Blinding Lights...and if the Narcissist is you ?

What to Do When All Seems Lost

I was sitting in church today, thinking and praying, and it dawned on me how sensitive we humans can be when it comes to constructive criticism.

If someone came to us while we were feeling stuffed up and said we might have a cold, we wouldn’t take offense. If someone noticed we had a fever and were coughing up a storm, we wouldn’t be upset if they suggested we might have the flu. Goodness, even if someone suggested we might have COVID, we wouldn’t take offense.

But if we’re struggling with mental or emotional suffering, many people do take offense when a loved one gently suggests we might share some of the blame. Perhaps it’s something in our lifestyle—or maybe it’s our attitude. Perhaps the person talking to us sees something we can’t. Maybe it’s a friend or a parent who listens intently, then says:

“I think you can be selfish sometimes,”

or “I think you manipulate people,”

or “Sometimes you’re cruel,”

or “You never apologize,”

or even “You gaslight others at times.”

Maybe someone who truly loves us has the courage to say:

“Sometimes you behave like a narcissist.”

How would we react? I think 95% of the time, people would get defensive and take offense. When it comes to our personality, most of us have a hard time hearing criticism—even from someone we love, even when it’s constructive.

When it comes to narcissism, it’s true that some people struggle with it more than others—but in my opinion, we’re all battling narcissistic traits to some extent. I think the blame-shifting began with Adam and Eve: Adam said the woman made him do it; Eve said the serpent made her do it. But in reality, no one made anyone do anything. Each of them freely chose not to trust God. Each of them freely broke their perfect bond of love. Each chose to do their own will. And ever since then, we’ve all been doing the same.

So in my opinion, narcissism isn’t something we should try to spot in others—it’s something we must try to spot in ourselves. When we’re selfish, when we devalue others, when we gaslight, lie, are harsh, overly critical, or manipulative—when we choose to act this way, we need to recognize it.

Because honestly, that’s why God came to this earth—to die for us.

So we can see that no matter how ugly our state, He loves us. No matter how ugly we’ve behaved, salvation is a gift for us too. And no matter how dark the situation may seem, there is always hope. Hope that we can change. Hope that we can heal. Hope that situations can improve.

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.  And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a new heart" Ezekiel 36:26

I’ll be writing a series of posts about narcissism because I believe there’s a lot of pain out there—both in the hearts of those hurt by narcissists, and in the hearts of narcissists themselves. Because while some people want to paint narcissists as hopeless or evil, if you think you might be one—or if you love someone who struggles with it—know this:

Jesus Christ died for the sins of all.

He died for you. For me. For even the worst among us.

So if you’re a narcissist and have been feeling hopeless, know that God can heal it all. He can give you grace and change even the darkest heart. With Jesus Christ, there is always hope.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinth. 5:17

This Easter, start anew. Give your heart to the One who loved you so much that He died for you.

Give your heart to Jesus Christ.

He makes all things new.

"We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father's love for us."  St. John Paul II

"I have given everything to my Master: He will take care of me." St. Josephine Bakhita

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

To believe or not to believe - choosing our companion...

 When it comes to believing...

When it comes to believing, trust your eyes, and trust your gut.  So what do I mean by trust your eyes? Well for example you are starting to date a guy, and you are wondering if he is a good choice for you.  You are seeing some red flags, and boy they are not good.  But every time you think about it, you remember things he has said and you want to dismiss the red flag.  

You don't want to over think, you do not want to judge.  You want to give the benefit of the doubt.  You do not want to make him sad, and you do not want to look paranoid.  So, what do you do?  You rationalize, you excuse and you find all the reasons why the "red flag"  is not really a "red flag".  

Or, you decide to bring it up and give him a chance to explain, a chance to apologize etc.  What is wrong with that?  He or she seems to always have a rational explanation, an apology, they plead for one more chance, and you comply.  Is that a wise thing to do you might wonder...is that the best choice of action?

Look: it is easier to finish a relationship that is not right for you - while it is in the early stages.  

Yes, the sooner the better.  There is less attachment, less pain, less drama, less complication.  when it comes to relationships, being a boyfriend, a guy you are starting to date or a friend - trust your eyes!  Your eyes don't lie.  

If you see "red flags"  if you experience bad treatment, if the person acts as if they don't care, if they are no where to be found when you need them, if they don't listen, if they are into themselves, if they fail you time and time again.  Trust your experience with them and not your ears! By that, what I mean is: 

Do not trust the words they speak, believe your eyes.  Look carefully at their actions.

Yes, it's true they might apologize, and they may very well be sorry.   They truly might feel bad when they are talking to you.  But that does not make a difference.  It doesn't really matter,  the fact is, you want to find out if they are the right person for you.   And while an apology is nice and necessary, the fact might remain that that person might have shown enough evidence that they are not good for you!

People can be sorry, and yet they can still hurt us.  People can be sorry, and yet continue their bad behaviour, they might continue to do it again and again.  

