Needing Stitches? Help is here

Ten days ago I went to a Shawn Mendez concert.  It was wonderful.  He was full of joy and the concert concentrated on his skills;  his gifts as a musician, not a spectacle to cover up the fact that he might not be as good as people perceive him to be,  no bells and whistles - Just Shawn Mendez, his smile, his sweetness, his honesty and his guitar.  It was refreshing.  As we were dancing and singing the song "Stitches" came up.  And as he sang from his heart, I reflected upon the fact that no matter how famous, how rich, how handsome, how gifted - this man had suffered.  And as I looked around the stadium, people singing from the top of their lungs - all those people knew how it felt to hurt to the point, where you think, you might just need stitches.

All human beings have hearts.  And all hearts long for love.  Sometimes we make a mistake and we give love to the wrong person.  Our heart breaks and we grieve.  We feel that our life can't go on.  we physically feel the pain.

At these times we need to remember that everyone has gone through something similar.  I would be willing to bet that there is not a human being, that has not been heart broken to the point they nearly needed "stitches".  When we realize it's not us, that it happens to everyone  - and that it takes time and courage to find our person, our vocation, our calling, our purpose in life  - then we can begin to heal.  

Perhaps part of the pain is because we need to let go of control.  We humans usually think we know everything, but we don't.  There is a big part of life that needs faith and trust in God's plan for us.  We are not alone, we are loved and cared for by a God that has a purpose and a wonderful plan for our life.  He truly does work all things unto good for those who love him.  We need to trust and to remember we are indeed loved, and that sometimes the timing is just not right.

When our heart breaks and we fell the loneliness and pain that brings, we need to lean on God.  When you need stitches because somebody has lied, or betrayed your trust and your love -  know that God will never leave you and that his grace will always be available for healing.  

We might need "Stitches"- but the good thing about stitches is that it is the first sure step for healing.  Take care of the wound, and do your part.  Stay away from the person that hurt you.  Not because of revenge, but because you need a lot of time to heal.  A wound can get stitches and heal, or a wound can get stitches and if we keep picking at it, or hurting it over and over again, that wound will get infected and even cause a gangrene.  It is up to you to help your wound heal well.  

Wait until your wound is completely healed and you are strong. Block that person from everywhere in your social media, and do not answer their calls.  Avoid them like the plague, at least from 6 months to a year.  Some people might need to leave your life for good: they are that toxic, that unwilling to change, that selfish, that manipulative etc.   

Remember:   It is not revenge it is survival.

Time to say Goodbye? Save your tears and don't look back!

                                                     Walking Away… Save Your Tears

Love is a wonderful thing — but yes, love can also be one of the most painful things. Sometimes we give our hearts too quickly. Sometimes we give the benefit of the doubt one too many times. Sometimes we are blinded by the fact that we are finally living a dream — the dream of saying, “I’ll ask my boyfriend/girlfriend…” The dream of walking around campus holding hands, just like all those other couples we’ve seen so many times.  The dream of going on romantic dates, of celebrating anniversaries, of receiving a stunning bouquet of flowers. The dream of that special text that says “Good night, love.” The dream of going to church together, of getting a surprise café latte, of receiving a surprise visit at work. The dream we’ve longed for so many times — the dream that seemed like everyone but us was living.

But then the small red flags start to appear — little comments that put you down, small lies, temper tantrums, a lack of purpose or direction in life. When those flags start showing, it’s time to pray, reflect, and make a decision. It’s not healthy to stay with someone only because you don’t want to be alone.

If the relationship you’re in feels like a black hole… walk away. Radical acceptance is necessary so you can make good decisions — decisions that lead to a future with less pain, less drama, and less heartbreak. It’s true — breaking up is terribly hard. And in a breakup, more than one heart usually breaks. But if you don’t date for fun, and you’re truly looking for a partner for life, you need to act as soon as you see the red flags.

Do it like pulling off a bandage — all at once. No breaking up and getting back together. No. Make the decision, and then don’t look back. People usually don’t change overnight. If they ever do, they need time — one, two, even three years or more — to work on themselves. Live your life, meet new people, and if God intends this person to be part of your future, He will make sure your paths cross again — renewed and ready for a fresh opportunity for love.

Unrealistic expectations will hurt you more than facing reality. Look honestly at who they are, then be honest with yourself and with them. Sometimes people take it well, but often they don’t. Still, come what may, you must be fearless, strong, and determined.

Sometimes you might even face a smear campaign — it’s true. But remember: you know who you are. You know your intentions. And you know that God knows your heart. Be confident. And most of all, stay close to God, because only He can heal, only He can strengthen, and only He can give you the grace it takes to move on.

It's me ! I'm the problem it's me! - Healing is an inside game

 

                                    Poor Me?  Am I the Problem?                                                      

Loneliness is hard to bear. Feeling misunderstood, abandoned, or rejected can be almost unbearable. So sometimes, we turn to whatever tactic we can think of to get attention—to feel loved, to be wanted, to not feel so alone. One of those tactics, for some, is to seek pity. We may try to make others feel bad for us so they’ll show us compassion or affection.

This often starts in childhood. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice that when a child falls and scrapes their knee, someone—usually Mom or another caring adult—comes rushing to comfort them. When we cry, help arrives quickly. That’s good and right—it shows we’re loved and cared for. But if we start to use that response or manipulate it, it can trap us.

Bad habits that begin in childhood can follow us into adulthood. And if we repeat something long enough, it can become part of our personality. If we start to rely on others’ pity as a way to receive love or attention—what I’ll call the “Poor Me” habit—we are treading dangerous ground.

Why? Because once we weaponize pity, it becomes a hard habit to break. Eventually, we may even start believing our own "Poor Me" narrative. It becomes our script, our identity. And when that happens, it can lead to a constant cycle of sadness, anxiety, loneliness, rejection, self-pity, and an inability to feel gratitude. That’s not life. That’s misery. And it’s not what we were created for.

But here's the good news: We can break free.

We can begin again. We can decide—yes, even force ourselves—to stop relying on pity and instead start looking at our lives through the lens of gratitude. We can stop obsessing over what’s missing and begin focusing on what we have.

And most importantly, we can turn to Jesus.

Only Jesus can truly heal our hearts. He is always ready to help, to restore, to pour out His grace upon us. He sees us, understands us, and loves us completely.

We must want to break the cycle. We must be willing to stop:

• Always seeking attention

• Constantly highlighting how unlucky we are

• Focusing only on the negatives

The "Poor Me" identity does not serve us well. It keeps us stuck. It holds us back from the life God wants us to live.

Our true identity is not in our suffering, our failures, or our loneliness.

Our identity is in Christ.

In Him, we find freedom. In Him, we find every grace we need to live a beautiful life—whatever that life looks like. Some people might be CEOs. Others might be mixing paint in a factory for 40 years. Wherever we are, we can make that place holy by inviting God into it. Any moment can be a blessing. Any job, a mission. Any place, an opportunity to touch lives—through prayer, through kindness, through offering up our trials for others who suffer or who don’t yet know God.

No matter where we find ourselves, we are children of God.

Yes, you are a beloved child of the Creator of the universe! That means you are deeply loved, cared for, and chosen. That means you are royalty—because you are a child of the King of Kings. That means everything you need to make a difference, to bring light to others, to heal and grow—it’s already available to you through Him.

So when you’re feeling sad, small, unsuccessful, or unloved—get up.
Dust yourself off.
Walk boldly.
Reach out to your beautiful Saviour with confidence.

You are not a victim. You are not stuck. You are not a “Poor Me.”

You are the boss of your mind. Yes, you heard me! Let your soul be the boss of your brain. Don’t let your thoughts run wild like a horse into the pastures of sorrow, loneliness, and despair. Tame them. Take charge.

Decide today that you are no longer a "Poor Me."

Because everything starts with a decision.

You’ve got this.

I’m praying for you. 

Open Letter to Justin Bieber - Stay in the Light

Let me Love You and be Made Brand New — A Promise

Justin, when it comes to the paparazzi... don’t engage. They don’t care. They’re not listening. They are the reflection of narcissism, and won't say sorry. They will gaslight you. They will mock you. They will use everything against you.

Justin, you need to say goodbye.
Say goodbye to caring, to fans, to money.
You need to expose and reveal the truth.

Remember what our Lord said:
"The truth will set you free."

You need to stop hiding.
You need to stop worrying.
Bring everything into the light.

Be fearless, Justin. Stay in the light.

There are people who love you — people who care. Those will not leave your side. The ones who leave, were never worthy of being called your fans, your friends, or your family.

Justin, bring it all to the light.
The Lord will give you the grace to face whatever comes.

Maybe there is a lot of ugliness.
Maybe you’ve committed evil acts.
Maybe there’s shame.

It’s okay. Stay in the light.
Jesus forgives it all — when we repent.
When we change our actions, our heart, our mind...
Jesus heals. Jesus frees.

God will never test us beyond our strength.
He will never leave us. He will never abandon us.
You need to know: His promises stand firm.

Embracing that truth means our actions must be fearless, Justin.
Fearless.
Do not let them manipulate you.
Do not let anyone shame you.
Do not let fear engulf you.

Walk into the light.

Whatever consequences come,
the Lord will give you the grace to face them.
Your family is in His hands.

Stop running, Justin.
It’s time to expose the truth — all of it.
Only that will bring you freedom, healing, and the ability to move forward.

1. But first: You must repent.

Take responsibility for your actions —
for your part in each situation,
for your reactions to every clash,
every attack.

You need to bravely, clearly look at yourself —
your life, your past mistakes, your choices —
and repent for your part in them.

Then, ask forgiveness from those you’ve hurt.
That is justice. That is love.
That is being meek and humble — like your Master.

2. Next, forgive.

Forgive everyone who has hurt you —
not for their sake, but in the name of Jesus Christ. Be specific about what you are forgiving them for.

Say:
"In the name of Jesus, I forgive...for..."
"In the name of Jesus, I forgive...for..."

And Justin — include yourself in that list.
Be specific. Name everything you need to forgive yourself for.

3. Then, renounce everything you no longer want in your life.

Say:
"In the name of Jesus, I renounce..."
— impurity, drugs, ambition, pride,  loneliness, greed, pride, anger, rage, vanity, hatred, lust, fear of jail, fear of being alone…etc

Renounce it all.
Kick it out of your life in Jesus’ name.

4. Then break the power of the lie.
All the lies that hound your mind and heart.

Say:
"In the name of Jesus Christ, I break the power of the lie that..."
Fill in the blank. Name every lie that’s ever been spoken over your life — every lie the enemy has whispered, every lie that echoes in your heart.

5. Renounce them. Break them. In Jesus’ name.

And Justin — break every spiritual tie.
Break the ties with Selena Gomez. It is time.
Break ties with anyone you’ve had a sexual or deeply physical connection with.
Break ties with anyone who has practiced witchcraft, tarot, psychics — anyone who has done spiritual harm.

Say:
"In the name of Jesus, I break all spiritual ties, curses, hexes, and spells placed over my life."

Do it with faith, Justin. In the name of Jesus.

6. Now, take authority.

Say:
"In the name of Jesus Christ, and by the authority given to me as a Christian, I command all these things I have renounced to leave me now and go to Jesus Christ to do with them as He wills."

7. Then stand firm in your freedom.
Thank God.

8.Finally, ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with the opposite of all that you renounced:

Faith, love, fortitude, peace, purity...
Let the Holy Spirit flood your heart.

Now, Justin — you are free. Stay in the Light.

Thanks be to God for our Lord Jesus Christ.
For freedom He has set you free.

New Trend? Why hurt yourself?

Mental Anguish with a Side of Anxiety?

It breaks my heart how often teens and young adults talk about suicide and hurting themselves. Deep pain, loneliness, and spiritual isolation are drowning hundreds of souls. I hear so many stories filled with darkness, despair, emptiness, and hopelessness. Thoughts of suicide and urges to self-harm flood the minds of those who feel rejected and unloved—wounded by social media, school interactions, and the absence of real, meaningful relationships.

What do we do when we’ve been hurt beyond what we think we can bear?
What do we do when it feels like we have no strength left?
What do we do when we’re convinced that nobody cares?

What can we do in this age of isolation to feel better?

Let me tell you what we don’t do: we don’t hurt ourselves. That is never the answer.
The answer is in finding God.
The answer is in calling on the name of Jesus Christ.

The Bible says:

“Draw close to God, and He will draw close to you.” – James 4:8
“God is faithful, and He will not let you be tried beyond your strength.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
“Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened.” – Matthew 7:7–9

So... what do we do?

