Showing posts with label love bombing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love bombing. Show all posts

Sunday, June 1, 2025

Love so Tender - Love Bombing?

                                                       Love Bomb?  Be Strong!



Go Slow — A Word of Warning About Love Bombing

When I was 15 years old, there was a guy who liked me—a lot. He was not a good choice for me, and deep down, I knew it. But this guy—let’s call him Dan—was relentless. He pursued me intensely.

One day, he parked his car in front of my house, blasted a trendy song, and started dancing while facing my bedroom window. He pressed both hands to his heart and then pointed at my room. Other times, he would show up with gifts—and I mean a whole Bloomingdale’s bag full of perfume, swimsuits, and more. He wrote love letters and declared his love for me daily.

To anyone watching, it probably looked like he was madly in love. But in between these displays of “true love,” he would flirt with other girls—and I mean flirt hard. Sometimes, he even put me down. He’d say things like, “You chew gum like a cow,” or that I had “lizard lips” and needed filler, or that I was “too pale” and should get a tan.

At the time, I didn’t know anything about narcissism. I was kind of smitten—he was rich, handsome, and gave me so much attention. But looking back now, it’s clear: he was a narcissist (there’s more to the story, trust me), and I had fallen for his love bombing.

Now that I’m a mom, I wish I could say it’s gotten easier to spot a love bomber. But the truth is, it hasn’t. When someone—whether a guy or a girl—comes on strong with attention, words of affirmation, and extravagant gifts, it’s incredibly hard to resist.

But resist we must.

We need to take relationships slow. We need time to truly get to know people—their intentions, their character. My parents used to say that in the first year of dating, it’s wise not to accept major gifts—only small things like chocolates, flowers, or a stuffed animal. Even after a year, they advised against accepting anything expensive, like jewelry or a trip. They believed (and they were right!) that big gifts create complicated emotional ties. You feel obligated. You feel like you owe something.

And that’s a fair point, don’t you think?

So here’s the truth:

When you like someone or are starting a new relationship—go slow.

When in doubt—go slow.

When you see a red flag—go even slower.

Time is the great revealer of a person’s true intentions. Anyone can say beautiful things—just ask ChatGPT (and honestly, Chat is pretty amazing). And anyone—especially someone wealthy—can buy expensive things to impress.

But in the end, it’s not the gifts or the sweet words that matter most.

It’s the actions.

Actions speak louder than gifts and words.

Come on—you can do this.
Be strong.
And know that I’m praying for all of you.

I love my readers! ðŸ’›




Note:
If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls








Saturday, April 19, 2025

Blinding Lights...and if the Narcissist is you ?

What to Do When All Seems Lost



I was sitting in church today, thinking and praying, and it dawned on me how sensitive we humans can be when it comes to constructive criticism.

If someone came to us while we were feeling stuffed up and said we might have a cold, we wouldn’t take offense. If someone noticed we had a fever and were coughing up a storm, we wouldn’t be upset if they suggested we might have the flu. Goodness, even if someone suggested we might have COVID, we wouldn’t take offense.

But if we’re struggling with mental or emotional suffering, many people do take offense when a loved one gently suggests we might share some of the blame. Perhaps it’s something in our lifestyle—or maybe it’s our attitude. Perhaps the person talking to us sees something we can’t. Maybe it’s a friend or a parent who listens intently, then says:


“I think you can be selfish sometimes,”


or “I think you manipulate people,”


or “Sometimes you’re cruel,”


or “You never apologize,”


or even “You gaslight others at times.”


Maybe someone who truly loves us has the courage to say:


“Sometimes you behave like a narcissist.”


How would we react? I think 95% of the time, people would get defensive and take offense. When it comes to our personality, most of us have a hard time hearing criticism—even from someone we love, even when it’s constructive.

When it comes to narcissism, it’s true that some people struggle with it more than others—but in my opinion, we’re all battling narcissistic traits to some extent. I think the blame-shifting began with Adam and Eve: Adam said the woman made him do it; Eve said the serpent made her do it. But in reality, no one made anyone do anything. Each of them freely chose not to trust God. Each of them freely broke their perfect bond of love. Each chose to do their own will. And ever since then, we’ve all been doing the same.

So in my opinion, narcissism isn’t something we should try to spot in others—it’s something we must try to spot in ourselves. When we’re selfish, when we devalue others, when we gaslight, lie, are harsh, overly critical, or manipulative—when we choose to act this way, we need to recognize it.

Because honestly, that’s why God came to this earth—to die for us.

So we can see that no matter how ugly our state, He loves us. No matter how ugly we’ve behaved, salvation is a gift for us too. And no matter how dark the situation may seem, there is always hope. Hope that we can change. Hope that we can heal. Hope that situations can improve.


"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.  And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a new heart" Ezekiel 36:26


I’ll be writing a series of posts about narcissism because I believe there’s a lot of pain out there—both in the hearts of those hurt by narcissists, and in the hearts of narcissists themselves. Because while some people want to paint narcissists as hopeless or evil, if you think you might be one—or if you love someone who struggles with it—know this:


Jesus Christ died for the sins of all.


He died for you. For me. For even the worst among us.

So if you’re a narcissist and have been feeling hopeless, know that God can heal it all. He can give you grace and change even the darkest heart. With Jesus Christ, there is always hope.


"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinth. 5:17


This Easter, start anew. Give your heart to the One who loved you so much that He died for you.


Give your heart to Jesus Christ.

He makes all things new.



"We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father's love for us."  St. John Paul II


"I have given everything to my Master: He will take care of me." St. Josephine Bakhita




Note:
If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls