Showing posts with label Jealousy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jealousy. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Gossip: Controlling the Tongue

Let’s focus on controlling what can become our worst enemy our tongues. Let’s say no to gossip and to all the other hurtful things that we can say to others! The people around us are very precious. When we are down, others can help us get up. When we are sad, others will cheer us up. When we feel we cannot go on, others will motivate us and encourage us. There is a proverb that says: “He who throws stones drives away birds; he who insults a friend breaks up the friendship.” Nobody is an island. We all need each other, especially when we are lonely or sad. But if we scare away everyone who cares for us by misusing our tongues, then we will inevitably find ourselves very alone.

            When we misuse the tongue, it harms us and others. We need to realize the importance of avoiding its bad habits. With the tongue we: lie, gossip, give away secrets and speak angry words. All these things will result in us becoming increasingly lonely. Why? Because people try to avoid pain at any cost, and lies, gossip, angry words and the betrayal of secrets hurt. Nobody likes pain, so we cannot blame people who drift away and avoid us if we have hurt them.

Sometimes the damage done by our words is obvious, and sometimes it is not. But the damage is not any less because we cannot see it. If we want loyal, caring, good friends, we have to be one ourselves. We need to be careful, so we do not lose all those people who love us. When we gossip and lie, we destroy the peace of those around us, and good people will after that do anything to avoid us. The only ones who will be left around us will be other gossips and liars, who will sooner or later end up gossiping or lying about us.

            The rule is simple: If we have nothing nice to say, it’s better to say anything at all. This does not mean that we don’t criticize or admonish the people we love. Criticism given in love is helpful and valuable. When our intention is to help and make things better, we still need to think carefully before saying it, and if we are still convinced it is a good thing to do, we can go ahead and speak. But if we are going to say something out of anger, jealousy, envy or revenge, or when the intention is to hurt, then our words are better not said. We must always think before we talk!

            The tongue can do a great deal of damage, but the tongue can also do a great deal of good as long as it is controlled by love. Without love, nothing can bring us good, but every action inspired by love, even if it seems small and unimportant, will bring some fruit afterward. Let’s make an effort to control our tongues. Any time we are trying to accomplish something of value, every time we want to do something good, we need to put effort in it. After a while, all our efforts will pay off and the results of our efforts will be good because when a good thing is repeated several times, then it becomes a habit. Let’s make it a habit to use our tongues for loving, encouraging, motivating, congratulating and everything else that is good. We can change the world, one word at a time!

Wisdom to contemplate:

“The tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze. The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehenna…With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. This need not be so, my brothers. Does a spring gush forth from the same opening both pure and brackish water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, produce olives, or a grapevine figs? Neither can salt water yield fresh.” (James 3:5-6,9-12)

“He tells the truth who states what he is sure of, but a lying witness speaks deceitfully.” (Proverbs 12:17)

“He who guards his mouth protects his life; to open wide one’s lips brings downfall.” (Proverbs 13:3)

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Time to say goodbye - Isn't it Time to Say Goodbye to Jealousy?

 Isn't it Time to Say Goodbye to Jealousy?

Mother Teresa used to say that to be kind means giving much more than material things.   Do you agree?  I do.  For example, it can mean giving a smile, offering an encouraging word and sharing someone else’s joy. But don't you think that in order to share in someone else’s happiness first  we need to get rid of the jealousy that sometimes arises in our hearts?

            When we are jealous, we are unable to feel happy for others, and many times, instead of giving a compliment or praise, we sometimes end up spoiling another person’s happy moment by doing or saying something mean. Jealousy is like a disease that sometimes creeps inside us without us realizing it. 

How do we know for sure if what we feel is jealousy? Do a self-check! If we have a feeling of sadness, even if it is slight or deep inside, at the sight of another person’s material or personal achievement, then we have been bitten by the jealousy bug!

  1. Am I bitter about someone else’s good fortune or success?
  2. Do I always try to keep up with my neighbour? 
  3. Do I criticize others so that they will lose confidence in themselves and so that I will look better? 
  4. Do I keep comparing myself to others? 
  5. Am I always looking for praise from others, and if someone else receives praise, does it bother me? Am I slow to thank, to encourage or to praise? 
  6. Am I able to feel genuine happiness when someone else gets something I wanted?
Where does jealousy come from? It often comes from pride we think we are better than others and that we deserve more than they do. Other times, it is the result of our insecurity we desire to have what is not ours, and we unjustly want what rightly belongs to another.

How do we stay away from this dangerous virus? For starters, we must be honest with ourselves. We need to be constantly checking if there is even the slightest trace of jealousy inside our hearts when others are: more fortunate, richer, thinner, more successful, more beautiful, more loved, more popular, healthier or happier than we are. 

  • For us to be happy about our own lives, we do not need to prove that other people’s lives are miserable. 
  • For us to have faith in our own path, we do not need to prove someone else’s path is wrong. 
  • For us to be secure, we do not need to make someone else insecure. 

           An old proverb says that happiness shared doubles.  Let’s seek to always share one another’s joy, because this will make us better people. It will strengthen and encourage us. And it will help us feel happy no matter what. If we rejoice in other people’s progress, we will immediately feel uplifted ourselves. If we let other people’s successes be our successes, others’ blessings will be our blessings, others’ joy our joy. So, be happy for your coworker’s promotion, your colleague’s new car, your old school friend’s good-looking spouse, your friend’s growing business, your cousin’s scholarship! A person who is able to feel happy for others is able to be happy most of the time.

Wisdom to contemplate:

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation.” (Romans 12:15-16)