We make a decision.
We take the first step.
We open our hearts to the love and goodness of Jesus Christ.

Alone, we can do nothing. But with Him, all things are possible!

So, do not despair.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5–6

Believe.

God can change your life in a moment. He is the healer, the giver of life. He will never fail you, never leave you, never abandon you.

But maybe you feel like He did leave you.
Maybe you’re wondering where He is.

Well—sometimes we are the ones who leave Him.
Sometimes we turn our backs on Him.
Sometimes we need to take responsibility, repent of our sins, and turn away from the things that harm us.

You may be feeling the weight of past choices, like:

– Listening to harmful music: Some music can pull you into depression and surround you with darkness. Be careful what you allow into your ears and heart.
– Watching dark or depressing movies: Media has power. Avoid anything that fills your spirit with sorrow, worthlessness, or fear.
– Choosing the wrong friends: In some cultures, there’s a saying: "Better to be alone than in bad company." A toxic friend can drag you down, betray your trust, or influence you to make destructive decisions. You don’t need a crowd. You need Jesus—and maybe just one good person: a true friend, a family member, a teacher, priest, or pastor.

Make up your mind today:
Suicide and self-harm are NOT options.
Remove those words from your vocabulary. They don’t belong in your life. Ever.

If you’ve ever had those thoughts or acted on them, repent.
Turn away from that pain and toward God’s healing.

Have a change of heart.
A change of mind.
A change in direction.

And always remember:

God can make all things brand new.

Pray for a good person to come into your life—someone you can trust. God will provide.
Avoid toxic people as much as possible, and protect your heart. Don’t share your secrets with those who won’t value them.

Most of all, know that I’m praying for you.
And if you ever need someone to talk to, email me at: light_in_u@yahoo.com
Or message me on Instagram: @sacredheartrosaries

I’m here for you.
With love,
Princess in Overalls

Love so Tender - Love Bombing?

                                                       Love Bomb?  Be Strong!

Go Slow — A Word of Warning About Love Bombing

When I was 15 years old, there was a guy who liked me—a lot. He was not a good choice for me, and deep down, I knew it. But this guy—let’s call him Dan—was relentless. He pursued me intensely.

One day, he parked his car in front of my house, blasted a trendy song, and started dancing while facing my bedroom window. He pressed both hands to his heart and then pointed at my room. Other times, he would show up with gifts—and I mean a whole Bloomingdale’s bag full of perfume, swimsuits, and more. He wrote love letters and declared his love for me daily.

To anyone watching, it probably looked like he was madly in love. But in between these displays of “true love,” he would flirt with other girls—and I mean flirt hard. Sometimes, he even put me down. He’d say things like, “You chew gum like a cow,” or that I had “lizard lips” and needed filler, or that I was “too pale” and should get a tan.

At the time, I didn’t know anything about narcissism. I was kind of smitten—he was rich, handsome, and gave me so much attention. But looking back now, it’s clear: he was a narcissist (there’s more to the story, trust me), and I had fallen for his love bombing.

Now that I’m a mom, I wish I could say it’s gotten easier to spot a love bomber. But the truth is, it hasn’t. When someone—whether a guy or a girl—comes on strong with attention, words of affirmation, and extravagant gifts, it’s incredibly hard to resist.

But resist we must.

We need to take relationships slow. We need time to truly get to know people—their intentions, their character. My parents used to say that in the first year of dating, it’s wise not to accept major gifts—only small things like chocolates, flowers, or a stuffed animal. Even after a year, they advised against accepting anything expensive, like jewelry or a trip. They believed (and they were right!) that big gifts create complicated emotional ties. You feel obligated. You feel like you owe something.

And that’s a fair point, don’t you think?

So here’s the truth:

When you like someone or are starting a new relationship—go slow.

When in doubt—go slow.

When you see a red flag—go even slower.

Time is the great revealer of a person’s true intentions. Anyone can say beautiful things—just ask ChatGPT (and honestly, Chat is pretty amazing). And anyone—especially someone wealthy—can buy expensive things to impress.

But in the end, it’s not the gifts or the sweet words that matter most.

It’s the actions.

Actions speak louder than gifts and words.