It is your job to protect yourself.  It is your job to actively pursue your happiness.  You can forgive, but that doesn't mean that you should continue in the relationship.  You can forgive but you should not forget.  If we do not learn the lessons that life is teaching us, well we will continue to suffer.  And that seems hopeless.  And we need hope in our lives.  We need to fight hard so we do not end up in a hopeless situation.

Sometimes, we can forgive, but with gentleness and calmness we can still chose to end a relationship.  Not because we don't wish the other person well.  Not as revenge, not in anger.  Simply because we recognize that moving on is the best thing for both people.

Take a big breath, think, pray, and then make your decision.  

Remember :

Choose your hard.

Breaking up is hard, but staying with the wrong person is unthinkable!  

You can do this!  I believe in you!  and yes I will be praying for you !  

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Peaceful Parenting: Gotta Give it to God

Talking about Christianity lately has become almost taboo. Many parents would rather have their children believe in nothing than give them guidance and teach them about religion. It may be because they do not have faith themselves, or simply because they are full of doubts. Sometimes maybe they would rather “wash their hands” of the whole matter than have their kids complain to them later in life about the faith they were taught.

            So, children grow up with no spiritual guidance. All they hear in school and the media is: “All religions are right.” “We need to be inclusive.” “We cannot offend others by sharing our beliefs!” And so on.

But this is not the right approach because it suggests there is no need for us to pick one! Some people think all religions are right, but they should at least realize that all the religions do not have the fullness of the truth. The fact that some believe all religions are right does not mean that we should stay lukewarm and not go deeply into our Christian faith. We need to be on fire, full of love for God. If we are not, in the long run we will have a void and feel a deep emptiness within us.

            Someone once said, “If we don’t teach them, someone else will.” When children and adolescents grow up with no spiritual guidance, it is almost guaranteed that they will lose their path. We must teach what is pleasing to God. We need to be the light of the world, just as Jesus asked us to be. We need to teach obedience and self-control; after all, Christ calls us to obedience. Just as there are laws that rule the universe and the world, so there are laws that rule us¾laws for which we are accountable to our God and to our neighbor. The Bible reminds us: “So then each of us shall give an account of himself to God.” (Romans 14:12)

Why do you think there are so many problems today with children and teenagers? Why do you think there are problems such as school shootings, gang violence and teenage pregnancy? Why should we be surprised at how easy it is for children to pull a trigger if we have never taught them that there are just some things in life that are absolutely wrong? What stops a child who has never been taught the way to live a good life? What stops a child who has not learned any boundaries and is not afraid of anything? What stops a child who has never been taught that there are consequences to all our actions? Christianity is our only hope because it teaches the truth. We cannot underestimate the danger of not teaching what is right and what is wrong and, most important, what pleases God.

            We must not be indifferent to our Christian religion. Our religion contains the story of our salvation. Our religion is us acting on God’s gift to us. Our religion is our compass to Christ, and Christ is our way to heaven. Through our religion, we learn about God’s love; we learn to trust Him and respect Him. We open our hearts to Him when we learn how Jesus Christ came to this world and died for our sins on the cross. We understand that He rose from the dead, and so today we can truly rejoice and sing a song that says, “I am saved. I have been rescued by the arms of Jesus.” Thinking about God’s gift of everlasting life to us transforms our lives. Knowing that He loved us first and not because we deserved it or because of any merit of ours but simply because He is love itself and we are precious to Him this makes all the difference. This amazing truth is enough to make us people of joy, people of love, people of truth, people of obedience, people who belong to Christ. So vital a truth should not be hidden, suppressed or kept for later. We must investigate it, study it, share it and make it part of our life.

So many people become complacent, living a life that is empty. They feel this emptiness, so they try to fill it with many things, only to find out that they still feel this void inside. Until we soothe our spirit with God’s goodness, until we fulfill our spiritual need by finding God’s saving love, we will not be able to find true happiness.

            Many people go to a psychologist, putting all their faith in the services of a professional caregiver. And the psychologist does his or her best, trying to find a psychological cause for the problem. The doctor finds a logical reason and prescribes a medicine. But if the soul is not healed, the medicine will give only temporary relief, a temporary fix. We must go to the root of the problem. If we want to permanently find happiness, joy and peace, we must first be embraced by God’s healing love!

Wisdom to contemplate:

“‘Everything is lawful for me,’ but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is lawful for me,’ but I will not let myself be dominated by anything.” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

“But you, man of God, avoid all this. Instead, pursue righteousness, devotion, faith, love, patience, and gentleness. Compete well for the faith. Lay hold of eternal life, to which you were called when you made the noble confession in the presence of many witnesses. (1 Timothy 6:11-12)



“Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life.” (John 6:47)



“Tell them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous, ready to share, thus accumulating as treasure a good foundation for the future, so as to win the life that is true life.” (1 Timothy 6:18-19)

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls