We
all wonder…does true love really exist? Will it happen for me? When will it
happen in my life? Some of us go through life trying to appear strong and
independent. Many of us go through life alone, struggling with loneliness and
convincing ourselves that love is not a reality but a myth. We think Hollywood
has exaggerated things and that people are fooling themselves, and we tell
ourselves that we are smarter than that. We see ourselves as realistic, mature,
independent and self-reliant! Besides, we are too busy, too this or too that to
believe in love. After all, there are so many fish in the sea. We convince
ourselves that it is illogical to think that there is only one perfect match
for us and that we have to go out into the world to find him or her. It is
ludicrous to think we need to put up with one person and one person only for
the rest of our lives; after all, we are sexual creatures, we need variety, and
times have changed! Right?
Wrong! I am
sorry if I disappoint you, but I am of a very different point of view. I
believe people tell themselves lies as a defense mechanism, to protect
themselves. They often convince themselves of ideas that have been taught to
them by their own brains, a bitter psychology professor or the media. Many
times, we tell ourselves that love does not exist, so we can excuse the fact
that we are incapable of commitment. Maybe we need to face the fact that we
need to change a few things about ourselves. Maybe, of all the chapters in this
book, this will be the one that you will really disagree with. But look at it
from the bright side if you can
discern what is good and valuable for you and ignore what is bad, then what you
are reading is already worth it. If you don’t like what I say but you feel in
the very depths of your soul that I am right, then maybe you should reorganize
your priorities and your life.
Do not be afraid to change your mind! Love is
a reality, not a myth. But someone who does not believe in love will never find
it. Perfect people are a myth, not a reality, but a perfect match does exist
for each one of us. The idea that we can only fall in love with a perfect
person is nonsense; it is unreasonable and unrealistic. But loving someone as a
package, with all of his or her good and bad characteristics, is a possibility.
Hoping for things to run smoothly and without any obstacles from the very
beginning is unrealistic, but working things out one problem at a time is a
wise approach. If two people keep in mind their love for each other and focus
on the goal of being happy together, then, no matter what disagreement or
argument happens, they will be able to overcome it.
This is what I
want to say to you in a nutshell. Now let me be a bit more specific. The most
important thing is to always be honest with ourselves. Yes, we need to examine
ourselves and find out what kind of person we are, what our priorities in life
are and what we want or don’t want. This is essential in order for us to steer
our lives into the right direction.
If, from the
bottom of your heart, you know that you never want to marry and that you will
be happier by yourself than with a partner, then you can skip this chapter. If
you are called to live a single life, then you need to embrace that call. Those
called to the single life can live very fulfilling joyful lives, lives that God
uses to touch and bless others. But, if, in the depths of your heart, you know
that you believe in love and you want to find your soul mate, if you feel you
are called to marriage, or if you would like to understand people who do ,
and/or give advise to those who need it then this chapter might be a good read!
I believe we
all have a soul mate. I know this sounds corny, but it does not make it less
real. Many people are bullied into giving up their desire for and belief in a
soul mate. But, in my opinion, there is a person out there for each one of us
who will not only complete us but will also bring out the best in us, a person
with whom we will become one flesh. We will no longer feel as if we are two
people, but one more complete person.
Somewhere,
there is a person who will force us to extend our limits and who will not allow
us to ever be mediocre. Someone who, in one way or another, will propel us to continue
to improve and grow spiritually. Someone who will inspire us to be more
patient, kind, humble, forgiving, encouraging, giving, trusting, truthful,
hopeful, enduring and balanced. The person we fall in love with will make us
push ourselves to the limit. That person will help us to become a better
listener, advisor and friend. Sometimes that person will lovingly correct us or
remind us of what is important. At other times, that person’s behavior will
demand that we put into practice concepts that we believe in but have never
acted on.
Finding this very special someone is not an easy task.
But the best things in life don’t come easy. Why are we willing to try hard,
look hard and work hard when it comes to our career, making money or being
beautiful but not when it comes to
finding true love?
Why? Maybe because the world often teaches us
to be mediocre in our dealings with love and society pushes us to have
meaningless relationships. We are told that we should “have a taste of each
different ice cream.” Our society applauds “not being so serious” and “having
fun” and in the end all that
happens is that we end up empty, frustrated and alone.
Why do we
let the world tell us what to believe? Why do we get duped into pursuing a
series of meaningless relationships? Maybe because deep inside we think it is
better not to believe in a great love than it is to pursue true love and never
find it or, even worse, find love and then lose it. So maybe, as usual, the
culprit is fear. My guess is that it is a mixture of fear, ego and selfishness.
Because in order to have a great love, you have to be willing to give it
everything you have and to risk everything you have for it. For a great love,
you need two people who are willing to sacrifice and to compromise. In such an
endeavor, there is no room for ego. There is only room for two people who have
opened themselves completely to each other in order to become one, one in mind
and actions, two people trying their best to endure and to overcome whatever
challenges come their way.
Some people know that they are in love right
away; other people take a while to realize it or to have the courage to accept
it. When we are in love, it is important to recognize it, acknowledge it and
act on it. With love, taking a chance is always worth it. Rejection you can
live with, but missing out on the love of your life is something that is tragic
and, many times, unfixable. The hardships that may come as part of the journey
we embark on when we meet that special someone are worth it because loving is a feeling, a place, a situation, an
experience that cannot be matched by anything else.
To love is to choose to love. Yes, loving is a
choice, a choice to make ourselves vulnerable, to not pretend, to not use masks
and to give our hearts completely. To love is to believe we can love and be
loved. To love is to dive into something with our heart full of trust and our
mind set on the idea that we will be committed to it in good times and in bad,
come what may. Loving requires constant revision of our “self.” It requires
second-guessing ourselves and being open to accept that there are many things
we need to change and many areas in which we need to improve. This is why I say
that for one who does not believe in love it will be hard or even impossible to
ever experience it or even understand it.
There are no
guarantees just our faith in this
love we have found and our faith in God, because God is the glue that holds the
two together. He is the source of all hope, the source of all patience and the
source of selfless love. God’s guidance is the only way to correctly discern if
what we feel is love. It is an awesome truth that one thing always remains the
same that we can always count
on God for help in our every decision. When we invite God to help us decide and
through prayer seek for answers, then answers will be given to us. God knows
the plans that He has for us, and if we invite Him into our every situation,
then each time we will be given the gift that we need in order to make the best
decision. He will make sure we have all tools we need in order to make the
right choice. God will help us open our eyes and open our hearts. It is His
delight to help us find our way in life. If we open our hearts, we will be able
to discern what is good and pleasing to Him.
Wisdom to contemplate:
“Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper
than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and
marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart.” (Hebrews
4:12)
“Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed
by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what
is good and pleasing and perfect.”
(Romans 12:2)
“And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more
and more in knowledge and every kind of perception, to discern what is of
value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.”
(Philippians 1:9-10)
