New Trend? Why hurt yourself?

Mental Anguish with a Side of Anxiety?

It breaks my heart how often teens and young adults talk about suicide and hurting themselves. Deep pain, loneliness, and spiritual isolation are drowning hundreds of souls. I hear so many stories filled with darkness, despair, emptiness, and hopelessness. Thoughts of suicide and urges to self-harm flood the minds of those who feel rejected and unloved—wounded by social media, school interactions, and the absence of real, meaningful relationships.

What do we do when we’ve been hurt beyond what we think we can bear?
What do we do when it feels like we have no strength left?
What do we do when we’re convinced that nobody cares?

What can we do in this age of isolation to feel better?

Let me tell you what we don’t do: we don’t hurt ourselves. That is never the answer.
The answer is in finding God.
The answer is in calling on the name of Jesus Christ.

The Bible says:

“Draw close to God, and He will draw close to you.” – James 4:8
“God is faithful, and He will not let you be tried beyond your strength.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
“Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened.” – Matthew 7:7–9

So... what do we do?

We make a decision.
We take the first step.
We open our hearts to the love and goodness of Jesus Christ.

Alone, we can do nothing. But with Him, all things are possible!

So, do not despair.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5–6

Believe.

God can change your life in a moment. He is the healer, the giver of life. He will never fail you, never leave you, never abandon you.

But maybe you feel like He did leave you.
Maybe you’re wondering where He is.

Well—sometimes we are the ones who leave Him.
Sometimes we turn our backs on Him.
Sometimes we need to take responsibility, repent of our sins, and turn away from the things that harm us.

You may be feeling the weight of past choices, like:

– Listening to harmful music: Some music can pull you into depression and surround you with darkness. Be careful what you allow into your ears and heart.
– Watching dark or depressing movies: Media has power. Avoid anything that fills your spirit with sorrow, worthlessness, or fear.
– Choosing the wrong friends: In some cultures, there’s a saying: "Better to be alone than in bad company." A toxic friend can drag you down, betray your trust, or influence you to make destructive decisions. You don’t need a crowd. You need Jesus—and maybe just one good person: a true friend, a family member, a teacher, priest, or pastor.

Make up your mind today:
Suicide and self-harm are NOT options.
Remove those words from your vocabulary. They don’t belong in your life. Ever.

If you’ve ever had those thoughts or acted on them, repent.
Turn away from that pain and toward God’s healing.

Have a change of heart.
A change of mind.
A change in direction.

And always remember:

God can make all things brand new.

Pray for a good person to come into your life—someone you can trust. God will provide.
Avoid toxic people as much as possible, and protect your heart. Don’t share your secrets with those who won’t value them.

Most of all, know that I’m praying for you.
And if you ever need someone to talk to, email me at: light_in_u@yahoo.com
Or message me on Instagram: @sacredheartrosaries

I’m here for you.
With love,
Princess in Overalls

Blinding Lights...and if the Narcissist is you ?

What to Do When All Seems Lost

I was sitting in church today, thinking and praying, and it dawned on me how sensitive we humans can be when it comes to constructive criticism.

If someone came to us while we were feeling stuffed up and said we might have a cold, we wouldn’t take offense. If someone noticed we had a fever and were coughing up a storm, we wouldn’t be upset if they suggested we might have the flu. Goodness, even if someone suggested we might have COVID, we wouldn’t take offense.

But if we’re struggling with mental or emotional suffering, many people do take offense when a loved one gently suggests we might share some of the blame. Perhaps it’s something in our lifestyle—or maybe it’s our attitude. Perhaps the person talking to us sees something we can’t. Maybe it’s a friend or a parent who listens intently, then says:

“I think you can be selfish sometimes,”

or “I think you manipulate people,”

or “Sometimes you’re cruel,”

or “You never apologize,”

or even “You gaslight others at times.”

Maybe someone who truly loves us has the courage to say:

“Sometimes you behave like a narcissist.”

How would we react? I think 95% of the time, people would get defensive and take offense. When it comes to our personality, most of us have a hard time hearing criticism—even from someone we love, even when it’s constructive.