Come on—you can do this.
Be strong.
And know that I’m praying for all of you.

I love my readers! 

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Blinding Lights...and if the Narcissist is you ?

What to Do When All Seems Lost

I was sitting in church today, thinking and praying, and it dawned on me how sensitive we humans can be when it comes to constructive criticism.

If someone came to us while we were feeling stuffed up and said we might have a cold, we wouldn’t take offense. If someone noticed we had a fever and were coughing up a storm, we wouldn’t be upset if they suggested we might have the flu. Goodness, even if someone suggested we might have COVID, we wouldn’t take offense.

But if we’re struggling with mental or emotional suffering, many people do take offense when a loved one gently suggests we might share some of the blame. Perhaps it’s something in our lifestyle—or maybe it’s our attitude. Perhaps the person talking to us sees something we can’t. Maybe it’s a friend or a parent who listens intently, then says:

“I think you can be selfish sometimes,”

or “I think you manipulate people,”

or “Sometimes you’re cruel,”

or “You never apologize,”

or even “You gaslight others at times.”

Maybe someone who truly loves us has the courage to say:

“Sometimes you behave like a narcissist.”

How would we react? I think 95% of the time, people would get defensive and take offense. When it comes to our personality, most of us have a hard time hearing criticism—even from someone we love, even when it’s constructive.

When it comes to narcissism, it’s true that some people struggle with it more than others—but in my opinion, we’re all battling narcissistic traits to some extent. I think the blame-shifting began with Adam and Eve: Adam said the woman made him do it; Eve said the serpent made her do it. But in reality, no one made anyone do anything. Each of them freely chose not to trust God. Each of them freely broke their perfect bond of love. Each chose to do their own will. And ever since then, we’ve all been doing the same.

So in my opinion, narcissism isn’t something we should try to spot in others—it’s something we must try to spot in ourselves. When we’re selfish, when we devalue others, when we gaslight, lie, are harsh, overly critical, or manipulative—when we choose to act this way, we need to recognize it.

Because honestly, that’s why God came to this earth—to die for us.

So we can see that no matter how ugly our state, He loves us. No matter how ugly we’ve behaved, salvation is a gift for us too. And no matter how dark the situation may seem, there is always hope. Hope that we can change. Hope that we can heal. Hope that situations can improve.

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.  And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a new heart" Ezekiel 36:26

I’ll be writing a series of posts about narcissism because I believe there’s a lot of pain out there—both in the hearts of those hurt by narcissists, and in the hearts of narcissists themselves. Because while some people want to paint narcissists as hopeless or evil, if you think you might be one—or if you love someone who struggles with it—know this:

Jesus Christ died for the sins of all.

He died for you. For me. For even the worst among us.

So if you’re a narcissist and have been feeling hopeless, know that God can heal it all. He can give you grace and change even the darkest heart. With Jesus Christ, there is always hope.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinth. 5:17

This Easter, start anew. Give your heart to the One who loved you so much that He died for you.

Give your heart to Jesus Christ.

He makes all things new.

"We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father's love for us."  St. John Paul II

"I have given everything to my Master: He will take care of me." St. Josephine Bakhita

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

Narcissists CAN change - Yes!

Timeless advise :  Change is possible for all

I have heard so-called "experts" say that narcissists will never change. But is that true? If it is, I don't know about you, but I would feel hopeless. After all, in today’s world, narcissists seem to be everywhere. It could be a daughter, a son, a husband, a friend, a mom, a dad, a boss—you name it. Some of these people are in our lives to stay. And some, despite the pain they cause, are people we love dearly. Even though we suffer, we would never choose a life without them.

So what do I think about narcissists? Well, I believe that when we have one in our life and we've never heard of narcissism, it can be soul-crushing. The gaslighting, the name-calling, the minimization, even humiliation. The constant reminder that they are, in their eyes, better than us in everything—smarter, more capable, more knowledgeable in any area, from medicine to technology to housekeeping. They can be dismissive, offensive, manipulative, egocentric, selfish, and lack empathy. The list goes on.

Not being aware of narcissism limits our ability to understand what’s happening and learn how to deal with it. So learning about it is not just helpful—it’s necessary.

But what if we are the narcissist?

What if a narcissist becomes aware of their behavior? What if they are convicted by their own life? If that’s you, I have good news: Please don’t believe the lie that you cannot change.

With God, all things are possible.

Jesus can make us new. It won’t be easy, but it is possible.

Think of it like an addiction. We become so used to certain selfish behaviors that they feel like part of who we are. We’ve excused our lying and manipulating, our blaming and minimizing, for so long that we feel we can’t stop. But even alcoholics and drug addicts have hope.

Like an alcoholic, the first step is recognizing that we are powerless on our own. We need to see how we’ve hit rock bottom. Our behavior has alienated, hurt, and scared away people we love.

Like an alcoholic, we need to acknowledge that our ways have only caused pain—to ourselves and to others. And like an alcoholic, we must recognize that we will be in recovery for life.

But there is hope.

With prayer, with effort, with a conscious awareness of our actions—we can change.

Indeed:

With God, all things are possible.

Take courage and take the first step!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

If you like this blog, read the book "Princess in Overalls" it can be found in Amazon if you search using my name plus the title.  

Also make sure you check out : sacredheartrosaries.ca made by the author with love !

Mental Prison? If you have a narcissist in your life, just let them!

What to Do When the Narcissist’s Mask Comes Off

So, how do narcissistic people mess with our minds? The answer is simple: in so many ways, they leave our heads spinning. And honestly, it would be funny if it wasn’t so heart-crushing. A narcissist will gaslight us, lie, manipulate, dismiss us, minimize our feelings, break our hearts, and more. It can be frustrating, exhausting, and just downright maddening to have a narcissist in our lives.

Now, you may be wondering, what exactly do I mean when I say "narcissist"? Well, let’s break it down:

Narcissistic People:

• Always looking for ways to create an advantage for themselves in any situation (it's all about them, after all).
• Lack empathy (their motto: Who cares about your feelings?).
• Live in a world of grandiosity and egocentricity—they’re always the star of the show.
• Selfish to the core (don’t expect them to share the spotlight).
• The “Grandiose Narcissist” parent is always desperate to be liked and will go to great lengths to make sure they are adored.
• Master of deflection—it’s never their fault, always someone else’s.
• Validation-seeking (they need constant praise, like always).
• Arrogant, thinking they know more than experts in any field.
• Constantly criticize others while invalidating or minimizing your accomplishments.
• Generous... as long as it makes them look good (it’s about them again, isn’t it?).
• A know-it-all (if you don’t know something, they’ll be happy to tell you why they’re right).
• Even with many perks, they’ll constantly feel they aren’t getting the recognition they “deserve”.
• Not very grateful—they’re entitled to everything done for them.
• Occasionally shames or insults their own child (nothing says love like a passive-aggressive comment, right?).
• Dismissive of other people’s efforts (nothing you do is ever good enough).
• Never satisfied or content with anything—this manifests as constant criticism, complaining, anger, frustration, and contempt. It’s like living in a storm cloud, and guess who’s always the lightning rod?
• Always sees themselves as better—they’re the king or queen, and the rest of us are just... peons.
• The grandiose narcissist might even tell you to your face that you’re stupid and that they know everything. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how they roll.
• They’re judgmental, critical, and argumentative (a never-ending debate, with them always winning, of course).
• Insecurity is at their core—don’t let their bravado fool you.
• Chronic dissatisfaction, especially at work—there's always someone or something to blame.
• As parents, they flip-flop between competing with their child and seeing them as an extension of themselves (so if your success makes them look good, they won’t correct you... but if you embarrass them, watch out).

The Narcissist in a Nutshell:

• They deflect responsibility, shift blame, and triangulate (pitting people against each other).
• They love to devalue—criticizing you and making you feel less than. And let’s not forget, they always have to look good in everyone else’s eyes.
• They compare themselves to others, and no, they’re never satisfied with what they have.
• Special occasions? Not unless it’s on their terms (and, of course, if it makes them look amazing).
• No kindness. No empathy. No respect. No accountability. They would have to acknowledge they have flaws to do that—and we all know that’s not happening.

Some people describe narcissists as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. Funny thing is, they often have a lot of self-control. They can be charming, extroverted, and interesting—or introverted and vulnerable. Either way, they make you want to dive into their lives, thinking you can "save" them. But here's the kicker—you don’t see their true face until it’s too late. Many people are already deep into a friendship or relationship with a narcissist before their mask falls, and we finally see them for who they really are.  

So, Is It Easy to Deal with a Narcissist?

Nope, not at all. But sometimes, either we’re in too deep, or they might even be someone in our family. So what’s left? Damage control. The narcissist is like in a mental prison.  They have lied to themselves so long, they do not know how to stop.  Sometimes they just don't want to stop, period.  

And the worse part is that when the mask comes off, it's not like we can confront them, we actually shouldn't.  So what do we do?  Well, when the mask comes off, let them.  Let them try to fool us, try to get away with their schemes, manipulation, and tactics. Let them double down.  Let them continue to gas light.  Just let them.  Arguing won't change them, logic won't touch them, appeals for empathy won't make a difference.  

When the mask comes off, just let them.  Let them say whatever and then try to walk away.  Then pray, pray hard for yourself and for them.  And remember, as Christians, we are called to love, even our enemies. That doesn’t always mean we have to stay in close contact with them, though. Sometimes, it means we need to cut them off and pray from a distance. Other times, it means learning to live with them, picking our battles wisely, and knowing when to walk away from a fight or discussion.

In the next post, I’ll dive into strategies for managing a narcissist without losing yourself in the process.

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls

To believe or not to believe - choosing our companion...

 When it comes to believing...

When it comes to believing, trust your eyes, and trust your gut.  So what do I mean by trust your eyes? Well for example you are starting to date a guy, and you are wondering if he is a good choice for you.  You are seeing some red flags, and boy they are not good.  But every time you think about it, you remember things he has said and you want to dismiss the red flag.  

You don't want to over think, you do not want to judge.  You want to give the benefit of the doubt.  You do not want to make him sad, and you do not want to look paranoid.  So, what do you do?  You rationalize, you excuse and you find all the reasons why the "red flag"  is not really a "red flag".  

Or, you decide to bring it up and give him a chance to explain, a chance to apologize etc.  What is wrong with that?  He or she seems to always have a rational explanation, an apology, they plead for one more chance, and you comply.  Is that a wise thing to do you might wonder...is that the best choice of action?

Look: it is easier to finish a relationship that is not right for you - while it is in the early stages.  

Yes, the sooner the better.  There is less attachment, less pain, less drama, less complication.  when it comes to relationships, being a boyfriend, a guy you are starting to date or a friend - trust your eyes!  Your eyes don't lie.  

If you see "red flags"  if you experience bad treatment, if the person acts as if they don't care, if they are no where to be found when you need them, if they don't listen, if they are into themselves, if they fail you time and time again.  Trust your experience with them and not your ears! By that, what I mean is: 

Do not trust the words they speak, believe your eyes.  Look carefully at their actions.

Yes, it's true they might apologize, and they may very well be sorry.   They truly might feel bad when they are talking to you.  But that does not make a difference.  It doesn't really matter,  the fact is, you want to find out if they are the right person for you.   And while an apology is nice and necessary, the fact might remain that that person might have shown enough evidence that they are not good for you!

People can be sorry, and yet they can still hurt us.  People can be sorry, and yet continue their bad behaviour, they might continue to do it again and again.  

It is your job to protect yourself.  It is your job to actively pursue your happiness.  You can forgive, but that doesn't mean that you should continue in the relationship.  You can forgive but you should not forget.  If we do not learn the lessons that life is teaching us, well we will continue to suffer.  And that seems hopeless.  And we need hope in our lives.  We need to fight hard so we do not end up in a hopeless situation.

Sometimes, we can forgive, but with gentleness and calmness we can still chose to end a relationship.  Not because we don't wish the other person well.  Not as revenge, not in anger.  Simply because we recognize that moving on is the best thing for both people.

Take a big breath, think, pray, and then make your decision.  

Remember :

Choose your hard.

Breaking up is hard, but staying with the wrong person is unthinkable!  

You can do this!  I believe in you!  and yes I will be praying for you !  

Note:

If something in this post touched your heart, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts or your own story in the comments —your voice matters !

also...

I offer Talks and Workshops:

I can come to your school or to your church etc,  the topics would be from any of my posts.

For Ideas Contact Me: carolinaakoglu@gmail.com Subject: Princess in Overalls