that every situation is an opportunity for me to become a better me!

Wisdom to contemplate:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)



“We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Happiness is at hand !

I am convinced that half of our problems would go away if only we were able to surrender to the beauty of being alive and being loved by God. Yes, let’s pause for breath and think about all the reasons why we can be happy, instead of all the reasons why we think we are unhappy.  If we just took the time to smile and delight in a simple moment of joy, then we would be able to see that it is in the little things that happiness is hiding. It is in the ability to appreciate the everyday things that we start feeling tranquility and joy. 

• Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we, could find happiness in the simple, sweet moments of our lives? 

• Wouldn’t it be great if, like “little ones,” we were able to seek the sweet juice of life without allowing trivial things to get in the way?

• Wouldn’t it be just perfect if we could stop and make an effort, even if for a minute, to detach ourselves from problems and from the monotony of the everyday and aim for the extraordinary? 

Some of us are just never satisfied, always desiring what we do not have, and this is truly sad. If we only could find happiness in the small things that make our lives unique, then happiness would be in our hearts most of the time. We must stop ourselves if we find ourselves complaining about our circumstances. We must try to wake up asking ourselves:

•            Why is it that we are never satisfied with our situation?

• Why is it that once we achieve one of our goals, we immediately ignore what has been achieved and set our eyes on the next thing? 

• What am I grateful for?  

If we are willing to be like “little ones,” then, like them, we will find a million reasons to be happy and a million things worth enjoying. Big moments in our lives fly by, leaving us only memories. But simple, small reasons to be happy are waiting for us every day! If we can learn to find joy in these little things, and use our memories to boost our morale when we need it, to bring a smile to our lips when we feel we just can’t go on, then it will be possible to find ourselves happy most of the time. And isn’t that what everybody wants?

 To be happy is a choice. It is our choice. Nobody can make us happy but ourselves. Nobody can come and inject happiness into us. Happiness is found inside ourselves. It doesn’t matter where you are the type of house you own, the country you live in, the vehicle you drive, the job you have. It doesn’t matter what you have lots of jewelry, a good-looking spouse, great clothes, a pet or any other thing. You will always find yourself with you guessed it yourself![2] What does this mean? It means that unless you learn to find happiness inside yourself, happiness will always be a myth, a desire, but not your reality.

Wisdom to contemplate:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!”

(Philippians 4:4)

“Happy the people so blessed; happy the people whose God is the LORD.” (Psalm 144:15)

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[1] For this thought, I am indebted to Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1992).

[2] Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within.

So how do you know who is the one?

                                     

Is this Love that I’m Feeling?

I have been asked the question, “How do you know who is the one your soul mate, your other half, the person who completes you, the one you are meant to be together with for the rest of your life?” 

         Well, although it is very hard to know who is “the one,” it is easier to know who is “not the one.” We must have a clear idea in our heads of what traits we just cannot accept in that person whom we could potentially fall in love with. We must know the “absolute nos.” We must have criteria for what characteristics are just not acceptable to us, but we need to be realistic and honest with ourselves. For example, for some, it might be a person who:

Ø  Is aggressive or shows any kind of harsh behavior toward us or toward other people

Ø  Drinks too much, does drugs and/or frequently gets into trouble

Ø  Cheats or refers to the opposite sex in a disrespectful manner

Ø  Is too much of a flirt with other people

Ø  Treats us badly in front of others or humiliates us

Ø   Only tells us our defects, frequently trying to put us down

Ø  Lies

Ø  Has major psychological problems

Ø  Has no values: steals, breaks the law, deals drugs, engages in extramarital sex, etc.

Ø  Is not physically attractive to us

Ø  Is very different in cultural background, social background, economic status, etc.

Ø  Practices a different religion or has no belief in God

Ø  Has priorities very different from ours

Ø  Makes his job his main priority

Ø  Wants attention at any cost

Ø  Humiliates and disrespects others

Ø  Annoys us often

This is not discriminating against anyone or being prejudiced against someone. We can have someone as a friend, we can be there if that person needs us, but we can decide not to date that person. If we find things about a person that we feel we cannot live with, and we do not want to deal with such things in a long-term relationship or even for the rest of our lives then we must try to avoid a situation that could bring us to the point of no return.

It is not a good idea to get into a relationship, especially a marriage, thinking that we are going to change the other person. Before a relationship starts, before we make a decision that might affect the rest of our lives and the lives of those people around us, we need to discern if this is a person we want to date or not.

 There is nothing wrong with knowing what we can tolerate and what we cannot tolerate in someone who could become our spouse, nothing wrong with knowing what we can live with and what we cannot. We need to determine how much we can compromise in a particular area and in what areas we just cannot compromise. From the beginning, we need truthfulness, with ourselves and with others. If we are not honest, we are setting ourselves up for failure and unhappiness. No honesty no success.

         

At the same time though, we need to be open and have faith.  We have to be careful and make sure we are not trying to limit God. A humble heart goes a long way! We need to understand that we do not know everything and that God by His love and grace can change anyone.  So we need to leave room to the possibility that maybe we do not know what is best for us, or who is best for us.  We need to trust God completely and know that He can change anyone including us, and that He has a perfect plan and purpose for our lives although we might not completely see it or understand it at different points in our lives.  If we limit ourselves by a set list of qualities, especially when that list includes physical attributes or certain personality traits like:  funny, outgoing, cool, upbeat or so many other things. Then we need to ask ourselves - am I really trusting that God knows better?  Do I trust that nothing is impossible for God? Everything is possible for those who hope in the Lord!

Wisdom to contemplate:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

“Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good.” (Romans 12:9)