When it comes to narcissism, it’s true that some people struggle with it more than others—but in my opinion, we’re all battling narcissistic traits to some extent. I think the blame-shifting began with Adam and Eve: Adam said the woman made him do it; Eve said the serpent made her do it. But in reality, no one made anyone do anything. Each of them freely chose not to trust God. Each of them freely broke their perfect bond of love. Each chose to do their own will. And ever since then, we’ve all been doing the same.

So in my opinion, narcissism isn’t something we should try to spot in others—it’s something we must try to spot in ourselves. When we’re selfish, when we devalue others, when we gaslight, lie, are harsh, overly critical, or manipulative—when we choose to act this way, we need to recognize it.

Because honestly, that’s why God came to this earth—to die for us.

So we can see that no matter how ugly our state, He loves us. No matter how ugly we’ve behaved, salvation is a gift for us too. And no matter how dark the situation may seem, there is always hope. Hope that we can change. Hope that we can heal. Hope that situations can improve.

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.  And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a new heart" Ezekiel 36:26

I’ll be writing a series of posts about narcissism because I believe there’s a lot of pain out there—both in the hearts of those hurt by narcissists, and in the hearts of narcissists themselves. Because while some people want to paint narcissists as hopeless or evil, if you think you might be one—or if you love someone who struggles with it—know this:

Jesus Christ died for the sins of all.

He died for you. For me. For even the worst among us.

So if you’re a narcissist and have been feeling hopeless, know that God can heal it all. He can give you grace and change even the darkest heart. With Jesus Christ, there is always hope.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinth. 5:17

This Easter, start anew. Give your heart to the One who loved you so much that He died for you.

Give your heart to Jesus Christ.

He makes all things new.

"We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father's love for us."  St. John Paul II

"I have given everything to my Master: He will take care of me." St. Josephine Bakhita

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Narcissists CAN change - Yes!

Timeless advise :  Change is possible for all

I have heard so-called "experts" say that narcissists will never change. But is that true? If it is, I don't know about you, but I would feel hopeless. After all, in today’s world, narcissists seem to be everywhere. It could be a daughter, a son, a husband, a friend, a mom, a dad, a boss—you name it. Some of these people are in our lives to stay. And some, despite the pain they cause, are people we love dearly. Even though we suffer, we would never choose a life without them.

So what do I think about narcissists? Well, I believe that when we have one in our life and we've never heard of narcissism, it can be soul-crushing. The gaslighting, the name-calling, the minimization, even humiliation. The constant reminder that they are, in their eyes, better than us in everything—smarter, more capable, more knowledgeable in any area, from medicine to technology to housekeeping. They can be dismissive, offensive, manipulative, egocentric, selfish, and lack empathy. The list goes on.

Not being aware of narcissism limits our ability to understand what’s happening and learn how to deal with it. So learning about it is not just helpful—it’s necessary.

But what if we are the narcissist?

What if a narcissist becomes aware of their behavior? What if they are convicted by their own life? If that’s you, I have good news: Please don’t believe the lie that you cannot change.

With God, all things are possible.

Jesus can make us new. It won’t be easy, but it is possible.

Think of it like an addiction. We become so used to certain selfish behaviors that they feel like part of who we are. We’ve excused our lying and manipulating, our blaming and minimizing, for so long that we feel we can’t stop. But even alcoholics and drug addicts have hope.

Like an alcoholic, the first step is recognizing that we are powerless on our own. We need to see how we’ve hit rock bottom. Our behavior has alienated, hurt, and scared away people we love.

Like an alcoholic, we need to acknowledge that our ways have only caused pain—to ourselves and to others. And like an alcoholic, we must recognize that we will be in recovery for life.

But there is hope.

With prayer, with effort, with a conscious awareness of our actions—we can change.

Indeed:

With God, all things are possible.

Take courage and take the first step!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

If you like this blog, read the book "Princess in Overalls" it can be found in Amazon if you search using my name plus the title.  

Also make sure you check out : sacredheartrosaries.ca made by the author with love !

Mental Prison? If you have a narcissist in your life, just let them!

What to Do When the Narcissist’s Mask Comes Off

So, how do narcissistic people mess with our minds? The answer is simple: in so many ways, they leave our heads spinning. And honestly, it would be funny if it wasn’t so heart-crushing. A narcissist will gaslight us, lie, manipulate, dismiss us, minimize our feelings, break our hearts, and more. It can be frustrating, exhausting, and just downright maddening to have a narcissist in our lives.

Now, you may be wondering, what exactly do I mean when I say "narcissist"? Well, let’s break it down:

Narcissistic People:

• Always looking for ways to create an advantage for themselves in any situation (it's all about them, after all).
• Lack empathy (their motto: Who cares about your feelings?).
• Live in a world of grandiosity and egocentricity—they’re always the star of the show.
• Selfish to the core (don’t expect them to share the spotlight).
• The “Grandiose Narcissist” parent is always desperate to be liked and will go to great lengths to make sure they are adored.
• Master of deflection—it’s never their fault, always someone else’s.
• Validation-seeking (they need constant praise, like always).
• Arrogant, thinking they know more than experts in any field.
• Constantly criticize others while invalidating or minimizing your accomplishments.
• Generous... as long as it makes them look good (it’s about them again, isn’t it?).
• A know-it-all (if you don’t know something, they’ll be happy to tell you why they’re right).
• Even with many perks, they’ll constantly feel they aren’t getting the recognition they “deserve”.
• Not very grateful—they’re entitled to everything done for them.
• Occasionally shames or insults their own child (nothing says love like a passive-aggressive comment, right?).
• Dismissive of other people’s efforts (nothing you do is ever good enough).
• Never satisfied or content with anything—this manifests as constant criticism, complaining, anger, frustration, and contempt. It’s like living in a storm cloud, and guess who’s always the lightning rod?
• Always sees themselves as better—they’re the king or queen, and the rest of us are just... peons.
• The grandiose narcissist might even tell you to your face that you’re stupid and that they know everything. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how they roll.
• They’re judgmental, critical, and argumentative (a never-ending debate, with them always winning, of course).
• Insecurity is at their core—don’t let their bravado fool you.
• Chronic dissatisfaction, especially at work—there's always someone or something to blame.
• As parents, they flip-flop between competing with their child and seeing them as an extension of themselves (so if your success makes them look good, they won’t correct you... but if you embarrass them, watch out).

The Narcissist in a Nutshell:

• They deflect responsibility, shift blame, and triangulate (pitting people against each other).
• They love to devalue—criticizing you and making you feel less than. And let’s not forget, they always have to look good in everyone else’s eyes.
• They compare themselves to others, and no, they’re never satisfied with what they have.
• Special occasions? Not unless it’s on their terms (and, of course, if it makes them look amazing).
• No kindness. No empathy. No respect. No accountability. They would have to acknowledge they have flaws to do that—and we all know that’s not happening.

Some people describe narcissists as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. Funny thing is, they often have a lot of self-control. They can be charming, extroverted, and interesting—or introverted and vulnerable. Either way, they make you want to dive into their lives, thinking you can "save" them. But here's the kicker—you don’t see their true face until it’s too late. Many people are already deep into a friendship or relationship with a narcissist before their mask falls, and we finally see them for who they really are.  

So, Is It Easy to Deal with a Narcissist?

Nope, not at all. But sometimes, either we’re in too deep, or they might even be someone in our family. So what’s left? Damage control. The narcissist is like in a mental prison.  They have lied to themselves so long, they do not know how to stop.  Sometimes they just don't want to stop, period.  

And the worse part is that when the mask comes off, it's not like we can confront them, we actually shouldn't.  So what do we do?  Well, when the mask comes off, let them.  Let them try to fool us, try to get away with their schemes, manipulation, and tactics. Let them double down.  Let them continue to gas light.  Just let them.  Arguing won't change them, logic won't touch them, appeals for empathy won't make a difference.  

When the mask comes off, just let them.  Let them say whatever and then try to walk away.  Then pray, pray hard for yourself and for them.  And remember, as Christians, we are called to love, even our enemies. That doesn’t always mean we have to stay in close contact with them, though. Sometimes, it means we need to cut them off and pray from a distance. Other times, it means learning to live with them, picking our battles wisely, and knowing when to walk away from a fight or discussion.

In the next post, I’ll dive into strategies for managing a narcissist without losing yourself in the process.

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

To believe or not to believe - choosing our companion...

 When it comes to believing...

When it comes to believing, trust your eyes, and trust your gut.  So what do I mean by trust your eyes? Well for example you are starting to date a guy, and you are wondering if he is a good choice for you.  You are seeing some red flags, and boy they are not good.  But every time you think about it, you remember things he has said and you want to dismiss the red flag.  

You don't want to over think, you do not want to judge.  You want to give the benefit of the doubt.  You do not want to make him sad, and you do not want to look paranoid.  So, what do you do?  You rationalize, you excuse and you find all the reasons why the "red flag"  is not really a "red flag".  

Or, you decide to bring it up and give him a chance to explain, a chance to apologize etc.  What is wrong with that?  He or she seems to always have a rational explanation, an apology, they plead for one more chance, and you comply.  Is that a wise thing to do you might wonder...is that the best choice of action?

Look: it is easier to finish a relationship that is not right for you - while it is in the early stages.  

Yes, the sooner the better.  There is less attachment, less pain, less drama, less complication.  when it comes to relationships, being a boyfriend, a guy you are starting to date or a friend - trust your eyes!  Your eyes don't lie.  

If you see "red flags"  if you experience bad treatment, if the person acts as if they don't care, if they are no where to be found when you need them, if they don't listen, if they are into themselves, if they fail you time and time again.  Trust your experience with them and not your ears! By that, what I mean is: 

Do not trust the words they speak, believe your eyes.  Look carefully at their actions.

Yes, it's true they might apologize, and they may very well be sorry.   They truly might feel bad when they are talking to you.  But that does not make a difference.  It doesn't really matter,  the fact is, you want to find out if they are the right person for you.   And while an apology is nice and necessary, the fact might remain that that person might have shown enough evidence that they are not good for you!

People can be sorry, and yet they can still hurt us.  People can be sorry, and yet continue their bad behaviour, they might continue to do it again and again.  

It is your job to protect yourself.  It is your job to actively pursue your happiness.  You can forgive, but that doesn't mean that you should continue in the relationship.  You can forgive but you should not forget.  If we do not learn the lessons that life is teaching us, well we will continue to suffer.  And that seems hopeless.  And we need hope in our lives.  We need to fight hard so we do not end up in a hopeless situation.

Sometimes, we can forgive, but with gentleness and calmness we can still chose to end a relationship.  Not because we don't wish the other person well.  Not as revenge, not in anger.  Simply because we recognize that moving on is the best thing for both people.

Take a big breath, think, pray, and then make your decision.  

Remember :

Choose your hard.

Breaking up is hard, but staying with the wrong person is unthinkable!  

You can do this!  I believe in you!  and yes I will be praying for you !  

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Advent - Time of Hope

Almost Christmas...but not yet!  Oh yeah it's called Advent.  

This year has been tough, and is actually an understatement.  Not that the ones before were easy - Covid, the beginning of the conflict in the Middle East, Israel, Gaza, Ukraine, Russia.   Remember? Who can forget, my head is spinning.  But we are not here to talk about Covid, or the beginning of those horrible conflicts that are going on around the world.  We are here to talk about 2024, and how to feel joy regardless of what is going on in your city, your country, the world.  

There is uncertainty and fear for many.  There are horrible situations that you might be going through.  How in the world can we be expected to feel joy?

Well God tells us, in Phillipians 4:8,  that: "in every situation...whatever is:

• True
• Good
• Holy
• Honorable
• Just
• Lovely
• Commendable
• If there is any excellence
• Anything worthy of praise

Think about these things !"

So yes there are terrible things some people are going through - that is a fact.  But if we have to go through something, and there is nothing we can do about it, at least we can mitigate the hardships and the evil we encounter, and we can draw some good and get enough strength and healing to go through it.  

We can always receive grace, we can always receive healing, God always wants to comfort us and draw us close to His Heart.  All we need to do is our part.  So go ahead and think about that list, don't let anyone or anything steal your free will.  There must be something you can think of, something you can hold on to, something you can chose to think about - other than whatever evil is surrounding you. 

 God is ready!  Ready to hold us in His arms, we just have to let Him!  

All we need to do is to use the power of our will.  Control our minds and  not let ourselves sink into the depths of depression. self pity and despair - that will not help.  That will make things worse, it will change us, consume us, finish us!  

Do not let your circumstances take the best of you! 

Rise above, by asking Jesus Christ to come to your aid.  

Even if all you have is a tiny bit of strength use it for the prayer :  Jesus Help me!

He will come right away. 

God promises that when we do our part "and the God of peace will guard our hearts and minds"  He will come to our aid.  He alone knows what we need most.  He will surround us with protection, strength and peace.  

This Advent there is a lot we can do, no matter what our circumstances.  Why?  Because we have the power to pray and God is on our side.  We have the power to offer up our hardships for a greater good to come out of them.  And we have the power to hope in Him who is our Saviour.  He will come, He will help, He will heal.  This Advent chose Hope!

All we have to do is ask, and trust.  

May the God of peace that surpasses all understanding be with you!

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Being Kind to Beautiful - Happier than Ever

Happier than Ever

Sometimes we meet someone whose life seems perfect.  They are beautiful.  They are loved.  They seem to have everything.  Everything we don't have.  

It is hard.  It is hard to know someone who has everything we ever wanted.  A person who seems to have it all.  And the worse part is - they don't even seem to understand just how lucky they are.  But we do.  We realize it, and it stings.  Yes, it makes us upset, even angry.  But why?

 One word: envy.  

Sometimes we don't grasp just how envious we can become.  We are unkind, sometimes even downright mean; and still we justify the way we act, and how we reject others.  We justify our lack of kindness.  And the worse part is, the more this person we so deeply envy is kind to us, the more our unkindness is made evident, and the more we hate them.  

Sounds familiar?  Maybe, the answer is yes.  Then you really need to read my post about envy.  

But maybe the answer is no.   Maybe you are that person, the one that gets tired of being the object of envy.   Tired of jealousy directed at you.  Tired of someone that seems determined to hate you no matter how kind you are to them.  You love people, but it doesn't seem to matter.  Sometimes one or more of those people you so deeply care about,  seem determined to shun you.  With no real reason, they mistreat you, with no explanation they reject you.  

My advise is: don't fret.  If you are not being appreciated, it's not your fault.  If others are jealous of you , it's on them.  Why long for those who don't give you the value you deserve?  You need to be strong.  For your own good, be strong.  Times change, people change too.  Get busy, give some time and most importantly, pray.  Whatever you do, don't make too much of it.  Because it's not you that is broken, it's them,  It's not you that needs to change, it's them.  It's not you that is sinning, it's them.  If you know someone that is bitter and envious of you, pray for them.  

Some people are incapable of feeling happy for people who shine, but is that a reason to stop shining?  If they themselves are doing badly, if their life is miserable then please try to understand them.  Pray for them.  Pray, because, for those who choose to justify jealousy and envy life does not improve.  Life just becomes more miserable with every bad action they take.  Every time they gossip, every time they snob you, every time they weave their little schemes and intrigues, every time they lie about you, every single time: they bring more misery unto themselves.

God always blesses us with at least one person who is special, one who can truly appreciate us.  Someone who loves us from the heart.  Let that be enough.  Because with relationships, truly, it is not quantity but quality that matters.  Open your eyes and find the people in your life who truly love you.  And be grateful.

 Remember, part of being grateful for something/someone, is to realize that you have enough.  Enough love.  Enough support.  Enough comfort.  Enough admiration.  Enough encouragement.  Don't be greedy, embrace the freedom of understanding that you do in fact have enough.  

God gives us enough, He always gives us more than enough.  He who is kindness and love itself, blesses us beyond our understanding, with enough of everything we need, to be happy and holy.

As for that person/people who does not appreciate you? Maybe they can change one day.

... but  maybe you too could change today!

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Teens ignoring teens: Do not rain on me!

                                           

I will say : Do not rain on me!

What makes us cool or accepted?  Is it our age?  Is it the way we look?  Is it our intelligence?  Is it perhaps our sense of humour?  How are we perceived?  

Have you ever wondered?  Does it really matter?  Should you even care?  

What is a loser?  Who decides?  Is it the majority?  

What if it is a majority of losers that is deciding?  lol

We are all insecure, all trying to love and to be loved.   Why is it that we give so much importance to what other people think of us?  Why is it that people can be so cruel sometimes?  

If you are lonely, if you have ever felt left out, well then read on.  All these questions and more are questions that matter, they  matter because they affect our self confidence and can affect our emotions.  These are questions that start mattering at the teen years, but honestly they never really stop hunting us.  So instead of sticking our head in the ground like an ostrich, lol, lets stop running away from these questions and face them head on.

Sometimes people find friends in their teen years that last a life time.  Sometimes people find friends in their teen years and then they move on, and lose contact with those people and never see them again.  Sometimes you make friends and you think they care about you, and then something happens and you realize that those people that you cared so much about, were not worth your time.  

Nothing is a guarantee in life, and when are dealing with other humans it's not a sure science.  So what should we do?  How can we find happiness?  Peace?  Joy? 

 I think the key to a happy life, is to have total trust in God and confidence in the fact that everything changes.  If today things are good , if you have friends - well enjoy!  And do not worry about the future.  If today you are lonely and feel rejected by others, well have hope and remember that things don't last forever.  Situations change, things turn around and before you know it, you are out of the dark.

God never gives us more that what we can handle, and if we trust in Him, everything that happens can be for our good.  It all can help us grow in holiness and in virtue.  Don't give up, keep hoping regardless of how your situation looks like and you will be alright. 

 In this life there are ups and downs.  Nothing is written in stone.  Everything changes, if you give enough time.  Remember you were made perfect, there is only one of you, you are full of gifts and if people can not see that  - well that is their loss.  If they do not appreciate you, if people don't get you, remember you are valuable and move on.  

You don't need people that do not understand how precious you are.  Who needs that?  Get busy, distract yourself and before you know it you will find people that deserve you, and that place where you fit perfectly.  

The Bible says do not give pearls to pigs or holy things to dogs.  Why?  Because they will destroy them.  If you are hurting or you feel rejected, remember it may not be you that needs to change, it might not be you who is broken,  it might be that you simply need to pick better friends.  

It is better to be alone for a while, than in bad company!

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Make assumptions? Err on the side of kindness

We all make assumptions.  We think we know others.  We think we know how they think, what makes them tick.  We make an assumption, then a judgement.  Next thing we know, we have labeled a person without ever giving them a chance.  I am here to make a proposal, lol.  

What is my proposal?  

Well, my proposal is, that if we choose to make assumptions, lets err on the side of kindness.  If you see someone for the first time, if you meet someone new, make a commitment that from now on, you will give them a chance, or two, or three.  And how do we go about doing that?  Well, just choose to give the benefit of the doubt.  So let's try to stop the labels:

• He is a loser
• She is too young
• He is conceited
• She is weird
• He is loud
• She is full of herself etc.

If we meet a very beautiful girl, lets assume she is not only beautiful - she is also holy and kind.

If we meet a very ugly person, lets assume they might be ugly -  but their soul shines like the sun.

If we meet someone that seems like a dumb dumb (by the way, lol,  that very easily could be me),  assume the person is nervous and let them warm up to you - perhaps they will surprise you.

If we meet someone that is a tad dry, hard to talk to,  let's assume they had a rough day and maybe - next time they will dazzle us.

Some people have a rough time at home, or a rough life.  Others might have had bad experiences meeting new people.  If we give people a chance, usually we will be pleasantly surprised.  In giving someone the benefit of the doubt,   perhaps we will be giving ourselves the gift of meeting someone truly extraordinary.

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Date, Dating, Breaking Up: Can you recognize yourself?

            We have all gone through some tough breakup or heartache. Actually, any time a relationship ends, it is very painful, no matter what type of relationship it might have been. A traumatic experience like this sometimes causes us to act differently, and maybe we will see a side of ourselves we did not even know we had. We might act in an irrational way or say mean things. We might cry or yell. We might break things or throw things. We might even think about taking our lives. When a situation of great stress arises, when we are faced with the fact that someone we greatly loved might not love us, it is a moment of great pain. We may be so distraught that we fall into a depression, lose our job or gain more weight than we ever thought could be possible.

Unfortunately, these situations do happen, at least once in our lives. When they do, what we need to do is to find a way to come out of them, instead of drowning in our own sadness and our own self-pity. We might feel the situation was unfair. Maybe someone lied to us or used us. Maybe we feel we wasted years of our lives or we were deceived into believing something that was not true. In any case, there is no safe way to avoid such things. All we can do is not let the horrible facts control us, not let ourselves be immobilized by a situation that has no solution, at least for the moment.

 We need to remind ourselves that sometimes it is necessary to let some time pass. We need time to collect our thoughts, analyze the facts and revise our feelings. We need time to heal and to get used to our new situation. We need to remind ourselves that we cannot let ourselves collapse. We need to love ourselves because if we don’t, we will be no good to anyone else. If we take our lives or if we fall into a deep depression, then who can we help? Who can we love? Who can we strengthen?

We need to stick around so that we can help others live through the same types of situations and so that we can encourage those who feel sad or weak. We can be a rock to others and let them lean on us in their tough days. Helping others is always a good way to help ourselves. We need to remember that most radical changes in our lives might not only have been necessary but might also have been for the best. Sometimes we get so attached to a person that we cannot let go. By not letting go, we close the doors to happiness, because we do not allow that person to grow and we do not allow new people to come into our lives.

So what do we do if our hearts have been broken? We seek help. We turn to God and ask for His love and mercy. We pour out our hearts to Him. We allow ourselves to be healed by His loving touch. He is always there to guide us and lift us up when we fall down. If we draw closer to God, He will draw closer to us! We need to focus on deepening our relationship with Him, and then everything will slowly start improving. Only then will we be able to turn to others. That is the second thing we need to do. We need to ask for the help of those who love us…maybe a family member or maybe a good friend. We need to open ourselves up to the help that comes from God through others.

At the same time, we need to remember that God gave us a brain to help ourselves, and we need to use it. We need to think of ways to cheer ourselves up. For example, we should turn off those sad love songs and instead listen to songs of praise and worship. When we praise God, we forget ourselves, and we open ourselves to His love. We need to get rid of everything that reminds us of the person who broke our heart, even if it’s just for a while. We need to box all that stuff up and put it into the closet or throw it away it makes no difference which, as long as we get it out of sight. When we feel we are starting to be overwhelmed by sad memories, we can turn on the TV, or we can call a friend to talk about anything other than the breakup, or, best of all, we can spend some time with Jesus.

If we feel as if all the couples in the world are being happy and loving just to make us miserable, we need to turn our heads there is always another direction to look at. Most importantly, we need to stay busy. We can motivate ourselves to look better than ever, pamper ourselves, maybe join a gym. We can focus on school or on work, be ambitious, think about getting a promotion or a new job, earn a Master’s degree or a PhD, or simply make it our goal to graduate with honours.

Do you see? It is up to us! We decide if we are going to collapse and let ourselves go, or if we are going to live through the disaster and succeed, no matter what. We are the ones who can consciously place ourselves in God’s hands and allow Him to redirect our lives and heal our hearts. For us, there should be no other option but that we will live through it, we will help ourselves and we will be happy again!

Wisdom to contemplate:

“You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.” (Mathew 5:13)

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden.”(Mathew 5:14)

“So humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.” (1 Peter 5:6)

“Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you.” (James 4:10)

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls